Why my friend is single?

[Anonymous]

I would like an honest opinion maybe from the guys. Genuinely curious and want to help.
My friend has been single for over 8 years. She had very very short term type relationships couple times( like 1 month each) but it’s mostly just dates. She also had a strange affair with an unavailable guy, who had live in gf and finally had a child with this woman.
My friends is:
Pretty blond with pretty good body, not overweight, large breast.
Educated and financially ok. Accountant making 100k.
No baggage, no children.

Why is she still single while she is actively looking?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, but there's nothing wrong with being single. And from what you say above, looks like maybe she's not meeting the right type of guys to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, but there's nothing wrong with being single. And from what you say above, looks like maybe she's not meeting the right type of guys to begin with.

Yes I know there is nothing wrong. But the problem is that she wants to meet a guy, get married. She is 38.

[Anonymous]

She may be looking but I suspect she is afraid of intimacy and so is pursuing the wrong guys - because beneath it all, she really doesn't want someone to get too close. I say this from my own experience of having pursued unavailable men because the available men were too scary.

You can't overcome this problem by telling yourself to go after men who fit a checklist of good qualities when your heart is not in it. You have to do therapy and understand why you are scared and learn to confront your fears with help from a professional. It was pretty scary for me to ask out the guy who I eventually married but it was possible after doing serious therapy around this.

[Anonymous]

Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

[Anonymous]

Bat shit crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

[Anonymous]

Some people are not willing to settle. For them, finding a mate is about serious compatibility and not whether he can provide for you, be a good father, etc. This is one reason that so many people are in passionless, sexless marriages.

We are not all after the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

Maybe she is getting unlucky and not finding a good guy who is available. or maybe she is waiting for things to happen while other women are jumping on the available men and closing the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bat shit crazy

+1 it's not what any woman wants to hear but in large part it's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Pretty blond with pretty good body, not overweight, large breast.
Educated and financially ok. Accountant making 100k.
No baggage, no children.

That's a resume, not a description of a real person. I'm not denying that looks matter, or that struggling financially or having children makes it more difficult to date, but: Does she have any hobbies? Is she a homebody or a partier? Does she read books, engage in the world, have compassion for people? Is she nice?

For some of these, there's not a better or worse characteristic - some people like to socialize and dance, others stay home and read. But you have to find your match. And for others - well, we're all looking for nice.

That's not to say that it's her fault; even the most wonderful people sometimes have bad luck meeting the right person. But the way you wrote your question made it sound like finding the right person is just a matter of looking good, having a decent career, and having an uncomplicated person life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may be looking but I suspect she is afraid of intimacy and so is pursuing the wrong guys - because beneath it all, she really doesn't want someone to get too close. I say this from my own experience of having pursued unavailable men because the available men were too scary.

You can't overcome this problem by telling yourself to go after men who fit a checklist of good qualities when your heart is not in it. You have to do therapy and understand why you are scared and learn to confront your fears with help from a professional. It was pretty scary for me to ask out the guy who I eventually married but it was possible after doing serious therapy around this.

this sounds like my sister as well. she's similar to OP's description of her friend: very pretty, smart, educated, makes over $150k/year. she always goes for the guy that's unavailable. and keeps seeing them after they've ended things. nothing wrong with her. and nothing wrong with being single, but she does want to meet someone.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is scarred from her first marriage and has a relationship phobia of some sort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Pretty blond with pretty good body, not overweight, large breast.
Educated and financially ok. Accountant making 100k.
No baggage, no children.

That's a resume, not a description of a real person. I'm not denying that looks matter, or that struggling financially or having children makes it more difficult to date, but: Does she have any hobbies? Is she a homebody or a partier? Does she read books, engage in the world, have compassion for people? Is she nice?

For some of these, there's not a better or worse characteristic - some people like to socialize and dance, others stay home and read. But you have to find your match. And for others - well, we're all looking for nice.

That's not to say that it's her fault; even the most wonderful people sometimes have bad luck meeting the right person. But the way you wrote your question made it sound like finding the right person is just a matter of looking good, having a decent career, and having an uncomplicated person life.

So not only you have to concentrate on your career, make sure you look good, you have to have hobbies and volonteer?
Is that what men are looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is scarred from her first marriage and has a relationship phobia of some sort.

Never been married.