Do you feel guilty for not visiting the gravesites of your loved ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just more reasons here to affirm my wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered over my favorite upstate NY lake.

This! I absolutely do not want a grave. I'd like my ashes scattered in the Grand Canyon.

[Anonymous]

Scattering ashes can be expensive and time consuming, seems romantic but its a pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom died 4 years ago, and each year I have visited her grave on her birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas. I have never felt a "connection" to her grave, and I feel silly when I start to talk to her. I have considered discontinuing the visits, as I fully realize she isn't there. Yet, I feel guilty about it, as if I would be abandoing her.


How have those who have lost a loved one dealt with grave visits?

No. Grave sites (to me) are depressing. I'd rather remember the songs, the pictures, the memories. This is also why I detest funerals. My last impression of them is in the coffin (if it's open - which I HATE) or just of the depressing get together. I avoid them. I realize other people feel comforted by these things. I'm just not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually don’t believe in this kind of thing but my sister visited a Medium. The Medium told her that our friend, who was murdered as a young adult is thankful that we visit her grave since her family doesn’t visit her grave. Sad.

For fifty dollars, I can come up with bullshit like this.

It would take $50? You must not be very creative.

It appears, however, that you can be a complete jerk for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a different perspective, I enjoy going for walks around cemeteries. I love seeing gravestones with pictures or sayings or even a sports team flag by them or something. I enjoy thinking about the lives these people led. I feel a sense of peace in the cemetery.

I clean up graves that appear to have been neglected. I can’t do this for everyone because there are so many. But personally I would hate it if once I’m gone, no one took care of my last remaining memorial (though I recognize one day everyone who knew me will also be dead and it’ll be an inevitable thing). So I weed the forgotten people and say a quick prayer for them that I hope they’re in a peaceful place and that someone on earth thought of them.

Mt Auburn Cemetery outside of Boston is the best cemetery ever for meditative walks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scattering ashes can be expensive and time consuming, seems romantic but its a pain.

YES!!! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I thought I was the only one who finds cemetaries to be relaxing and peaceful. I thought I was being a morbid weirdo.

[Anonymous]

My MIL once told me that likes to hang out at cemeteries sometimes. She says it is peaceful, no one disturbs you, and you can sit there and cry for an hour and no one thinks that is weird and tries to cart you off to the loony bin. I think she mostly just does this after she and her DH get in a fight and she wants to get the heck out of the house for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL once told me that likes to hang out at cemeteries sometimes. She says it is peaceful, no one disturbs you, and you can sit there and cry for an hour and no one thinks that is weird and tries to cart you off to the loony bin. I think she mostly just does this after she and her DH get in a fight and she wants to get the heck out of the house for a while.

I totally get this. I am the PP who walks and cleans up graves of people I don’t know. When I see someone stop to park or someone who is at a grave I avoid them and most everyone does this for me too. I work in law enforcement and had a very meaningful case and I know where my victim is buried. There is a bench next to his grave and I sit there for a long time sometimes. It sounds stupid because I didn’t know him in real life but I’ll sit there and speak of everything that’s bothering me. No one comes near. No one questions. It feels good to speak emotions out loud and not be judged.

[Anonymous]

My Mom passed 8 years ago and some years, we went all the time and some years just birthdays and death anniversary. My kids used to love decorating the grave for the holiday. We made jack-o- lanterns, easter egg field, christmas tree, etc. Now, my brother just passed away 4 weeks ago, and we will soon visit him twice, Valentine's day and birthday next month. I know they would like it.

[Anonymous]

We just “buried” my grandma yesterday. Her stone is on a wall. It’s bizarre. I had not gone to see grandpa’s stone on the wall since his funeral 20+ years ago. Likely won’t go now they are both in the wall. I mean, if my daughters ask, I’ll take them, but I don’t feel a need.

[Anonymous]

My parents are both buried in my hometown. I do not visit very often, and no, I don't feel guilty. I do not feel that my parents are there; their remains are there, yes, but I don't feel that their souls are there.

[Anonymous]

My father was cremated and his second wife has the ashes. I buried my mother 4 years ago and have only visited her grave once. I have decided I want to be cremated because burials are expensive and no one visits.