30 year old nephew is upset he can't bring dog to my house on Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Besides the fact that it's not fair to many dogs to put them in a situation where there are a lot of people, holiday chaos, and likely children.

Years ago my son went to a Haunted Farm during Halloween season. There was an older dog roaming among hundreds of people and he reached over and petted her. Took 12 stitches to close the wounds--and this was a bite through a heavy jacket. A neighbor to the farmer that holds this event told my sister (who had brought the kids to the farm) the dog had arthritis and hip pain (also burrs in her coat, according to my son). Right after she bit my son, a girl with a church group tried to pet her (apparently hadn't seen what happened) and she showed up at the same ER as my son. Then the farmer could not produce proof of rabies vaccine and the county ordered the dog destroyed.

I felt bad for the dog, who never should have been put in that situation to begin with.

Awhile back a friend with 4 younger children visited my house for several nights. They arrived pretty late in the evening and the kids were all keyed up. I have an 8-yo husky mix who is the world's mellowest dog. When he sees a toddler or a baby he sniffs them, he's been walked inside the house on a leash by kids younger than 2, he likes to give baths to baby kittens. He tolerated all the noise and wild kids but then the three year old tried to sit on his head and he snapped at her--the worst that happened was a tiny bruise on her cheek (say 1/6 of an inch long, I mean really tiny) but she was terrified and we were all upset. There were no subsequent problems with the dog and the children and he accepted their hugs and petting just fine, but there was that moment that was scary.

Dogs may be family, but I don't think they have a concept of extended family and holidays and memorable visits. I think they like their familiar places and people.

The dog bit a child, (not snapped, snapping doesn't involve contact) and you continued to let the children hug and pet the dog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should hold your ground.

Having said that, I think the best thing to do is to set that rule up front. The year I got my dog, my brother invited me and my family for Christmas, and extended an invitation to my dog at the same time. I didn't ask, he literally said "Come visit, and bring the dog, I want to meet him!"

So, I made plans, and then on evening of the 23rd, after the car was packed for the next morning, and my elderly mother was waiting to be picked up, when every kennel was full, and Christmas gifts had been bought on the assumption we were traveling up there (ski gear for my kid's big gift, because he lives by a ski hill, gifts for him and his family that only made sense because I was driving up there), he called and said he'd changed his mind because he was worried his cat would be stressed out.

So, if you've allowed dogs in the past, or if your family member has good reason to believe that you would allow a dog (e.g. you told them "bring the dog!") then the negotiations about dogs need to be part of the initial conversation, and not something you throw out after things are otherwise set. I have no idea if you did that or not.

And never last minute. We have a story like the PPs. We were told the night before we left that the dog couldn’t come. (We’d been bringing her for nearly a decade, so this was a surprise. It turns out, my step mother treats even her children’s dogs better than she treats me and mine.)

So, I said to my dad. “OK, there’s nothing we can do about it now, since the kennel needs more notice than this. Which one of us would you prefer we leave home ? Me, son-in-law, or your grandson.“

He replied “pretend you never got this call.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Besides the fact that it's not fair to many dogs to put them in a situation where there are a lot of people, holiday chaos, and likely children.

Years ago my son went to a Haunted Farm during Halloween season. There was an older dog roaming among hundreds of people and he reached over and petted her. Took 12 stitches to close the wounds--and this was a bite through a heavy jacket. A neighbor to the farmer that holds this event told my sister (who had brought the kids to the farm) the dog had arthritis and hip pain (also burrs in her coat, according to my son). Right after she bit my son, a girl with a church group tried to pet her (apparently hadn't seen what happened) and she showed up at the same ER as my son. Then the farmer could not produce proof of rabies vaccine and the county ordered the dog destroyed.

I felt bad for the dog, who never should have been put in that situation to begin with.

Awhile back a friend with 4 younger children visited my house for several nights. They arrived pretty late in the evening and the kids were all keyed up. I have an 8-yo husky mix who is the world's mellowest dog. When he sees a toddler or a baby he sniffs them, he's been walked inside the house on a leash by kids younger than 2, he likes to give baths to baby kittens. He tolerated all the noise and wild kids but then the three year old tried to sit on his head and he snapped at her--the worst that happened was a tiny bruise on her cheek (say 1/6 of an inch long, I mean really tiny) but she was terrified and we were all upset. There were no subsequent problems with the dog and the children and he accepted their hugs and petting just fine, but there was that moment that was scary.

Dogs may be family, but I don't think they have a concept of extended family and holidays and memorable visits. I think they like their familiar places and people.

The dog bit a child, (not snapped, snapping doesn't involve contact) and you continued to let the children hug and pet the dog?

IKR? Typical dog person. Excuses galore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister spent Christmas being in a sulky bad mood. She ruined the day for me and didn’t stay very long. Wow.

I fault the sister more than the nephew in a way. Doesn’t sound like the nephew has ever hosted a family holiday. If he had, he’d be more likely to be understanding. The sister is obnoxious. She should have laid down the law forcefully with nephew and taught him better manners. She should never have told you he was upset. Totally manipulative. The fact that she was not a gracious guest on Christmas says it all. OP - is this behavior typical of her?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing worse than the chaos of a big family gathering + dogs running around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can be bring the dog but crate it?

No, because OP said no dogs.