What do you consider a tiger Mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not Asian but I want my kids to have common sense, self-sufficiency, and practicality. In addition to working hard, being inclusive and nice, and striving to get good grades/mastery of materials.

If my kids think making pottery all day or theatrics will pay the bills, I hope that’s as a hobby not full time endeavor. If they are in a school that encourages non-productive careers I don’t think we’d enjoy it.

Just an FYI, my cousin has a master's degree in pottery. She has a pottery studio or something and DOES make a living doing pottery and it DOES pay all the bills.

[Anonymous]

You are a tiger mom to say getting perfect grades is easy. I assure you, just passing was not easy, let alone possible for me. I had to go to summer school two summers in a row, I spent HOURS each night crying at the kitchen table with my father trying to teach me math I could not learn, in 11th grade I was taking both 11th grade and 10th grade social studies (the school generously did that so I didn't have to be left back) and barely passed.

I did not break 1000 on my SAT's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a Tiger Parent, just like my white European mother.

I expect and get straight As, even for my child with severe ADHD and a host of learning disabilities. To get him to that point, *we* worked extremely hard together (from speech/physical therapy to learning to write to extra practice in math). He has built extraordinary resilience and work ethic because he has worked his way up.

I expect my kids to be interested in history and current events, love good literature and read voraciously, be fluent in writing and culture in our native tongue, write beautiful cursive, sing and play an instrument well (or study music theory for the one with a motor disability). These things are non-negotiable.

I encourage and nurture whatever else they want to do: for one of them, it's coding, for the other, it's horses and animals in general.

If you aren't exaggerating (which I think you are), I hope you're saving for your kids' therapy/rehab bills. That is an oppressive life to live as a kid.

None of us are getting out of here alive. Live happy.

I'm not exaggerating.
We are happy.

You have to accept that some people like living this way. They are usually the PhD, intellectual type.

I find it amusing that in this country it's more acceptable to push your kid in sports than it is to pursue academic interests. As long as the child is fine with it, and doesn't injure himself or burn out, I think both are perfectly acceptable.

I would actually argue that the obsessive American sports parent and the obsessive Asian American Tiger parent have more in common than they think. They are both living through their children. There are many of us out here who do neither.

+1. Yup. There is a difference between encouraging your kids to do well and having high expectations and expecting them to fit into a certain mold

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit of a Tiger mom. (not Asian.) My daughter is gifted, does well in school and is pretty good at sports so I expect her to do her best. If she gets less than an A on a test, I ask her what happened. I don't punish her or anything. My parents did the same with me - I was a good student, and I worked hard, but things also came more easily to me than to a lot of people. So they expected a lot. I expected a lot of myself too.

Similarly, I expect her to give her all in her activities, but if she has an off day, oh well. Everyone has off days. We talk about what happened and then move on. We stay fairly busy, but when she's with her dad (we're not together), he's more unscheduled so I let them have more unscheduled time together. I'm a natural planner, he is not, and I know she needs some time "off."

If she weren't as bright or as motivated or she had some sort of learning issue, I'd adjust my expectations. I'd still expect her to work hard, but I'd go easier on the results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear this term often on these boards.

I’m Asian-American. DH and I studied hard and ivy educated. We want our kids to also succeed academically. School is always our first priority. I do make them do a little extra math and reading, even on weekends. Older kid is in AAP. Second kid should also get in. Kids play plenty. Kids play sports. They have play dates.

Would I be considered a tiger Mom?

I do expect perfect grades and that is pretty damn easy to do.

How come 'ivy' didn't teach you to write correctly?

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure I would count as a tiger mom, although I'm not Asian and I find the label to be rather silly.

In general, I expect my kids to get all A grades. If they're not getting an A in a subject, that indicates that they're not demonstrating high achievement and strong understanding of that subject, which really isn't okay with me since I believe that the vast majority of subjects taught in school serve as a useful foundation for future study. Consequently, I will talk to my kids about what is going on that's causing them to have a lower grade and what could be done to remedy that. We work together on organization and I will either help them study or get them a tutor. If they're still not getting an A after all of that effort and best attempts at helping them understand, I would accept that as long as they're in the lowest level offered for that subject -- challenging oneself is good, but in my opinion there's little sense in being completely over one's head.

If I have any reason to suspect that the cause of the low grades is more related to lack of effort than to lack of understanding, I do ground the kids from electronics and most social activities to give them more time to focus on the process of improving their academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I think of Tiger Moms, I think of:

- no tolerance for grades less than A on ANYTHNG at any stage of childhood
- choosing your child's main activities/ECs and making sure they excel at them at all costs
- choosing how your child spends every second of their free time, with very little unscheduled "fun"
- choosing your child's college and college major and not allowing anything "frivolous"
- no sense of humor

I don't know how the parent-child relationship survives all this.

As an Asian mom, I would agree that these are typical traits of a tiger mom. I have seen many tiger moms. I am the opposite, a sheep mom

[Anonymous]

A guy in my organic chemistry class in college got a B on an exam and his parents flew into town, met him at the airport, yelled at him for getting a B and threatening his chances of getting into med school, and then got back on an airplane to go home.

Tiger Parents?

[Anonymous]

We were just at the beach for spring break at a wonderful resort with a rather small beach area. There was a family there who clearly seemed to have a tiger mom dynamic. Mom brought flash cards and word search puzzles for her DS. She spent nearly all day every day doing activities with and entertaining him on the beach. The dad was typically checked out reading.

