Siblings who refuse to hire childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be an inlaw thing/children of my son thing. We too have had 2 hospitalizations where my parents hopped on a plane to help us. My local inlaws did not because it was me who needed help and not my DH (DH is overseas). They think that my parents should help my family when I need help and they should help if DH ever needed help. DH has never needed help though as he's always gone.

What? I have two sons and I hope I am never this crazy when they are adults.

Do you have a daughter too? Parents with both a son and a daughter always favor the daughter's kids. Parents with two sons seem to not favor the same way and are more equal. Just something my friends and I have noticed.

Maybe that is so, but that is favoritism, and the grandchildren know it. Is that the legacy that the grandparents want to leave behind?

I know some grandparents that babysat for one set of grandchildren every single week, all day, on a regular basis, for years. When the other set of grandchildren needed emergency care for a funeral, the grandparent was not available, and had a bridge club meeting or something lame like that. The kids aren't stupid, they know who is ill willed and who is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's parents are in the area. We have hired childcare and have a back up plan for our kids in case plan a does not go through. We don't ask ILs for help unless it's an emergency. However, whenever there has been an emergency they haven't been able to help with the kids because they are too busy watching their other grandkids on a regular basis. The siblings refuse to hire childcare (they have money). They just are too anxious about it, so they keep flying in the ILs We have a plan and we are fine, but are just annoyed that we haven't been able to have help during actual emergencies (e.g. kid in hospital) because siblings can't get it together to hire help. okay, rant over.

I'm curious if your ILs spend time or watch your kids outside of emergencies, i.e. do they have a close relationship with them even though they're not always available to you? I'm the out-of-town sibling in this scenario, and my parents watch my brother's kids full time. I'm sometimes a little jealous and resentful about how much my parents are devoted to my brother (and the money my brother and SIL have saved on childcare, ugh). There have been times where I've wanted my parents to be able to visit last minute and they can't because of their obligation to my nephews. However, I see how it's unhealthy and detrimental to the grandparent/grandkid relationship for my parents to be at my brother/SILs beck and call. And my parents feel their hands are tied because they are doing it for the benefit of my nephews (much longer story here). Overall, I'm thankful that when I DO have my mom and/or dad come into town to watch our kids, it's a fun and special time for all parties involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see any issues with not wanting to hire outside help. We paid ILs until preschool. Never hired a babysitter. I took off work several times for my friend's emergency or when my ILs couldn't do it. If you are comfortable with hiring people then good for you. Accept that not everyone is like you.

in this case, the other family is hoarding the grandparents. i would be angry, too. sure they can do whatever they want to do, just like a parent is allowed to love one child more than the other. doesn't mean the other child is not supposed to have an opinion about it.

OP’s parents are not things. Asking your parents to visit the grandparents is not hoarding.

thanks for your useless pedantic contribution. every sane person gets upset when parental resources are distributed extremely unequally.

No, every sane person doesn't get upset. Why waste your time being upset? It is what it is. Move on.

You win the Pointless Argument Award today, congrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's parents are in the area. We have hired childcare and have a back up plan for our kids in case plan a does not go through. We don't ask ILs for help unless it's an emergency. However, whenever there has been an emergency they haven't been able to help with the kids because they are too busy watching their other grandkids on a regular basis. The siblings refuse to hire childcare (they have money). They just are too anxious about it, so they keep flying in the ILs We have a plan and we are fine, but are just annoyed that we haven't been able to have help during actual emergencies (e.g. kid in hospital) because siblings can't get it together to hire help. okay, rant over.

I'm curious if your ILs spend time or watch your kids outside of emergencies, i.e. do they have a close relationship with them even though they're not always available to you? I'm the out-of-town sibling in this scenario, and my parents watch my brother's kids full time. I'm sometimes a little jealous and resentful about how much my parents are devoted to my brother (and the money my brother and SIL have saved on childcare, ugh). There have been times where I've wanted my parents to be able to visit last minute and they can't because of their obligation to my nephews. However, I see how it's unhealthy and detrimental to the grandparent/grandkid relationship for my parents to be at my brother/SILs beck and call. And my parents feel their hands are tied because they are doing it for the benefit of my nephews (much longer story here). Overall, I'm thankful that when I DO have my mom and/or dad come into town to watch our kids, it's a fun and special time for all parties involved.

Thanks for asking. I had to laugh to mys of a bit. When they are in town, they are rightfully trying to catch up on their social lives so our child is not prioritized. I can see why they are catching up on social lives because they end up spending 3-5 weeks at a time watching two different sets of grandkids. And they’re exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see any issues with not wanting to hire outside help. We paid ILs until preschool. Never hired a babysitter. I took off work several times for my friend's emergency or when my ILs couldn't do it. If you are comfortable with hiring people then good for you. Accept that not everyone is like you.

in this case, the other family is hoarding the grandparents. i would be angry, too. sure they can do whatever they want to do, just like a parent is allowed to love one child more than the other. doesn't mean the other child is not supposed to have an opinion about it.

OP’s parents are not things. Asking your parents to visit the grandparents is not hoarding.

thanks for your useless pedantic contribution. every sane person gets upset when parental resources are distributed extremely unequally.

No, every sane person doesn't get upset. Why waste your time being upset? It is what it is. Move on.

You win the Pointless Argument Award today, congrats.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better you can tell them “Bill and Marge, I just wanted to let you know that we’re not listing you as emergency contacts for any of Billy’s schools or camps. Since you’re often away with Susie’s kids, we think it’s just best to put someone who is reliably available to us. I just don’t want you to be upset if you were to find out through someone else. But I hope you understand that we just need to be sure we have reliable emergency help should we need it.”