He proposed, I broke up with him because of zero intimacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the middle ground to most of these pieces of advice.

I would text back to each person--"I adore your son/brother and he has a full understanding of the reason I am not able or willing to enter into a lifetime commitment with him and had no choice but to break off the relationship. Out of love and respect for his privacy, I do not feel it is my place to disclose this reason to you, but he is free to do so if he wishes for you to know the truth. I will truly miss him but know that this is the right decision for our futures...and I wish the best to all of you." And THEN block their numbers.

This is so passive-aggressive. Blah.

I think you don't know what passive aggressive means. This approach takes the high road, is kind/honest/low drama, and solves the problem (via blocking).

[Anonymous]

I have seen few threads like this where a guy in 20s and 30s wouldn’t want to be intimate with his partner. I don’t get it. Could there be a medical reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the middle ground to most of these pieces of advice.

I would text back to each person--"I adore your son/brother and he has a full understanding of the reason I am not able or willing to enter into a lifetime commitment with him and had no choice but to break off the relationship. Out of love and respect for his privacy, I do not feel it is my place to disclose this reason to you, but he is free to do so if he wishes for you to know the truth. I will truly miss him but know that this is the right decision for our futures...and I wish the best to all of you." And THEN block their numbers.

This is so passive-aggressive. Blah.

I think you don't know what passive aggressive means. This approach takes the high road, is kind/honest/low drama, and solves the problem (via blocking).

Please. Low drama is simply blocking the numbers. Passive aggressive is, "He knows why we broke up, I won't tell you, but you should ask him," when he obviously doesn't want to have that discussion with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of two things: Block their number (which I would have done after the first nasty text) or tell them the truth (and then block their number so you don't get a reply.)

Do not tell them the reason.

That would be beyond cruel.

Just block their numbers.

I would text him with a screenshot a couple of the meaner texts, and tell him that if you get one more text from with his mother or sister, you're telling them the reason for the breakup. If he doesn't want to be honest with his family, that's his business, until they make it your business. He's got no right to make you bear the brunt of his issues, or lack of transparency with his family.

this

just because you feel bad doesn't mean they get to villianize and torture you, I'm sure you are broken up about it too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of two things: Block their number (which I would have done after the first nasty text) or tell them the truth (and then block their number so you don't get a reply.)

Do not tell them the reason.

That would be beyond cruel.

Just block their numbers.

I would text him with a screenshot a couple of the meaner texts, and tell him that if you get one more text from with his mother or sister, you're telling them the reason for the breakup. If he doesn't want to be honest with his family, that's his business, until they make it your business. He's got no right to make you bear the brunt of his issues, or lack of transparency with his family.

this

just because you feel bad doesn't mean they get to villianize and torture you, I'm sure you are broken up about it too

I would screenshot the texts and send them to him. Ask him to clarify with mom and sister. Block their phone numbers .

I feel very sad for both of you. You both must be going through a really difficult time .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have seen few threads like this where a guy in 20s and 30s wouldn’t want to be intimate with his partner. I don’t get it. Could there be a medical reason?

Low T is more common than you think. It is unfortunate that many doctors are dismissive of it as a problem, and won't recommend TRT. Even young guys can suffer from it. But the first step is that the guy has to realize he has a problem, and has to want to treat it. This is harder than you might think. When someone goes on TRT, one of the first things they say is, "I had no idea what I was missing!"

[Anonymous]

You should respond sometime glike, “thank you for reaffirming my decision to not marry into your family” and then block away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the middle ground to most of these pieces of advice.

I would text back to each person--"I adore your son/brother and he has a full understanding of the reason I am not able or willing to enter into a lifetime commitment with him and had no choice but to break off the relationship. Out of love and respect for his privacy, I do not feel it is my place to disclose this reason to you, but he is free to do so if he wishes for you to know the truth. I will truly miss him but know that this is the right decision for our futures...and I wish the best to all of you." And THEN block their numbers.

This is so passive-aggressive. Blah.

I think you don't know what passive aggressive means. This approach takes the high road, is kind/honest/low drama, and solves the problem (via blocking).

It's too much of a message. Just keep it short and sweet. "I care very much about your brother/son but I do not see a long term relationship working out us. I am sad to see the relationship end, too. But I do think it's the best thing for us both. Please stop it with the texts or I will be forced to block you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You stayed in an exclusive (and sexless) relationship with this guy for 2 years! That was your choice to stay with him, Op. Something about the relationship must have been working out for both of you to stay with him so long.

You say you both loved each other but you couldn't see resigning yourself to never having sex again so you broke up with him. Fair enough and certainly understandable.

