Why does my friend get constant attention from rich guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am the guy you describe that hits on your friend. I actually prefer your style and a woman who has no problem going out without make up and in jeans and a sweatshirt. It was actually something I found very attractive about DW when we met. But I can tell you I wouldn't be interested in you. Youre very abrasive and while you may be book smart, it doesn't sound like you have much critical thinking. That's a must for me.

OP here. Thanks for your feedback! I always thought men do not like prissy high maintenance women. Now I'm realizing they actually do? Interesting to think about.

That's not a kind thing to say. You do not know me. I guess I am a nerd and do not focus so much on social signaling. But...I guess as a nerd I am now going to get to the bottom of sartorial social signaling? haha

[Anonymous]

Because your friend probably projects more confidence and happiness than you. You seem insecure and petty, which is a huge turnoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, those 2 pics represent the same style in different settings. You are not seeing yourself clearly.

Op here. I don’t dress too differently from my friend. She is more polished and puts more effort into her looks. She’ll never leave the house without hair and makeup. I often go to brunch in no makeup and natural hair.

I don’t understand how I’m attracting the hipsters and underachievers. I am well spoken, a lot more “sophisticated” than said friend in that I read a lot and am a policy wonk. She is simply...very pretty and into makeup and social climbing.

You answered yourself here. She is very pretty and outwardly sophisticated. Not many men care about you being a policy wonk-its pretty tiresome actually and I am saying this as a fellow nerd girl

OP, if you care about more than superficial qualities (looks/money/social status) in a boyfriend/husband than you should look for a man who cares about more than those things, which means he will care about what’s in your brain (what you read/ think about/policy etc). A decent, interesting, non sexist man will care more about who you are than what you wear. Yes, looks matter to a degree, but focus on meeting a good person who is ambitious, hard working, is in a decent occupation, not a trust fund woosy.

OP here. Yes. These replies are so helpful! Thank you! I definitely do not want a rich prettyboy with no substance. I am all about substance, hence the lack of focus on the finer points of personal style. I like to look cute but I am by no means obsessed with being a certain size or having every hair in place. I find it disappointing that men are passing me by to pick up my conventionally attractive and perfectly styled friend. But I see how you are correct in that I probably do not want those men either. thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because your friend probably projects more confidence and happiness than you. You seem insecure and petty, which is a huge turnoff.

Ouch. Yes, that may be but I am coming here asking this question because being constantly invisible next to someone else is not a very fun experience. Sue me, I am human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed it's the same style. I think the difference may be in her "polish" and how she carries herself. Wear more makeup?/ Style your hair? i say this as a married woman who wanted to attract more of the unemployed writer type (and I did!) Score! I dated, but broke up with, lawyers, doctors and IT. There's a self-selection process going on. If you want to attract the former, dress like their catnip!

+1

Doctors and lawyers are much more interesting and kind than I expected. Engineers are more introverted than the introverted introvert, too many issues (in their heads). No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I am the guy you describe that hits on your friend. I actually prefer your style and a woman who has no problem going out without make up and in jeans and a sweatshirt. It was actually something I found very attractive about DW when we met. But I can tell you I wouldn't be interested in you. Youre very abrasive and while you may be book smart, it doesn't sound like you have much critical thinking. That's a must for me.

OP here. Thanks for your feedback! I always thought men do not like prissy high maintenance women. Now I'm realizing they actually do? Interesting to think about.

That's not a kind thing to say. You do not know me. I guess I am a nerd and do not focus so much on social signaling. But...I guess as a nerd I am now going to get to the bottom of sartorial social signaling? haha

Age of you and age of your friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, those 2 pics represent the same style in different settings. You are not seeing yourself clearly.

Op here. I don’t dress too differently from my friend. She is more polished and puts more effort into her looks. She’ll never leave the house without hair and makeup. I often go to brunch in no makeup and natural hair.

I don’t understand how I’m attracting the hipsters and underachievers. I am well spoken, a lot more “sophisticated” than said friend in that I read a lot and am a policy wonk. She is simply...very pretty and into makeup and social climbing.

I'm not going to read any further. The bolded is your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, those 2 pics represent the same style in different settings. You are not seeing yourself clearly.

Op here. I don’t dress too differently from my friend. She is more polished and puts more effort into her looks. She’ll never leave the house without hair and makeup. I often go to brunch in no makeup and natural hair.

I don’t understand how I’m attracting the hipsters and underachievers. I am well spoken, a lot more “sophisticated” than said friend in that I read a lot and am a policy wonk. She is simply...very pretty and into makeup and social climbing.

You answered yourself here. She is very pretty and outwardly sophisticated. Not many men care about you being a policy wonk-its pretty tiresome actually and I am saying this as a fellow nerd girl.

Op here. Wow. I didn’t realize someone can appear to be sophisticated by how she dresses/ styles herself. I thought that was all superficial/not important.

Of course it does. Look at a man in a suit compared to a man in a t-shirt and jeans. Very different projections.

Yeah but a lot of rich people wear t shirt and jeans.

True, but they also don't need to project and aren't searching for a mate.

Would you show up to a job interview in pajamas?

[Anonymous]

they are friends so i’m guessing they are about the same age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am the guy you describe that hits on your friend. I actually prefer your style and a woman who has no problem going out without make up and in jeans and a sweatshirt. It was actually something I found very attractive about DW when we met. But I can tell you I wouldn't be interested in you. Youre very abrasive and while you may be book smart, it doesn't sound like you have much critical thinking. That's a must for me.

And OP is a 5, whereas her friend is a 8, big difference there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because your friend probably projects more confidence and happiness than you. You seem insecure and petty, which is a huge turnoff.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:they are friends so i’m guessing they are about the same age.

Out matters what age the women are and also matters what age the men are.

Agree with other PP that the women in the photos seem very similar.

I think most men worth marrying would pick the girl like you, OP. You seem to have a great personality. But then again, you are both deliberately looking for rich men, and I am positive that the men sense that.

Also, there are plenty of rich men that do not dress rich. Do you want the flashy guy or the down to earth guy? Are you flashy or down to earth OP? Do you want to be someone you are not? Do you want o be with someone that doesn't fit you, for the money?

It seems like money is the only thing you are worried about. That seems sad to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are friends so i’m guessing they are about the same age.

Out matters what age the women are and also matters what age the men are.

Agree with other PP that the women in the photos seem very similar.

I think most men worth marrying would pick the girl like you, OP. You seem to have a great personality. But then again, you are both deliberately looking for rich men, and I am positive that the men sense that.

Also, there are plenty of rich men that do not dress rich. Do you want the flashy guy or the down to earth guy? Are you flashy or down to earth OP? Do you want to be someone you are not? Do you want o be with someone that doesn't fit you, for the money?

It seems like money is the only thing you are worried about. That seems sad to me.

"It"

"to"

[Anonymous]

OP here. Another interesting point. Our mutual friends also casually mention that this friend is the one who will marry a "rich preppy guy and take perfect family holiday cards." I was always confused about why SHE was the one who was spotted even by fellow women as the one to live a certain lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I know divorced women who got boob jobs and hang out in bars of rich hotels OP. It is pathetic. Don't be them.