Wrecked over goddaughters pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you want her to kill her baby so you don’t have to worry about needing to help take care of it? She’s an addict, she needs help getting clean and prepared for the birth of this child. Perhaps his parents are the ones who can help her if you are as unsupportive as you come across in your post.

+1 wow you are a horrible person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My addict teenage goddaughter is pregnant and says she plans on keeping the baby.

The “plan” is so ludicrous I can’t even begin to outline it bc it sounds almost like it’s made up. But she plans on moving in with the fathers family in their housing project apartment even though the father isn’t in the picture.

With everything else going on that’s like one of the more thought out aspects of this. It’s so so bad.

I talked to her for an hour tonight trying to show her why she needs to get an abortion. I told her about how expensive it all is, how insane being a parent is, I told her that the sadness of an abortion is peanuts compared to the sadness of looking at your child and knowing your faults are affecting them irreversibly.

I am also paralyzed bc although I could avoid it, I see a very clear path ahead where this baby ends up with me. Maybe not forever but this could impact my family considerably.

I’m just freaking out and I need some perspective. Please be kind. Is there any angle of this I could/should take with her to ensure I’ve done everything I can to salvage this situation. She has got to get an abortion. I need to tread so carefully.

“Please be kind.” Says the person encouraging someone to kill their unborn child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My addict teenage goddaughter is pregnant and says she plans on keeping the baby.

The “plan” is so ludicrous I can’t even begin to outline it bc it sounds almost like it’s made up. But she plans on moving in with the fathers family in their housing project apartment even though the father isn’t in the picture.

With everything else going on that’s like one of the more thought out aspects of this. It’s so so bad.

I talked to her for an hour tonight trying to show her why she needs to get an abortion. I told her about how expensive it all is, how insane being a parent is, I told her that the sadness of an abortion is peanuts compared to the sadness of looking at your child and knowing your faults are affecting them irreversibly.

I am also paralyzed bc although I could avoid it, I see a very clear path ahead where this baby ends up with me. Maybe not forever but this could impact my family considerably.

I’m just freaking out and I need some perspective. Please be kind. Is there any angle of this I could/should take with her to ensure I’ve done everything I can to salvage this situation. She has got to get an abortion. I need to tread so carefully.

“Please be kind.” Says the person encouraging someone to kill their unborn child.

Thank god we still have the freedom in this country for safe and legal abortions. I just donated to Planned Parenthood today. Now you run along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My addict teenage goddaughter is pregnant and says she plans on keeping the baby.

The “plan” is so ludicrous I can’t even begin to outline it bc it sounds almost like it’s made up. But she plans on moving in with the fathers family in their housing project apartment even though the father isn’t in the picture.

With everything else going on that’s like one of the more thought out aspects of this. It’s so so bad.

I talked to her for an hour tonight trying to show her why she needs to get an abortion. I told her about how expensive it all is, how insane being a parent is, I told her that the sadness of an abortion is peanuts compared to the sadness of looking at your child and knowing your faults are affecting them irreversibly.

I am also paralyzed bc although I could avoid it, I see a very clear path ahead where this baby ends up with me. Maybe not forever but this could impact my family considerably.

I’m just freaking out and I need some perspective. Please be kind. Is there any angle of this I could/should take with her to ensure I’ve done everything I can to salvage this situation. She has got to get an abortion. I need to tread so carefully.

“Please be kind.” Says the person encouraging someone to kill their unborn child.

Thank god we still have the freedom in this country for safe and legal abortions. I just donated to Planned Parenthood today. Now you run along.

For those that CHOOSE them. This woman is CHOOSING not to have one. Shouldn't that CHOICE be honored and respected? Or is it only worthy when someone is choosing YOUR way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My addict teenage goddaughter is pregnant and says she plans on keeping the baby.

The “plan” is so ludicrous I can’t even begin to outline it bc it sounds almost like it’s made up. But she plans on moving in with the fathers family in their housing project apartment even though the father isn’t in the picture.

With everything else going on that’s like one of the more thought out aspects of this. It’s so so bad.

I talked to her for an hour tonight trying to show her why she needs to get an abortion. I told her about how expensive it all is, how insane being a parent is, I told her that the sadness of an abortion is peanuts compared to the sadness of looking at your child and knowing your faults are affecting them irreversibly.

