Wrecked over goddaughters pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.


This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

The love of a family will then get a rehabilitated drug addict a job? Pay for health insurance for the baby? Manage the fall out when dad comes along demanding custody? Pay for lawyers? The OP should watch the baby when this all goes down and quit her own job?

You can have the love of the family after an abortion to sort out a path toward that doesn’t involve being a homeless drug addicted single mom.

Who was raising her all these years?

Can you not offer to care for her baby while she goes to rehab? And then let her live with you with the baby while she is recovering?
What she seems desperate for is the love of a family. Getting her an abortion isn’t going to achieve that.

Apparently not. Apparently she is so broken now that her path needs to start with a family, any family. OP could give her a decent family or she could select the homeless family but it’s very clear that she needs that togetherness, no matter how low you might think it is.

OP was this girl in foster care after her parents died? Where has she been living? Why are you even in her life if you are just lecturing her at this point ?

[Anonymous]

Is she 17 or 18 because you are not keeping your story straight between threads. I think this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

With an addict mom the baby will be exposed to drugs in uterero too. Biggest fear is not that a baby will be born, but that a baby will be made severely disabled because of the mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would refer her to Planned Parenthood. They will help her with whatever choice she decides to pursue.

This will not help at all.

If she says she wants to keep the baby, Planned Parenthood will talk to her about prenatal care. OP needs to keep talking to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.

This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

If she is going to meetings and has stopped using drugs that's good. She simply has decided that she wants to have a baby at 18 then that is her choice. I think it is completely fair to tell her that while you love her and will love her baby, too, you do not feel up for raising a small child again. The fact that she wants to move in with her boyfriend's family indicates that she is aware that she will need some help and she is willing to sacrifice a bit of her own personal freedom to get that help. She might be more mature than you realize.

I hope things work out. Give yourself time to let this sink in. I know it's a shock and not what you had envisioned for her but ultimately it is her life.

[Anonymous]

While children of addicts often suffer for the addictions of their parents, pregnancy is also something that can, in some circumstances, effectively motivate a young woman to get her life together. Some people are much better at caring for a baby than caring for themselves. Certainly not universal, but not unheard of either. Especially with a solid early childhood and adolescent trauma, this may be what your goddaughter needs to pull herself together. But seriously, where has she been living from 12-18? And if you “always felt there was a daughter out there for you” why do you not see your goddaughter or her possible daughter as that child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the poster who thinks there is a daughter out there for you. Stop it.

How do you know this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you want her to kill her baby so you don’t have to worry about needing to help take care of it? She’s an addict, she needs help getting clean and prepared for the birth of this child. Perhaps his parents are the ones who can help her if you are as unsupportive as you come across in your post.

Well the baby is going to born addicted and probably will not be cared for. I would say an abortion is a good option.

[Anonymous]

A disabled drug addicted baby suffering in pain who will later suffer from mental and physical disadvantages in life and a mother who cannot stop using <—- this is what some people in this thread think is the best option?!

[Anonymous]

OP, there are lots of holes in this scenario.

Where has this girl been living since age 12 when her parents died? Does she have any extended family? How did she go from eexpensive private schools to dating someone in the projects?

How often do you see her?

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for trying to be there for your god daughter.

For those promoting adoption---please note it's not much easier than adoption. It's a tough choice to place a child for adoption after carrying it to term. The frief associated with being a birthmom is often unacknowledged.

Also,the baby isn't born an addict--it is born with a drug dependence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the poster who thinks there is a daughter out there for you. Stop it.

How do you know this?

I wondered the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for trying to be there for your god daughter.

For those promoting adoption---please note it's not much easier than adoption. It's a tough choice to place a child for adoption after carrying it to term. The frief associated with being a birthmom is often unacknowledged.

Also,the baby isn't born an addict--it is born with a drug dependence.

Yes, who will grow up to be an addict herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for trying to be there for your god daughter.

For those promoting adoption---please note it's not much easier than adoption. It's a tough choice to place a child for adoption after carrying it to term. The frief associated with being a birthmom is often unacknowledged.

Also,the baby isn't born an addict--it is born with a drug dependence.

Why don’t you answer as to where this girl has been living the last 6 years??
Was she living with you? Foster care? Where?

[Anonymous]

I would keep talking to her about each option and the realities of what each entails. If you keep pushing one option, she may see you as being unsupportive and push you away. Addicts are more likely to recover when they have a strong support system. It sucks and you don’t have to agree with her choice, but at the end of the day, it is her body, her baby, her choice.

I would also encourage her to seek treatment so she is less likely to relapse. Not just during the pregnancy, but after when the possibility of a relapse increases significantly.