Wrecked over goddaughters pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My addict teenage goddaughter is pregnant and says she plans on keeping the baby.

The “plan” is so ludicrous I can’t even begin to outline it bc it sounds almost like it’s made up. But she plans on moving in with the fathers family in their housing project apartment even though the father isn’t in the picture.

With everything else going on that’s like one of the more thought out aspects of this. It’s so so bad.

I talked to her for an hour tonight trying to show her why she needs to get an abortion. I told her about how expensive it all is, how insane being a parent is, I told her that the sadness of an abortion is peanuts compared to the sadness of looking at your child and knowing your faults are affecting them irreversibly.

I am also paralyzed bc although I could avoid it, I see a very clear path ahead where this baby ends up with me. Maybe not forever but this could impact my family considerably.

I’m just freaking out and I need some perspective. Please be kind. Is there any angle of this I could/should take with her to ensure I’ve done everything I can to alvage this situation. She has got to get an abortion. I need to tread so carefully.

There is a third way: adoption. Did you mention that as one of her choices?

It's not really ideal with her being a drug addict.

I'm not a fan of abortions and would normally never recommend one, but I can see why it is probably the best option in this case. She can't care for herself, let alone a baby. Let alone a drug addicted baby who will likely be malnourished with all sorts of medical and developmental issues.

[Anonymous]

Wow, the haughty a-holes in this thread. But for the grace of god go you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would the baby wind up with you rather than with its grandparents?

Also, I was a teenage mom twice. My life did not end. My children (and I) are college educated and thriving and healthy. Worse things have happened.

You are the exception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would refer her to Planned Parenthood. They will help her with whatever choice she decides to pursue.

Haha. Right.

^ Spoken like somebody who has never set foot in a Planned Parenthood.

Bc I’m sure you go there for all your pregnancies right? They aren’t exactly known for their high quality OB care. In fact I would be shocked if they even offer OB care at all of the PPs.

They do provide care and referrals. PP is where I had all my gynecological care in college and for a few years post college. I did not use them for OB care because I successfully avoided getting pregnant thanks to PP. You are very ignorant if you think all PP does is abortion- MOST of what they do is not abortion.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.

This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.


This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

Who was raising her all these years?

Can you not offer to care for her baby while she goes to rehab? And then let her live with you with the baby while she is recovering?
What she seems desperate for is the love of a family. Getting her an abortion isn’t going to achieve that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.


This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

The love of a family will then get a rehabilitated drug addict a job? Pay for health insurance for the baby? Manage the fall out when dad comes along demanding custody? Pay for lawyers? The OP should watch the baby when this all goes down and quit her own job?

You can have the love of the family after an abortion to sort out a path toward that doesn’t involve being a homeless drug addicted single mom.

Who was raising her all these years?

Can you not offer to care for her baby while she goes to rehab? And then let her live with you with the baby while she is recovering?
What she seems desperate for is the love of a family. Getting her an abortion isn’t going to achieve that.

[Anonymous]

OP, given her addiction I think she needs to understand the likelihood that the child will have developmental and possibly physical differences. Developmental delays, intellectual disability, learning problems, health problems. All of those are on the table and for the child to get the interventions they need, the child needs to have parents and family who have the resources to ensure that will happen.

The child has a significant disadvantage and may have a serious developmental disability.

I’m not advocating a particular plan of action (although I agree with you that abortion is not off the table) but I think you should try to communicate that she is likely taking on a level of responsibility far beyond raising a child because she is also going to have to face her role in her child’s difficulties every single day.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad she has you in her corner though.

[Anonymous]

I can see that this isn't an ideal situation by any means and I hope she is not using now. But, I think when you post about spending an hour trying to convince someone to have an abortion, you are going to get an abortion debate. Even people who are ok with abortion don't tend to be ok with trying to convince someone who doesn't want one to get one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would the baby wind up with you rather than with its grandparents?

Also, I was a teenage mom twice. My life did not end. My children (and I) are college educated and thriving and healthy. Worse things have happened.

That’s great for you! Statistically, that makes you an outlier. Most teenagers who have children do not have such a rosy outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, given her addiction I think she needs to understand the likelihood that the child will have developmental and possibly physical differences. Developmental delays, intellectual disability, learning problems, health problems. All of those are on the table and for the child to get the interventions they need, the child needs to have parents and family who have the resources to ensure that will happen.

The child has a significant disadvantage and may have a serious developmental disability.

I’m not advocating a particular plan of action (although I agree with you that abortion is not off the table) but I think you should try to communicate that she is likely taking on a level of responsibility far beyond raising a child because she is also going to have to face her role in her child’s difficulties every single day.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad she has you in her corner though.

I work with children of addicts, and very few of them have delays of any type. What is her drug of choice?

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel you. Keep in mind DCUM is a harsh audience. They always try to make you feel bad for wanting to do good.

[Anonymous]

Someone actually decided not to abort you

[Anonymous]

You are the poster who thinks there is a daughter out there for you. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

So she’s an adult who wants to keep her baby. Instead of trying to convince her to abort, how about you be supportive of what could possibly be the biggest decision of her life? It needs to be her choice not yours. She will hate you the rest of her life if you talk her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.