Why my friend is single?

[Anonymous]

So not only you have to concentrate on your career, make sure you look good, you have to have hobbies and volonteer?
Is that what men are looking for?

Men aren’t looking at your resume. Career and dating are separate things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Oh no, she's not too demanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

There's your answer. That guy would not be interested in the woman you described (unless he is significantly older).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may be looking but I suspect she is afraid of intimacy and so is pursuing the wrong guys - because beneath it all, she really doesn't want someone to get too close. I say this from my own experience of having pursued unavailable men because the available men were too scary.

You can't overcome this problem by telling yourself to go after men who fit a checklist of good qualities when your heart is not in it. You have to do therapy and understand why you are scared and learn to confront your fears with help from a professional. It was pretty scary for me to ask out the guy who I eventually married but it was possible after doing serious therapy around this.

This is probably it. This was me, too, but unlike smart PP, I never did therapy and ended up alone. I did become a mother along the way, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Hahha.. is this a troll?

Happily married male in my early 40's but my friend circle includes some single guys who meet most of those requirements. If they want to settle down and have a family, they're not going to go for a 38 year old (biological clock thing) and definitely not one who shows up with a list of requirements like that. My guess is your friend is high maintenance.

Tell her to be realistic about her requirements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

HA HA HA HA HA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has no interest in a LTR?

Maybe she enjoys the fun/excitement of short relationships?

maybe she has the personality of a doorknob?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a friend of mine who is about to turn 40 and has never been married. She has a ridiculous list of criteria for a potential spouse and things like a man having a beard (gasp!) or living more than 5 miles from her (shriek!) or being taller than 6' (moan) are all deal breakers for her. She also wants someone with no kids, which is harder to find at her age. I think she's destined to be alone, honestly. She's so high maintenance that I think no one will deal with her, regardless of how attractive she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

+1

I’m suspecting a troll.

[Anonymous]

The dating scene has evolved much like the job market. Attractive, educated, and gainfully employed are up there with master's degrees. Everyone has those now. What else are you bringing to the table that makes you stand out? Why should I pick you to be my long term partner?

Guys will hit on anybody, so I assume she gets advances all the time, especially if she's attractive. The problem could be that she's probably looking for a specific type of guy or thinks that guys should be the hunters and approach her. In that case, see the previous paragraph.

If she is going on dates but nothing's sticking then either she's putting out too soon and (double standards being what they are) they're not taking her seriously as a long term candidate. It could also be that her personality sucks. She could be the princess type, the bitter type, or the master planner type who scares guys away with her five year plan for marriage and kids.

She could be annoying or boring or obnoxious. I have female friends who seem cool as hell around me, but they're completely different when they get in a relationship. What you see in her as a friend may not exist when she goes into relationship mode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

+1

I’m suspecting a troll.

18:01 here. Yep. Wish I'd read all the comments before wasting my time posting.

[Anonymous]

All of my single friends are single because they have insanely unrealistic expectations for a partner. Literally every single one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have low self-esteem? A lot of my friends with low self-esteem have short relationships and choose horrible people

Then they get really defensive about their singleness and say that a smart and beautiful woman is too intimidating for most men, but it's just that they're choosing the worst kind of people to date.

I am not sure if it’s low self-esteem or actually too high self-esteem. She wants to date men only with Ivy League education( preferably), with high net worth, from very good family, with prestige profession and he needs to own big clean nice place. On the top she wants him to be generous, funny, well-travelled, dress with taste, and have love for fine dining.

Kinda buried the lede there, didn't you, OP? FFS.

I don’t get why this is so hilarious to people? It’s not that hard to find this guy. This guy is literally the only guy I’ve ever dated or been friends with- he’s everywhere. I don’t think it’s external, I think there’s something internal like some other PPs mentioned around subconsciously choosing the emotionally unavailable this guy.