Told the wife she has no right to demand an answer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry.

I think you should go back to her and tell her you are not sleeping with somebody else, but that you'd like to consider it, since your wife doesn't want to sleep with you.

Tell her she can make it her business or not -- by either resuming an intimate, loving sex life with you, or not. And your actions will be dictated by hers.

+1 please go back and tell her you're not.

Maybe she is having a medical issue that is causing this

[Anonymous]

It was a pretty hostile move, OP. Either renegotiate the relationship on terms you both find acceptable or leave it. This isn’t fair to either of you. You want the benefits of divorce and the benefits of marriage at the same time, without discussing it with your wife. If the lack of intimacy is a dealbreaker, then break the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

You have gone a year without it. Apologize to her and accept that you will not have sex again. It's OK.

OP here... It's also been a year since I took a vacation. Heck... it's been almost three since I bought a new car...

Waiting three years betwee new cars is a bad thing? I can see the source of your money concerns.

But seriously, your marriage has issues and your needs aren’t anywhere close to being met. She may have her own unmet needs you’re not mentioning. (Personal hygiene? Help with the kids/cooking/house?) The way to address these is to talk about them directly, not with passive aggressive snark that implies you might or might not be having an affair, and then not clarifying. Of course you can go right from snark to divorce, and many do. But with kids and budget issues (she’s the high earner?) you should try to address your issues directly before deciding on divorce.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same situation. With some time and a lot of effort, things have improved. Marriages often go through phases. I guess the key question is what she really feels for you. If there is a bedrock of love under it all you can still make it work. If there is not, then you have a choice between a sexless marriage where you tolerate each other, or a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

He didn't say he was neglecting the kids. Stop projecting.

Yes. He did. He said his is going out more without the kids and leaving his wife to do all the parenting to avoid being around her.

[Anonymous]

1) get to know God.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yypZRTmpitw

2) you two need sex therapy not marriage therapy.


3) life is about management. Be a man and start managing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

OP here... there's enough time when the kids are at school, or asleep, or doing their own thing... to be out doing my own thing without neglecting the kids being an issue...

You go out after the kids are asleep, then are up in the next morning when they wake?

[Anonymous]

You shouldve pivoted and asked her if she was seeing someone. Answer her question with a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are a good man, you will not have a problem finding a mate once divorced.

OP here... I'm not scared of divorce... I just havn't decided I want one. I'm comfortable at home. I like waking up each morning to the kids being there. And we share finances and house chores well... just no intimacy in it, which is something I seem to desire and she does not. The question was (still is)... Does one continue to see a spouse who has given up on intimacy completely as a partner in this field, and should they (I actually) share feelings and information when I know they are not likely to lead to any progress in this area of the relationship?

Your feelings are normal, and your marriage is in a crisis situation. You should convey that to her; she should understand that the stakes are high and complacency isn’t gping to work anymore because you won’t renain in a marriage without intimacy or affection. Have an honest discussion about the possibility of divorce, and what that will mean for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

OP here... there's enough time when the kids are at school, or asleep, or doing their own thing... to be out doing my own thing without neglecting the kids being an issue...

You go out after the kids are asleep, then are up in the next morning when they wake?

OP here... I know it's hard for you to imagine... but they are in elementary school, and in bed by 9 PM. I can still make it to the gym, workout and back... and be up by 7 AM...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

He didn't say he was neglecting the kids. Stop projecting.

Yes. He did. He said his is going out more without the kids and leaving his wife to do all the parenting to avoid being around her.

No, he did not.

[Anonymous]

Have you discussed the possibility of an open marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry.

I think you should go back to her and tell her you are not sleeping with somebody else, but that you'd like to consider it, since your wife doesn't want to sleep with you.

Tell her she can make it her business or not -- by either resuming an intimate, loving sex life with you, or not. And your actions will be dictated by hers.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

He didn't say he was neglecting the kids. Stop projecting.

Yes. He did. He said his is going out more without the kids and leaving his wife to do all the parenting to avoid being around her.

OP here... you've added quite a lot on your own... wife works full time out of the house. I work at home most days. I can arrange my time so that I'm with the kids in the mornings and after school hours... and still have enough time to go to the gym, or friends, in the evenings. What's being neglected (or better said... replaced) is time with my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a pretty hostile move, OP. Either renegotiate the relationship on terms you both find acceptable or leave it. This isn’t fair to either of you. You want the benefits of divorce and the benefits of marriage at the same time, without discussing it with your wife. If the lack of intimacy is a dealbreaker, then break the deal.

Plus 1. You are acting immature by playing games. This is your kids lives so figure out what is in their best interest and move on. Acting like a teenager scorned serves no purpose.