Is it Better to Marry in your 20s or 30s

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I agree that we are fortunate, but probably not in the way you are saying. People say we are "fortunate" for meeting each other early, but (like PP) I think a lot of people meet the love of their life at a young age. I think we are fortunate for being perceptive enough to recognize what we had in front of us, and to both be crazy enough to set out on a life-long adventure together.

I am a Millennial (32) and think the whole "you do you!" culture that discourages both men and women to commit early, even when they're sure, is fairly toxic. It leaves women my age are making concessions that they never thought they'd make in order to get married and have kids.[/quote]

“Meeting the love of your life at a young age”: that’s hormones plus not being the cranky older person you later become.

Concessions: yeah, you have to concede that you can only choose from actual people, who might be short or have a few bad habits, rather than Brad Pitt riding up on a unicorn. And my understanding is that early marriages have high divorce rates. You know, because people at 20 are a still a tad more immature than they are at 30.[/quote]

You sound bitter. [/quote]

Disappointed in the number of older women who’d rather die alone than give up waiting for the One to knock on their door. But thanks for not addressing my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've met a lot of 30 somethings who are still unmarried and mourning that man or woman they dated at 20-24. I've heard people say pretty often that she was the one, they just didn't know it and weren't ready yet to settle down then.

I met DH at 20 which we both thought was too young, but we were too perfectly matched to ever break up. We got engaged at 24, married at 25 and had SO many people (who didn't really know us, just knew our age) counsel us that we were too young. We sowed our wild oats in our 30s, saved money together, bought houses together, paid for each others grad schools, supported each other and traveled the world. We had kids in our 30s. DH and I are a matched pair and are still madly in love. I have no doubt that our strong finances are due to saving together and having joint finances in our 20s while everyone else had studios they struggled to pay for on one salary.

Rose colored glasses PP. I think what you describe is rare and I think meeting someone you are marriage compatible with so early is very very fortunate. Its fine that you were so fortunate. People didn't discourage you because they hate high school romances, they discouraged you because they'd seen young relationships break up in ugly ways when the couple got older.

If I was unmarried at 35 I would probably be waxing philosophically about some ex boyfriend that would have worked too. Doesn't mean that relationship WOULD have worked. I don't know anyone that dumped an SO just because they weren't ready. I know it happens but I think most relationships end because they were supposed to end.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I agree that we are fortunate, but probably not in the way you are saying. People say we are "fortunate" for meeting each other early, but (like PP) I think a lot of people meet the love of their life at a young age. I think we are fortunate for being perceptive enough to recognize what we had in front of us, and to both be crazy enough to set out on a life-long adventure together.

I am a Millennial (32) and think the whole "you do you!" culture that discourages both men and women to commit early, even when they're sure, is fairly toxic. It leaves women my age are making concessions that they never thought they'd make in order to get married and have kids.[/quote]

“Meeting the love of your life at a young age”: that’s hormones plus not being the cranky older person you later become.

Concessions: yeah, you have to concede that you can only choose from actual people, who might be short or have a few bad habits, rather than Brad Pitt riding up on a unicorn. And my understanding is that early marriages have high divorce rates. You know, because people at 20 are a still a tad more immature than they are at 30.[/quote]

You sound bitter. [/quote]

Disappointed in the number of older women who’d rather die alone than give up waiting for the One to knock on their door. But thanks for not addressing my point. [/quote]

Its as much education and wealth as it is age.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/27/divorce-linked-to-age-education

[Anonymous]

I do not think ANYONE should marry before 30. I married just shy of 32 (I am a woman). I would not do it again at all--ever. I think it is a completely outdated institution. I did not think this before marriage. Man, do I think it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not think ANYONE should marry before 30. I married just shy of 32 (I am a woman). I would not do it again at all--ever. I think it is a completely outdated institution. I did not think this before marriage. Man, do I think it now.

I’m sorry you chose poorly. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is no correct answer to this, and much of your happiness is really due to your MINDSET and not your situation or partner in life.

Yeah cause your mindset will fix the ticking baby clock idiot.

How did so many of the r/redpill and r/incel types end up on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

The institutional value of marriage is primarily building wealth (assuming the whole is greater than two parts) and breeding generations to squander it all.

There is also deep personal religious value for those who believe.

But for those who do not, in 2018, you can certainly make the argument for the benefits of having a lifetime commitment without a marriage.