I am also paralyzed bc although I could avoid it, I see a very clear path ahead where this baby ends up with me. Maybe not forever but this could impact my family considerably.

I’m just freaking out and I need some perspective. Please be kind. Is there any angle of this I could/should take with her to ensure I’ve done everything I can to salvage this situation. She has got to get an abortion. I need to tread so carefully.

“Please be kind.” Says the person encouraging someone to kill their unborn child.

Thank god we still have the freedom in this country for safe and legal abortions. I just donated to Planned Parenthood today. Now you run along.

NP - I am pro choice and a regular donor to Planned Parenthood also. But I don’t think pressuring someone into an unwanted abortion is right... even if this girl having a baby is a terrible idea. It has got to be her choice and not one she was harassed into making.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can be a kind, compassionate person and still set appropriate boundaries for yourself. I suggest meeting with a mental health counselor and talking about what you are and are not prepared to do for this future child. (Assume it’s coming if that’s the choice your goddaughter has communicated; there’s no appropriate way to control others.) Then communicate what your plans are to your goddaughter. Tell her what, if any, time or money you would be available to give — in any cicurcumstance. If she follows through with raising the child on her own, hold fast to your plan. Be emotionally supportive and stick to your boundaries. She also has the paternal grandparents and various community programs for support. It might not be your ideal way to live, but it is an option that she finds acceptable.

You don’t know what the future will hold. She may stop using. She may end up in a stable dual-income household where her partner helps her raise the child. She might not change and all. Regardless, you don’t know. You can’t anticipate and solve everything right now. The only piece you can control is how you feel and how you react.

For what it’s worth, a young person who lost her parents and suffers with addiction may very well have attachment issues. Having a baby may be an appealing prospect because it’s someone to love her unconditionally. If you can have empathy for that and help to provide unconditional love in this young woman’s life, that will help more than any advice you could ever offer.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry you are struggling with this.

Yes, in an ideal world, she really is going to meetings and the pregnancy will bring her to the good side

Unfortunately, I think you are probably right that the baby will end up at your house. My best friends sister is like this. She lost her first baby and the father now has 100% custody. She cleaned up, got pregnant again, and by 6 months old, she is off god knows where doind drugs and the baby is at my best friends house. It is a terribly sad situation. I can't imagine what would make a mother leave her child, but hardcore drugs are very scary

Im so sorry OP. I hope you find some answers

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but you’re an ass for trying to “convince” someone to abort when you should be telling this girl that you are here for her and will support her decision either way. You have probably pushed her further into the housing projects because she feels the fathers family is more supportive and accepting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for trying to be there for your god daughter.

For those promoting adoption---please note it's not much easier than adoption. It's a tough choice to place a child for adoption after carrying it to term. The frief associated with being a birthmom is often unacknowledged.

Also,the baby isn't born an addict--it is born with a drug dependence.

Yes, who will grow up to be an addict herself.

Not necessarily true. With proper intervention, drug dependent infants can grow up to live healthy, productive lives. We were considering adopting a baby that was exposed to methadone in utero. It turned out the the birth family decided to parent, but we did a lot of research on this issue to prepare ourselves. What is most stigmatizing is people who label babies as addicts.
https://teens.drugabuse.gov/blog/post/are-some-babies-born-addicted

[Anonymous]

Not my monkeys, not my circus. I don't understand why you are even troubling yourself with this person. Ghost her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given her addiction I think she needs to understand the likelihood that the child will have developmental and possibly physical differences. Developmental delays, intellectual disability, learning problems, health problems. All of those are on the table and for the child to get the interventions they need, the child needs to have parents and family who have the resources to ensure that will happen.

The child has a significant disadvantage and may have a serious developmental disability.

I’m not advocating a particular plan of action (although I agree with you that abortion is not off the table) but I think you should try to communicate that she is likely taking on a level of responsibility far beyond raising a child because she is also going to have to face her role in her child’s difficulties every single day.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad she has you in her corner though.

I work with children of addicts, and very few of them have delays of any type. What is her drug of choice?

What work do you do with children of addicts? What services are they in need of that requires you to work with them? Curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My addict teenage goddaughter is pregnant and says she plans on keeping the baby.

