Dreading visit from smelly ILs

[Anonymous]

Put scented hand cream on the back of your hand. Smell as needed.

[Anonymous]

Possible they have an older front loading washer? Ours used to stink terribly. I’d have to clean it with bleach almost weekly, especially when we were on a well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe you that they have a smell--my MILs house has a particular smell (not bad, just different) that I notice when I am first there, and my SIL wears just way too much perfume and my house smells after she has been there. Is it possible that it has been so much worse for you the last few years because of pregnancy hormones? When I was pregnant (even before I knew) I complained incessantly about smells that my husband could not smell. I'm normally pretty sensitive to smells, but being pregnant and postpartum it was so much worse and overwhelming. Anyway--this is a known pregnancy thing and perhaps you could use that as a cover to say something to them.

OP here. Yes! While pregnant with my first child 7 years ago, I developed an extreme sensitivity to smell that never went away. I'm sensitive to even the mildest scents that no one else seems to notice. Thank you for believing me, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my mother and MIL would be totally mortified if they smelled for years and I never let them know.

Not easy to do but nice ways to tell people you notice an odor.
People who love people do not let them stink.

OP here. So what nice ways would you tell people you love that they have a terrible stench?

As wonderful as ILs are, I don't see any way to tell them without them feeling completely humiliating them and DH being mad at me forever.

I don't have any ideas. But would love to hear if you do.

Not your place to tell them....DH should or perhaps one of his siblings? You can't be the only one who notices and if I were your ILs I would definitely want to know.

Better coming from the daughter in law than the son.

The DIL who is self-admittedly "borderline OCD when it comes to my own personal hygiene/home cleanliness"?

Riiiight. That's going to be a choice and welcome conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Huh?

Yeah, i don't get it either.

You really are so dense that you don't get how deeply offensive it would be if OP were a white woman commenting on "the smell" of her black, or Indian, or Mexican American ILs? Or if OP were an Indian woman commenting on "the smell" of her white or Japanese ILs?

If they smell, they smell. Why would you ignore that just because of somebody's ethnicity?

Because what she's smelling may be the spices they use in their food that are simply unfamiliar to her, not unhygienic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you that they have a smell--my MILs house has a particular smell (not bad, just different) that I notice when I am first there, and my SIL wears just way too much perfume and my house smells after she has been there. Is it possible that it has been so much worse for you the last few years because of pregnancy hormones? When I was pregnant (even before I knew) I complained incessantly about smells that my husband could not smell. I'm normally pretty sensitive to smells, but being pregnant and postpartum it was so much worse and overwhelming. Anyway--this is a known pregnancy thing and perhaps you could use that as a cover to say something to them.

OP here. Yes! While pregnant with my first child 7 years ago, I developed an extreme sensitivity to smell that never went away. I'm sensitive to even the mildest scents that no one else seems to notice. Thank you for believing me, PP!

DP here and same issue. My husband calls me the bloodhound. I’m sorry, OP. It must be awful but I don’t know what you could do. Maybe PP’s suggestion about sniffing scented hand cream. If you can stand that. The only scent I can stand is a very light citrus.

A friend of DH’s visited us the other day. So much cologne that I could track where he’d been in the house for hours afterward. It was awful. Even DH conceded that he could smell it “a little bit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Possible they have an older front loading washer? Ours used to stink terribly. I’d have to clean it with bleach almost weekly, especially when we were on a well.

We had friends who smelled and we thought this might be their problem! Either dirty washer or they just let their clothes sit in the washer for days before drying them. Of course we never said anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you that they have a smell--my MILs house has a particular smell (not bad, just different) that I notice when I am first there, and my SIL wears just way too much perfume and my house smells after she has been there. Is it possible that it has been so much worse for you the last few years because of pregnancy hormones? When I was pregnant (even before I knew) I complained incessantly about smells that my husband could not smell. I'm normally pretty sensitive to smells, but being pregnant and postpartum it was so much worse and overwhelming. Anyway--this is a known pregnancy thing and perhaps you could use that as a cover to say something to them.

OP here. Yes! While pregnant with my first child 7 years ago, I developed an extreme sensitivity to smell that never went away. I'm sensitive to even the mildest scents that no one else seems to notice. Thank you for believing me, PP!

omg, I'm so sorry OP. Mine has slowly faded (my child is almost 2), but I remember how nauseating certain smells were. Some still really bother me, and I've always been sensitive to perfumes in general (cannot handle the smell of regular Tide detergent for example). Maybe after this pregnancy things will start to go back to normal. The previous pp's suggestion of putting a scent you do like on your hand worked for me when pregnant (lemon smell has always been soothing to me, or having a cup of mint tea to smell). I'm guessing that part of the problem is that you are not used to how you ILs smell, and then you get immersed in it for a few days and then it goes away and so you never get used to it. They probably do have more BO then some people--my brother certainly does (I just try not to sit right next to him).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my mother and MIL would be totally mortified if they smelled for years and I never let them know.

