Reply to Wrecked over goddaughters pregnancy

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you can be a kind, compassionate person and still set appropriate boundaries for yourself. I suggest meeting with a mental health counselor and talking about what you are and are not prepared to do for this future child. (Assume it’s coming if that’s the choice your goddaughter has communicated; there’s no appropriate way to control others.) Then communicate what your plans are to your goddaughter. Tell her what, if any, time or money you would be available to give — in any cicurcumstance. If she follows through with raising the child on her own, hold fast to your plan. Be emotionally supportive and stick to your boundaries. She also has the paternal grandparents and various community programs for support. It might not be your ideal way to live, but it is an option that she finds acceptable.

You don’t know what the future will hold. She may stop using. She may end up in a stable dual-income household where her partner helps her raise the child. She might not change and all. Regardless, you don’t know. You can’t anticipate and solve everything right now. The only piece you can control is how you feel and how you react.

For what it’s worth, a young person who lost her parents and suffers with addiction may very well have attachment issues. Having a baby may be an appealing prospect because it’s someone to love her unconditionally. If you can have empathy for that and help to provide unconditional love in this young woman’s life, that will help more than any advice you could ever offer.

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