The “plan” is so ludicrous I can’t even begin to outline it bc it sounds almost like it’s made up. But she plans on moving in with the fathers family in their housing project apartment even though the father isn’t in the picture.

With everything else going on that’s like one of the more thought out aspects of this. It’s so so bad.

I talked to her for an hour tonight trying to show her why she needs to get an abortion. I told her about how expensive it all is, how insane being a parent is, I told her that the sadness of an abortion is peanuts compared to the sadness of looking at your child and knowing your faults are affecting them irreversibly.

I am also paralyzed bc although I could avoid it, I see a very clear path ahead where this baby ends up with me. Maybe not forever but this could impact my family considerably.

I’m just freaking out and I need some perspective. Please be kind. Is there any angle of this I could/should take with her to ensure I’ve done everything I can to salvage this situation. She has got to get an abortion. I need to tread so carefully.

“Please be kind.” Says the person encouraging someone to kill their unborn child.

Thank god we still have the freedom in this country for safe and legal abortions. I just donated to Planned Parenthood today. Now you run along.

For those that CHOOSE them. This woman is CHOOSING not to have one. Shouldn't that CHOICE be honored and respected? Or is it only worthy when someone is choosing YOUR way?

THIS
THIS
THIS

Welcome to DCUM, home of the most self centered a-holes this side of the Mississippi.

[Anonymous]

Only a fool would adopt the child of a drug addicted mother. I know a family who did and their life was Hell. She should terminate this pregnancy and have her tubes tied so she won't get pregnant again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given her addiction I think she needs to understand the likelihood that the child will have developmental and possibly physical differences. Developmental delays, intellectual disability, learning problems, health problems. All of those are on the table and for the child to get the interventions they need, the child needs to have parents and family who have the resources to ensure that will happen.

The child has a significant disadvantage and may have a serious developmental disability.

I’m not advocating a particular plan of action (although I agree with you that abortion is not off the table) but I think you should try to communicate that she is likely taking on a level of responsibility far beyond raising a child because she is also going to have to face her role in her child’s difficulties every single day.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad she has you in her corner though.

I work with children of addicts, and very few of them have delays of any type. What is her drug of choice?

What work do you do with children of addicts? What services are they in need of that requires you to work with them? Curious.

Child care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My addict teenage goddaughter is pregnant and says she plans on keeping the baby.

The “plan” is so ludicrous I can’t even begin to outline it bc it sounds almost like it’s made up. But she plans on moving in with the fathers family in their housing project apartment even though the father isn’t in the picture.

With everything else going on that’s like one of the more thought out aspects of this. It’s so so bad.

I talked to her for an hour tonight trying to show her why she needs to get an abortion. I told her about how expensive it all is, how insane being a parent is, I told her that the sadness of an abortion is peanuts compared to the sadness of looking at your child and knowing your faults are affecting them irreversibly.

I am also paralyzed bc although I could avoid it, I see a very clear path ahead where this baby ends up with me. Maybe not forever but this could impact my family considerably.

I’m just freaking out and I need some perspective. Please be kind. Is there any angle of this I could/should take with her to ensure I’ve done everything I can to salvage this situation. She has got to get an abortion. I need to tread so carefully.

“Please be kind.” Says the person encouraging someone to kill their unborn child.

Thank god we still have the freedom in this country for safe and legal abortions. I just donated to Planned Parenthood today. Now you run along.

For those that CHOOSE them. This woman is CHOOSING not to have one. Shouldn't that CHOICE be honored and respected? Or is it only worthy when someone is choosing YOUR way?

THIS
THIS
THIS

Welcome to DCUM, home of the most self centered a-holes this side of the Mississippi.

Not knowing the nature of this woman's addiction, if its opiods and I had the choice between being her child or never being born, I'd honestly pick never being born. The level of neglect those children go through is horrific, its not like an emotionally volatile alcoholic (which is awful in its own right) - its a full inability to care about or meet the child's basic needs for clean diapers, food, and a safe environment - much less a loving and nurturing one. Have you all not heard the 1000s of stories of the baby that died due to maggot infestations after being left in a dirty diaper in a swing for 7 days, the malnourished kids who have picked through neighbors trashcans b/c no one is feeding them, the sobbing children trapped in a car seat with the parents passed out in the drivers seat? If its this type of addiction, I too would be pushing for an abortion in the best interest of the potential child.