Not easy to do but nice ways to tell people you notice an odor.
People who love people do not let them stink.

OP here. So what nice ways would you tell people you love that they have a terrible stench?

As wonderful as ILs are, I don't see any way to tell them without them feeling completely humiliating them and DH being mad at me forever.

I don't have any ideas. But would love to hear if you do.

Not your place to tell them....DH should or perhaps one of his siblings? You can't be the only one who notices and if I were your ILs I would definitely want to know.

Better coming from the daughter in law than the son.

The DIL who is self-admittedly "borderline OCD when it comes to my own personal hygiene/home cleanliness"?

Riiiight. That's going to be a choice and welcome conversation.

Ok then you keep smelling ass. Who here would want to be funky for years and someone they love did not bother telling me . Rather 5 min of discomfort then knowing I was embarrassing myself.

[Anonymous]

OP here. These aren't food spices -- not even close. It's not mold or mildew. It's like a bad breath, rotting teeth smell -- I'm still not getting the description completely right. It's overpowering though. The last time MIL was in town I picked her up from the airport and the minute she got in my car, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately thought how terrible it must have been for the passenger sitting next to her on her flight.

I wish there was an easy way to tell the ILs, but there isn't. DH isn't going to do it because he won't want to hurt them (he has no siblings), and me doing it just doesn't feel like the right answer. Oh well. I will just have to keep sucking it up like I've been doing for the past several years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my mother and MIL would be totally mortified if they smelled for years and I never let them know.

Not easy to do but nice ways to tell people you notice an odor.
People who love people do not let them stink.

OP here. So what nice ways would you tell people you love that they have a terrible stench?

As wonderful as ILs are, I don't see any way to tell them without them feeling completely humiliating them and DH being mad at me forever.

I don't have any ideas. But would love to hear if you do.

Not your place to tell them....DH should or perhaps one of his siblings? You can't be the only one who notices and if I were your ILs I would definitely want to know.

Better coming from the daughter in law than the son.

The DIL who is self-admittedly "borderline OCD when it comes to my own personal hygiene/home cleanliness"?

Riiiight. That's going to be a choice and welcome conversation.

Ok then you keep smelling ass. Who here would want to be funky for years and someone they love did not bother telling me . Rather 5 min of discomfort then knowing I was embarrassing myself.

You don't see ANY other option? Like … having DH broach the subject, as was initially suggested?

Can you not read, or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Enough with the political correctness! What's wrong with a person from one culture saying that people from another culture smell in a way she doesn't like? Stuff like that happens and you can't make it not happen just by deleting the words that describe it. Signed - a minority-culture POC female married to a white/European male who has traveled around the world enough to know that unfamiliar smells can be really annoying and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you that they have a smell--my MILs house has a particular smell (not bad, just different) that I notice when I am first there, and my SIL wears just way too much perfume and my house smells after she has been there. Is it possible that it has been so much worse for you the last few years because of pregnancy hormones? When I was pregnant (even before I knew) I complained incessantly about smells that my husband could not smell. I'm normally pretty sensitive to smells, but being pregnant and postpartum it was so much worse and overwhelming. Anyway--this is a known pregnancy thing and perhaps you could use that as a cover to say something to them.

OP here. Yes! While pregnant with my first child 7 years ago, I developed an extreme sensitivity to smell that never went away. I'm sensitive to even the mildest scents that no one else seems to notice. Thank you for believing me, PP!

omg, I'm so sorry OP. Mine has slowly faded (my child is almost 2), but I remember how nauseating certain smells were. Some still really bother me, and I've always been sensitive to perfumes in general (cannot handle the smell of regular Tide detergent for example). Maybe after this pregnancy things will start to go back to normal. The previous pp's suggestion of putting a scent you do like on your hand worked for me when pregnant (lemon smell has always been soothing to me, or having a cup of mint tea to smell). I'm guessing that part of the problem is that you are not used to how you ILs smell, and then you get immersed in it for a few days and then it goes away and so you never get used to it. They probably do have more BO then some people--my brother certainly does (I just try not to sit right next to him).

OP here. That's a good point PP. Because I only see ILs a few times a year, I never get used to it. I'm so bothered by the scent however that I don't even wait for it to go away on its own -- the minute they leave, I'm scrubbing everything down. I will take the PP's suggestion to put a scent I like on the back of my hand. I also keep all the windows open when they're in town -- that helps somewhat.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the whole thread, but OP, I'm super sensitive to smells in general. Two options, spray perfume on your clothes and breathe in as needed without pointing out, or, keep a thing of coffee in your hand at all times. I know you're pregnant, so do decaf, or mint tea, and open it up and smell it when needed.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god tell her she smells .