Oprah and Stedman come to mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not think ANYONE should marry before 30. I married just shy of 32 (I am a woman). I would not do it again at all--ever. I think it is a completely outdated institution. I did not think this before marriage. Man, do I think it now.

I’m sorry you chose poorly. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way.

I did not choose poorly. Everyone things are lives are perfect. I just don't like being married. I am an introvert and value my free time. I am not a family person. I find it exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not think ANYONE should marry before 30. I married just shy of 32 (I am a woman). I would not do it again at all--ever. I think it is a completely outdated institution. I did not think this before marriage. Man, do I think it now.

I’m sorry you chose poorly. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way.

I did not choose poorly. Everyone things are lives are perfect. I just don't like being married. I am an introvert and value my free time. I am not a family person. I find it exhausting.

I know married people who rarely see extended family and have plenty of free time. I think this is more about the dynamic in your particular relationship.

[Anonymous]

If you want children, I think it's nice to have at least 2-3 years of kid free married life so I guess late twenties/early thirties is ideal from my perspective. As we all know, life doesn't always turn out as planned so much of it is just trying to make the best of the circumstances you are in.

[Anonymous]

Its as much education and wealth as it is age.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/...ivorce-linked-to-age-education

Yeah, there is contempt for any man - or woman! - less accomplished than they are. Only yesterday some woman on here was sneering at nurses; apparently they only marry homeless people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not think ANYONE should marry before 30. I married just shy of 32 (I am a woman). I would not do it again at all--ever. I think it is a completely outdated institution. I did not think this before marriage. Man, do I think it now.

I’m sorry you chose poorly. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way.

I did not choose poorly. Everyone things are lives are perfect. I just don't like being married. I am an introvert and value my free time. I am not a family person. I find it exhausting.

I know married people who rarely see extended family and have plenty of free time. I think this is more about the dynamic in your particular relationship.

I'm not PP, nor do I dislike being married, but I understand what she means. As an introvert, it's often an effort to come home and socialize with my husband and very young children. I adore them but most days I just want to shut the world off, talk to no one, curl up with a book. It feels exhausting just to have to hold up a conversation. But I am a wife and a parent and part of a family, and while my husband is great at giving me breaks, it's just not realistic on a daily basis. So I push through it and overall I am happy. But I can see how it could have gone the other way too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married my college boyfriend and we know at least 8 other couples from our college who did the same. Some married within a year of graduation (like us), others waited 3-5 years but were still together that whole time, so not sowing any oats so to speak. Regardless, we’ve all been couples 15+ years and we are all still really happy.

Obviously this is anecdotal, as is the entire thread.

+1, male married college girlfriend, no oats, totally happy.

The best ones get locked down fast and taken off the market early IMO

It's funny - one of my best male friends told me that in our 20s, when he was about to get married and I was nowhere near doing it. 15 years later he's divorced and miserable, and I am happily married to the guy I met in my mid-30s. I feel for him, being so unhappy now - but, ya know, I've never forgotten him saying that to me either.

^ sorry, make that 20 years later. I forgot how old we are now. Damn, we are old.

He may be divorced 15 years later but you could be too. You are just a newlywed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married my college boyfriend and we know at least 8 other couples from our college who did the same. Some married within a year of graduation (like us), others waited 3-5 years but were still together that whole time, so not sowing any oats so to speak. Regardless, we’ve all been couples 15+ years and we are all still really happy.

Obviously this is anecdotal, as is the entire thread.

+1, male married college girlfriend, no oats, totally happy.

The best ones get locked down fast and taken off the market early IMO

It's funny - one of my best male friends told me that in our 20s, when he was about to get married and I was nowhere near doing it. 15 years later he's divorced and miserable, and I am happily married to the guy I met in my mid-30s. I feel for him, being so unhappy now - but, ya know, I've never forgotten him saying that to me either.

I used to joke in my late twenties that I was going to wait around until they reshuffled the deck in people's 30's. Turns out that's what I did. I'm a very happy second wife. His starter wife? Never remarried. No kids. Boo hoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not think ANYONE should marry before 30. I married just shy of 32 (I am a woman). I would not do it again at all--ever. I think it is a completely outdated institution. I did not think this before marriage. Man, do I think it now.

I’m sorry you chose poorly. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way.

I did not choose poorly. Everyone things are lives are perfect. I just don't like being married. I am an introvert and value my free time. I am not a family person. I find it exhausting.

You like being on your own, yet you do not think ANYONE should marry before 30. Consider the possibility that not everyone shares your desire for solitude.