Do you feel guilty for not visiting the gravesites of your loved ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually don’t believe in this kind of thing but my sister visited a Medium. The Medium told her that our friend, who was murdered as a young adult is thankful that we visit her grave since her family doesn’t visit her grave. Sad.

For fifty dollars, I can come up with bullshit like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never gone and never will. No guilt. I don’t feel any connection to the cemetery. Sometimes I talk to my aunt silently when I’m cooking or in my house. That gives me comfort. I’m a little upset I’ve never received a sign back or anything but rationally know she died and isn’t here. I see my family members in my children all of the time and that gives me comfort.

I think a person can greive so heavily that their grief renders them incapable of seeing signs right in front of them. Also, people who tend to "not be into that stuff" won't see signs either. My ex was very closed minded and never had so much as a dream about his mother after her passing. It tormented him, but he was a prisoner of his own mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No grave visits. They are not there. They are in my heart.

This

[Anonymous]

I didn't go very often, but one time, I visited and a small sinkhole was developing near the grave. I told the cemetery and they repaired it. I have gone more often since to make sure the gravesite is maintained...I bring some clippers with me.

[Anonymous]

For my parents, there is (and will be) no gravesite. My grandparents were all buried with big formal funerals. My parents didn’t want that. They chose cremation. My dad recently passed away and we had a wonderful celebration of his life in a nice big room with a fire, open bar, music, fantastic food. He was cremated as per his wishes. We have an urn with his ashes. It’s beem a year, but we still ha e not scattered them.

I always was creeped out about my grandparents in a box in the ground. And, as a kid, I always had fears of being buried alive.

I prefer to go to places they loved versus a gravesite.

[Anonymous]

I think going to often can prevent you from moving past the death, but to each his own

[Anonymous]

When dating my now husband of over 20 years, we visited out of town relatives and one of the things they did was bring us tobacco cemetary. These people were dead long before my husband was born! I thought it strange, but to each their own.

In my family, graves/cemetaries are for the living. So, even though grandma was cremated and ashes scattered, someone wanted grandpa buried, so he is, with a headstone for grandma too (but she isn't there!). I went to the funeral and haven't been back since.

If someone feels the need to visit a gravesite, go for it. If not, keep the person in your heart and don't visit. No guilt!

[Anonymous]

I think I would visit if I lived anywhere near their cemetery but I don't. It would likely be on their anniversary. I have a lot of pictures of them around my house so I'm able to think about them a lot. I do miss them but their last years were not kind to them.

[Anonymous]

I go every 2-3 months, but here is the difference - My dad is buried at Congressional which has a lot of interesting markers
and its dog friendly so its always an attractive outing on a nice day! My grandparents are buried elsewhere that's not fun so I pretty much only visit when I go to a funeral.

[Anonymous]

Never really occured to me to go back after the funeral. I am not big into funerals, viewings, burials, etc. where the physical body is there. I hope to be able to donate my body to science or something when I die. Memorials/celebrations of life are fine, but my body doesn't need to be there. I also don't believe in an afterlife, so I'd only go to the grave if I was supporting someone for whom it was meaningful.

[Anonymous]

Both were cremated and their ashes spread near water. Both loved to swim or be out in nature so I often remember them when I'm on a hike or swimming, especially in a lake or river. That's how they would have wanted it.

[Anonymous]

It's more important to visit the living person, not a grave. If anyone feels guilty, it should be about not seeing a person enough or telling them they love them enough when they were alive.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel the need to visit grave sites, but I understand it brings comfort to some people. I do visit places that their favorite places and think of them. My father loved Disney world and we spent a lot of time there. I go back at least once a year with my siblings, almost always without our children.

[Anonymous]

I just nag and criticize myself until I'm in a total rage, and it feels like my mom is alive again.

[Anonymous]

This is why I want to be cremated. I don't want my parents/spouse/kids to worry about visiting a field with a rock stuck in it that says my name on it. I want them to remember me with stories and clinks of a glass and by loving each other.