While it is also totally understandable that this guy is heartbroken, even devastated over losing you, it is terrible for his mother and sister to be hounding YOU like this. My guess is the guy is distraught and his mom and sister have been dealing with quite a train wreck. They are appalled by the state he is in and are crediting you with his despair.

Your ex extremely emotionally fragile right now and his mom and sister are his support system. I think it would be extremely unkind of you to tell his family the private details of your sex life (or lack thereof) with this guy. You were just as much a part of that scenario as he was for the past two years.

Don't say anything to his mom and sister. Or if you do say anything keep it respectful "I loved Stan but I did not see our relationship working out long term. This is a very sad time for me, too. Please, no more texts."

Wow. Why are you blaming OP? She stayed too long, without a doubt. But she got a wake up call and broke it off when she realized it wasn't going to work.

[Anonymous]

Delete the texts? Heck no, I would engrave them on my headstone

[Anonymous]

It takes 4 pages to tell somebody to block a couple numbers and move the hell on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in your 20s? 30s? And a guy in his 20s or 30s can’t get it up? What is wrong with men?

Too much porn. DH says he warns SS all the time.

*facepalm*

Guys who watch porn are creeps.

95+% of men are creeps, then.
And plenty of women.

who are your friends? ewwwww

Do you always sound like a 13yr old girl or just communicate like one when on the internet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen few threads like this where a guy in 20s and 30s wouldn’t want to be intimate with his partner. I don’t get it. Could there be a medical reason?

Low T is more common than you think. It is unfortunate that many doctors are dismissive of it as a problem, and won't recommend TRT. Even young guys can suffer from it. But the first step is that the guy has to realize he has a problem, and has to want to treat it. This is harder than you might think. When someone goes on TRT, one of the first things they say is, "I had no idea what I was missing!"

I’ll tell you what I’m missing since I’ve been on TRT - my hair. My urologist put me on trt and I went from a full head of dark hair and being reasonably attractive to looking like Moby in a year. I realized it was falling out after a friend noticed and I dicontinued meds immediately. It was too late though my hair had been pretty damaged. After I quit taking the meds my doc diagnosed me with a varicocoelle as the reason for my low test. After a simple surgery and a few months of good sleeping/eating/working out I was back in the high normal range.

Doctors NEED to be prudent with prescribing hormone therapy. I sure as hell wish mine had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had been dating for 2 years. I don’t know how it even lasted that long. We attempted intimacy 5 times in 2 years . Unsuccessful every time. We spoke of this often, every month. He wouldn’t go to the doctor for help. On Tuesday evening we were talking about it again, and out of the blue he proposes! He told me that I have been so patient and stayed with him that he knows I love him. Which I do. But I can’t handle ZERO intimacy. I told him this and broke up with him. I’m heart broken, but know that I do not want to be in a sexless relationship.

He went home for Thanksgiving and I don’t know what the conversation was, but I received MANY nasty texts from his mother and sister. They said some very mean and hurtful things. I haven’t responded to any of the texts. Between the 2 of them, I gotten about 17 mean texts.

What should I do?

I hate that they think I’m this cold hearted person because they clearly don’t know the situation, nor is it any of their business. They think I turned down a proposal and kicked him out.

How old is he and how is his general health? Is he on any meds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You stayed in an exclusive (and sexless) relationship with this guy for 2 years! That was your choice to stay with him, Op. Something about the relationship must have been working out for both of you to stay with him so long.

You say you both loved each other but you couldn't see resigning yourself to never having sex again so you broke up with him. Fair enough and certainly understandable.

While it is also totally understandable that this guy is heartbroken, even devastated over losing you, it is terrible for his mother and sister to be hounding YOU like this. My guess is the guy is distraught and his mom and sister have been dealing with quite a train wreck. They are appalled by the state he is in and are crediting you with his despair.

Your ex extremely emotionally fragile right now and his mom and sister are his support system. I think it would be extremely unkind of you to tell his family the private details of your sex life (or lack thereof) with this guy. You were just as much a part of that scenario as he was for the past two years.

Don't say anything to his mom and sister. Or if you do say anything keep it respectful "I loved Stan but I did not see our relationship working out long term. This is a very sad time for me, too. Please, no more texts."

Wow. Why are you blaming OP? She stayed too long, without a doubt. But she got a wake up call and broke it off when she realized it wasn't going to work.

Point is, she stayed with the guy for 2 years in a sexless relationship. That was Op's choice and she needs to own that. The details of their private sexual relationship should not be discussed with this poor man's mother and sister. Disclosing details like that would be hitting below the belt and a completely nasty thing to do. Nor would I fire off mean zingers at him - "Your family makes me glad I dumped your azz, buster!"

Be nice. Be a class act. Treat him with respect.