Their child never played with another child, although there were plenty around. Mom seemed to direct his whole experience.

My kids made friends immediately with other kids. We did things together as a family but they also spent time in the pool or ocean with their buddies.

Social skills are so important to success. I don’t think that this mom understands how much she is hampering her son’s growth and confidence by controlling everything. Furthermore, as others have pointed out, it seems that tiger mom parents are often fulfilling their own needs to show off or be needed rather than foster emotional and social skills and independence in their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expecting perfect grades is pretty Tiger Mom.

But to me the question is one of control. What would you do if your child wanted to quit violin and play guitar? If they wanted to do the school play instead of math team? And when the time comes, if they want to become a teacher or a physical therapist instead of an engineer or a doctor? If you are planning on making those choices for them then yes I'd say you're a Tiger Mom.

Theater is a bigger hook than music. Theater also demonstrates the kid is outgoing, which is something tiger moms are cognizant of as they don't want colleges thinking their kid is a quiet nerd controlled by mom.

As far as major, most tiger parents don't care what the kid studies at an elite. The #1 goal is to simply get into the elite. A female tiger cub who goes to Stanford can go ahead and become a teacher...but they'll probably marry some Apple exec or surgeon. And they won't be a normal teacher, they'll become an admin within 10 years who can make $250,000+ leading a district. Or they'll do TFA and then go to law school. Kids who go to elites are competitive and get caught up in chasing status, they don't settle for just being some schmuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I do expect perfect grades and that is pretty damn easy to do.

Indeed it is. 50% of all high school seniors have an A average. All A's should be demanded by parents with healthy above average kids. 4 and 5 score AP exams can be grinded out. SAT is a little trickier, but with enough good prep any healthy kid can get into 90 percentile range which at least gives them a puncher's chance at a top 20 college.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/07/17/easy-a-nearly-half-hs-seniors-graduate-average/485787001/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were just at the beach for spring break at a wonderful resort with a rather small beach area. There was a family there who clearly seemed to have a tiger mom dynamic. Mom brought flash cards and word search puzzles for her DS. She spent nearly all day every day doing activities with and entertaining him on the beach. The dad was typically checked out reading.

Their child never played with another child, although there were plenty around. Mom seemed to direct his whole experience.

My kids made friends immediately with other kids. We did things together as a family but they also spent time in the pool or ocean with their buddies.

Social skills are so important to success. I don’t think that this mom understands how much she is hampering her son’s growth and confidence by controlling everything. Furthermore, as others have pointed out, it seems that tiger mom parents are often fulfilling their own needs to show off or be needed rather than foster emotional and social skills and independence in their children.

I really hate this smug post. You have no idea what this mom is going through. Maybe it is how you think it is or maybe the kids have special needs. Also kids of Tiger Moms are not necessarily socially clumsy nerds. I know plenty who are very social and popular but just have demanding parents.

[Anonymous]

You learn more from your failures than your successes.

That said, lots of colleges do not understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I think of Tiger Moms, I think of:

- no tolerance for grades less than A on ANYTHNG at any stage of childhood
- choosing your child's main activities/ECs and making sure they excel at them at all costs
- choosing how your child spends every second of their free time, with very little unscheduled "fun"
- choosing your child's college and college major and not allowing anything "frivolous"
- no sense of humor

I don't know how the parent-child relationship survives all this.

ok. There is no Tiger Parent who can make all of this happen. I am speaking as a self professed Tiger Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were just at the beach for spring break at a wonderful resort with a rather small beach area. There was a family there who clearly seemed to have a tiger mom dynamic. Mom brought flash cards and word search puzzles for her DS. She spent nearly all day every day doing activities with and entertaining him on the beach. The dad was typically checked out reading.

Their child never played with another child, although there were plenty around. Mom seemed to direct his whole experience.

My kids made friends immediately with other kids. We did things together as a family but they also spent time in the pool or ocean with their buddies.

Social skills are so important to success. I don’t think that this mom understands how much she is hampering her son’s growth and confidence by controlling everything. Furthermore, as others have pointed out, it seems that tiger mom parents are often fulfilling their own needs to show off or be needed rather than foster emotional and social skills and independence in their children.

I really hate this smug post. You have no idea what this mom is going through. Maybe it is how you think it is or maybe the kids have special needs. Also kids of Tiger Moms are not necessarily socially clumsy nerds. I know plenty who are very social and popular but just have demanding parents.

It's really irrelevant whether my assessment is correct or not. I'll never see these people again and I had zero interaction with them. It simply was a situation where I observed behavior that was - to me - consistent with that of a Tiger Mom.

I never labeled the kid as a "socially clumsy nerd" and would never talk about a child that way. I pointed out that helicopter/controlling behavior by a parent can impede the development of a child's social skills and confidence. Over the course of a week, I never saw this child interact with another. I found it a bit sad, as he seemed rather bored, but the mom had him doing something constantly.

Of course Tiger Moms can have social and popular kids. In some cases, climbing the social ladder is a big part of a Tiger Mom's goal. Or kids can be social in spite of their demanding parents. Neither of those scenarios appeared to be the case with this family, but WHO KNOWS?! The mystery will have to end here on DCUM.