Why my friend is single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bat shit crazy

+1 it's not what any woman wants to hear but in large part it's the truth.

This. Sorry but either she looks desperate or she is crazy in the head. Needy, talks about marriage on the second date, can’t commit, has low libido or is sloppy. Goes the same way with non alpha dudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

I don’t get why this is so hilarious to people? It’s not that hard to find this guy. This guy is literally the only guy I’ve ever dated or been friends with- he’s everywhere. I don’t think it’s external, I think there’s something internal like some other PPs mentioned around subconsciously choosing the emotionally unavailable this guy.

Affluent, stable, available, attractive ivy leagers are everywhere, dropping off trees. Uh huh.

[Anonymous]

Cute thin blond. Sounds good. (Reads list of needs) no thanks. We want chill. She earns well, good career path,

I want to come home and laugh. Make dinner. Hang out.
There’s tons of women for that. Why would any guy
Put up with her demands.

She’s going to have to learn to be chill.

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and have no problem meeting nice guys. Of course I don’t want to get married and my kids are off to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

I don’t get why this is so hilarious to people? It’s not that hard to find this guy. This guy is literally the only guy I’ve ever dated or been friends with- he’s everywhere. I don’t think it’s external, I think there’s something internal like some other PPs mentioned around subconsciously choosing the emotionally unavailable this guy.

Affluent, stable, available, attractive ivy leagers are everywhere, dropping off trees. Uh huh.

There are plenty. But way more hot fun 25 year olds.

FFS what was OPS girl DOING in her 20s???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are not willing to settle. For them, finding a mate is about serious compatibility and not whether he can provide for you, be a good father, etc. This is one reason that so many people are in passionless, sexless marriages.

We are not all after the same thing.

This.
99% of people here settled because their ultimate end game was a sperm donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are not willing to settle. For them, finding a mate is about serious compatibility and not whether he can provide for you, be a good father, etc. This is one reason that so many people are in passionless, sexless marriages.

We are not all after the same thing.

This.
99% of people here settled because their ultimate end game was a sperm donor.

Funny, I settled because it was worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may be looking but I suspect she is afraid of intimacy and so is pursuing the wrong guys - because beneath it all, she really doesn't want someone to get too close. I say this from my own experience of having pursued unavailable men because the available men were too scary.

You can't overcome this problem by telling yourself to go after men who fit a checklist of good qualities when your heart is not in it. You have to do therapy and understand why you are scared and learn to confront your fears with help from a professional. It was pretty scary for me to ask out the guy who I eventually married but it was possible after doing serious therapy around this.

This totally describes a friend of mine who is still single at 41. There have been plenty of nice guys who have liked her along the way, but she's never been interested. She's only gone after unavailable men. She even dated someone who broke up with her because he just couldn't get her to open up and felt like he didn't really know her after several months, which is exactly what PP surmised. For whatever reason, she's afraid of true intimacy. The guys she does date read her distance as disinterest and move on.

[Anonymous]

Overestimated her market value because she misinterpreted flings as potential marriage matches when they are not the same thing at all.

With every year and every failed relationship and every sexual notch on belt her value declined but she never noticed / realized that.

Probably a feminist and always thinks about what men can bring to the table but is ideologically not even capable of posing the same question to herself.

Now she’s missed her window.

It’s sad but she has only herself (and our messed up culture) to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like an honest opinion maybe from the guys. Genuinely curious and want to help.
My friend has been single for over 8 years. She had very very short term type relationships couple times( like 1 month each) but it’s mostly just dates. She also had a strange affair with an unavailable guy, who had live in gf and finally had a child with this woman.
My friends is:
Pretty blond with pretty good body, not overweight, large breast.
Educated and financially ok. Accountant making 100k.
No baggage, no children.

Why is she still single while she is actively looking?

Who ended the short term relationships?

Some women seem perfectly normal around other women but are very awkward around men in one on one situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bat shit crazy

+1 it's not what any woman wants to hear but in large part it's the truth.

This. Sorry but either she looks desperate or she is crazy in the head. Needy, talks about marriage on the second date, can’t commit, has low libido or is sloppy. Goes the same way with non alpha dudes.

+2. Speaking on behalf of men, we will often put up with a LITTLE bit of crazy if the woman is indeed attractive to us. So my guess is either 1) you are over estimating her attractiveness, or 2) her expectations are unrealistic or 3) she has some sort of weird personality issues that send up big red flags to the men she does go out with. Perhaps a combination of all three, but if the guys are breaking off the relationships (not her) then I suspect its more to do with her personality than appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dating scene has evolved much like the job market. Attractive, educated, and gainfully employed are up there with master's degrees. Everyone has those now. What else are you bringing to the table that makes you stand out? Why should I pick you to be my long term partner?

Guys will hit on anybody, so I assume she gets advances all the time, especially if she's attractive. The problem could be that she's probably looking for a specific type of guy or thinks that guys should be the hunters and approach her. In that case, see the previous paragraph.

If she is going on dates but nothing's sticking then either she's putting out too soon and (double standards being what they are) they're not taking her seriously as a long term candidate. It could also be that her personality sucks. She could be the princess type, the bitter type, or the master planner type who scares guys away with her five year plan for marriage and kids.

She could be annoying or boring or obnoxious. I have female friends who seem cool as hell around me, but they're completely different when they get in a relationship. What you see in her as a friend may not exist when she goes into relationship mode.

I'd say it's more likely she's not putting out soon enough and they think she's not interested and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Overestimated her market value because she misinterpreted flings as potential marriage matches when they are not the same thing at all.

With every year and every failed relationship and every sexual notch on belt her value declined but she never noticed / realized that.

Probably a feminist and always thinks about what men can bring to the table but is ideologically not even capable of posing the same question to herself.

Now she’s missed her window.

It’s sad but she has only herself (and our messed up culture) to blame.

It *could* be this. Or it could also be that deep down she really doesn’t want married life with kids due to being a diva. I have a close friend who is 42, very attractive and single, VP at global company, travels non-stop, dates unavailable men, etc. In her mid/late 30’s she claimed to herself and others that she just couldn’t meet the right guy, but now she’s over that hump so to speak and just openly admits she is too selfish to give up her lifestyle or to accept even one small unappealing thing in a prospective partner.

I don’t see the problem really. The ost desirable men typically want a very feminine, naturally selfless and very attractive woman. They certainly exist, but some very attractive women have alpha personalities due to genentic personality and deep down would feel squashed and unfulfilled contorting themselves to be an attractive long trrm mate to another alpha personality.

[Anonymous]

High maintenance. Most men don't want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

LMAO so like most women she has a list of 2,324 requirements a man has to meet before she'll have a relationship with him. And you wonder why she's single?