Why my friend is single?

[Anonymous]

Because she is a broken Barbie

[Anonymous]

By late 30s, early 40s, all my never married female and male friends were people where there was no f-ing way i could imagine anyone wanting to come home to them every night for the rest of their lives. Nothing to do with looks. But they ranged from mental defects (depression, anorexia, body hatred, self loathing, narcissism, etc), to being super boring, irritating, over-clingy, etc etc. The kind of issues it is hard to imagine someone would look past. I'm guessing your friend is fine to have brunch with once a week, but no one wants to spend every day with her for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Op here
So you think she will never meet someone?
Yes she is pretty difficult. When I go visit her( she lives in different city) I want to run home on day 3. She is very nice for 2 days and then she needs her space, gets irritated by everything, starts cleaning every corner of her house maniacally.
She is very fun to go out with, and no she doesn’t hold sex for long opposite actually - gives it too soon.

The short term relationship was ended by both sides, after trip together. I am suspecting the “space” issue came up.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the question is why you are so obsessed with your "friend."

[Anonymous]

Hung up on unavailable men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here
So you think she will never meet someone?
Yes she is pretty difficult. When I go visit her( she lives in different city) I want to run home on day 3. She is very nice for 2 days and then she needs her space, gets irritated by everything, starts cleaning every corner of her house maniacally.
She is very fun to go out with, and no she doesn’t hold sex for long opposite actually - gives it too soon.

The short term relationship was ended by both sides, after trip together. I am suspecting the “space” issue came up.

She needs to meet herself! And fix the part of her that is sabotaging her love life. Sorry, OP, the problem is her, not that there isn't the right guy out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

That narrows the field down to 1 in a 100 men. Good luck with that!

[Anonymous]

How old is she? It can be hard after a certain age - the pool of decent single people gets smaller, and you have a better idea of what you like than you may have in your teens and 20's.

I'm single at 46 (single mom) and haven't really dated in years because I rarely meet eligible men in person and don't have the time for an extensive online dating experiment. Friends my age have found love online. Before I had my daughter, I dated fairly regularly and had boyfriends, but never anyone I really wanted to marry. I probably could be married, but I didn't see myself staying married to the guys I was dating.

I have a bunch of friends who are single or divorced. They run the gamut from super hot to average. Most are successful, and most have good personalities. A few have real issues that may be keeping them single. I think the rest just have bad luck or bad timing or in some cases, bad taste in men.

The craziest, meanest women I know are married. I have no idea how they talked guys into marrying them and staying married, but there you have it. So it's not necessarily true that single must equal crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here
So you think she will never meet someone?
Yes she is pretty difficult. When I go visit her( she lives in different city) I want to run home on day 3. She is very nice for 2 days and then she needs her space, gets irritated by everything, starts cleaning every corner of her house maniacally.
She is very fun to go out with, and no she doesn’t hold sex for long opposite actually - gives it too soon.

The short term relationship was ended by both sides, after trip together. I am suspecting the “space” issue came up.

As an introvert, I kind of get this, honestly. But as someone who didn't' get married until my late 30's and looked around to see my friends who were happily partnered made compromises, I opened up my expectations and worked on chilling myself out. And also learning to ask for space nicely because I could recognize in myself when I needed it. Honestly, I'm still not as good at it as I should be, but was lucky enough to find a partner who could compliment/tolerate/round me out. He's not the drop-dead-gorgeous guy I thought I'd marry, but he's learned a better sense of style over time, and he takes better care of himself (exercise and diet) than he did when we met - I'm a lucky woman, but I also worked hard! Some couples thrive long distance, and honestly sounds like a good deal for her...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

I don’t get why this is so hilarious to people? It’s not that hard to find this guy. This guy is literally the only guy I’ve ever dated or been friends with- he’s everywhere. I don’t think it’s external, I think there’s something internal like some other PPs mentioned around subconsciously choosing the emotionally unavailable this guy.

Affluent, stable, available, attractive ivy leagers looking to date a 38 yo woman who has a very high opinion of herself are everywhere, dropping off trees. Uh huh.

You forgot something. But yeah, pretty ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have no further opinion on her. But I think you're an effin' moron, with your dribbling out of negative information. You could have answered your own damn question if you just read your own posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be looking but I suspect she is afraid of intimacy and so is pursuing the wrong guys - because beneath it all, she really doesn't want someone to get too close. I say this from my own experience of having pursued unavailable men because the available men were too scary.

You can't overcome this problem by telling yourself to go after men who fit a checklist of good qualities when your heart is not in it. You have to do therapy and understand why you are scared and learn to confront your fears with help from a professional. It was pretty scary for me to ask out the guy who I eventually married but it was possible after doing serious therapy around this.

this sounds like my sister as well. she's similar to OP's description of her friend: very pretty, smart, educated, makes over $150k/year. she always goes for the guy that's unavailable. and keeps seeing them after they've ended things. nothing wrong with her. and nothing wrong with being single, but she does want to meet someone.

Your sister sounds like me. Are we related PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

LOL, of course she does. I hope she enjoys cat lady land.

PS, will you hook me up with your friend? She sounds like she's worth a pump and dump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

So she is very superficial and is not capable of forming meaningful connections. If she were 25 and hot, she would meet someone, but being 38 and have all these requirements (except for the important ones like “treats me well” and “is honest”) is very unappealing

[Anonymous]

OP the more you writ,e the more obvious it is that she's single