Why Don’t you Cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes one unlikely to cheat is the character trait called integrity. You either have it or you don't. No need to qualify or explain it.

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Until you have lived in a celibate marriage for, oh, let's say 5+ years, don't go casting stones. Sexual starvation can make.people.do things they never thought they would do.

Happened to my friend her H was ill for 10 years, she chose not to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Celibacy is not a character trait.

If this happens and you don't like it, there is a remedy available called divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes one unlikely to cheat is the character trait called integrity. You either have it or you don't. No need to qualify or explain it.

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Until you have lived in a celibate marriage for, oh, let's say 5+ years, don't go casting stones. Sexual starvation can make.people.do things they never thought they would do.

Happened to my friend her H was ill for 10 years, she chose not to cheat.

An illness is an extenuating circumstance. Before he was ill, how was their sex life?

[Anonymous]

Because, as another poster noted as being essential to not cheating, I have integrity.

However, I will add that I am the type of person - always have been - who gets attracted to other men relatively frequently. Let's say 2-3 times a year I have a spark with someone and experience a strong attraction.

Fortunately, I know myself, and I know that these are fleeting attractions. So it's not so hard to squelch these things and keep them 100% to myself.

Often I use them to spice up my sex life with my husband, someone who I am not only physically attracted to but who I consciously chose to build and nurture a life with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Celibacy is not a character trait.

If this happens and you don't like it, there is a remedy available called divorce.

It’s not cheating if you declare your sexless marriage to be Open. This too is a valid remedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes one unlikely to cheat is the character trait called integrity. You either have it or you don't. No need to qualify or explain it.

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Until you have lived in a celibate marriage for, oh, let's say 5+ years, don't go casting stones. Sexual starvation can make.people.do things they never thought they would do.

Happened to my friend her H was ill for 10 years, she chose not to cheat.

An illness is an extenuating circumstance. Before he was ill, how was their sex life?

There are tons of "extenuating circumstances" in this world.

Commitment, integrity, etc don't rank circumstances.

If your unhappy divorce, nobody is asking you to stay married.... if you don't want to be faithful get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Celibacy is not a character trait.

If this happens and you don't like it, there is a remedy available called divorce.

It’s not cheating if you declare your sexless marriage to be Open. This too is a valid remedy.

Open relationships is not cheating. Their honest and have their own set of rules/commitments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Celibacy is not a character trait.

If this happens and you don't like it, there is a remedy available called divorce.

It’s not cheating if you declare your sexless marriage to be Open. This too is a valid remedy.

Open relationships is not cheating. Their honest and have their own set of rules/commitments.

Disagree. Monogamy is not just for the people in the relationship

[Anonymous]

About six months ago my DH and I had a discussion about cheating while driving home from a movie....about cheating. He's very successful and attractive thus he's like catnip. I know he's never cheated and I asked him why not and he said "because you've never given me a reason to cheat". That pretty much ended the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes one unlikely to cheat is the character trait called integrity. You either have it or you don't. No need to qualify or explain it.

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Until you have lived in a celibate marriage for, oh, let's say 5+ years, don't go casting stones. Sexual starvation can make.people.do things they never thought they would do.

Then you have a choice to make. But, for a person of integrity, that choice doesn't involve lying and cheating. It involves the difficult work of honesty and making hard choices - talk about the lack of sex and make an effort to repair it, ask for an open marriage or ask for a divorce.

I was celibate for over a year, after I found out my DH was cheating and while I was trying to see if the relationship could be salvaged. After we split up permanently, I was celibate for an additional period of time because I wanted to focus on myself and my children and I didn't want to have to meet the needs of anyone else. I was celibate for longer than 5 years. I love sex and was sorry to see it go for awhile but it was really the best thing to create a life that would ultimately be healthier.

I had enough self-respect to end the relationship rather than cheat and lie and manipulate my now exH.

Sex is an important component of a relationship, but lack of sex isn't enough to make me sacrifice my own dignity and ethics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes one unlikely to cheat is the character trait called integrity. You either have it or you don't. No need to qualify or explain it.

Uh huh. And what happens if you have the character trait called integrity and your spouse hands you one called celibacy? And never takes it back?

Until you have lived in a celibate marriage for, oh, let's say 5+ years, don't go casting stones. Sexual starvation can make.people.do things they never thought they would do.

Then you have a choice to make. But, for a person of integrity, that choice doesn't involve lying and cheating. It involves the difficult work of honesty and making hard choices - talk about the lack of sex and make an effort to repair it, ask for an open marriage or ask for a divorce.

I was celibate for over a year, after I found out my DH was cheating and while I was trying to see if the relationship could be salvaged. After we split up permanently, I was celibate for an additional period of time because I wanted to focus on myself and my children and I didn't want to have to meet the needs of anyone else. I was celibate for longer than 5 years. I love sex and was sorry to see it go for awhile but it was really the best thing to create a life that would ultimately be healthier.

I had enough self-respect to end the relationship rather than cheat and lie and manipulate my now exH.

Sex is an important component of a relationship, but lack of sex isn't enough to make me sacrifice my own dignity and ethics.

In a sexless marriage, the normal libido partner does not need to "ask" for an Open marriage, any more than the rejecting partner "asked" to make the marriage sexless. If a low libido spouse can unilaterally "declare" a marriage to be sexless, the other spouse can likewise declare it Open.

[Anonymous]

Because I need her to give me a clearer signal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About six months ago my DH and I had a discussion about cheating while driving home from a movie....about cheating. He's very successful and attractive thus he's like catnip. I know he's never cheated and I asked him why not and he said "because you've never given me a reason to cheat". That pretty much ended the conversation.

Have you cheated?

[Anonymous]

So, by and large, people don't cheat when they lack opportunities, aren't horny, or are attracted to and satisfied by their partners...and then they claim it's their integrity.

[Anonymous]

Because I have no desire to. My husband satisfies me. How much more experience do I need? I have been there, done that, have an extensive and quite interesting sexual history, and I am happy with monogamy for once in my life.