What do you consider a tiger Mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a Tiger Parent, just like my white European mother.

I expect and get straight As, even for my child with severe ADHD and a host of learning disabilities. To get him to that point, *we* worked extremely hard together (from speech/physical therapy to learning to write to extra practice in math). He has built extraordinary resilience and work ethic because he has worked his way up.

I expect my kids to be interested in history and current events, love good literature and read voraciously, be fluent in writing and culture in our native tongue, write beautiful cursive, sing and play an instrument well (or study music theory for the one with a motor disability). These things are non-negotiable.

I encourage and nurture whatever else they want to do: for one of them, it's coding, for the other, it's horses and animals in general.

If you aren't exaggerating (which I think you are), I hope you're saving for your kids' therapy/rehab bills. That is an oppressive life to live as a kid.

None of us are getting out of here alive. Live happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expecting perfect grades is pretty Tiger Mom.

But to me the question is one of control. What would you do if your child wanted to quit violin and play guitar? If they wanted to do the school play instead of math team? And when the time comes, if they want to become a teacher or a physical therapist instead of an engineer or a doctor? If you are planning on making those choices for them then yes I'd say you're a Tiger Mom.

I consider myself to be a Tiger Mom. If my child wanted to do any of those things, I would try to discourage it, but if they really wanted to it of course I would accept it. I think of Tiger Moms as moms who do everything reasonable to try to get their child to have a certain outcome, but I think very few would actually be unaccepting of their child, if their ideals didn't pan out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Expecting perfect grades is pretty Tiger Mom.

But to me the question is one of control. What would you do if your child wanted to quit violin and play guitar? If they wanted to do the school play instead of math team? And when the time comes, if they want to become a teacher or a physical therapist instead of an engineer or a doctor? If you are planning on making those choices for them then yes I'd say you're a Tiger Mom.

Your examples aren't that extreme, but if say my child wants to major in something that has little chance of resulting in a job, I'm not necessarily paying for them to get that major. I wouldn't stand in their way though.

If you wouldn't pay for it, then you would be standing in their way.

[Anonymous]

A tiger mom is one who pressures her child to get good grades above everything else. She pressures the child to live her dream and her idea of success regardless of the child's happiness and dreams. A tiger moms ego is wrapped up in the child's grades and awards, while the child's ego suffers under the pressure of ignoring his own desires and dreams. The child imagination and true personality is blunted during childhood and they grow into adults who never find their happiness in life because they grew disconnected from it in childhood. A child of a tiger mom suffers from emotional poverty. A tiger mom and stage mom are in the same genre and are negative terms.

[Anonymous]

Not OP but, recently DD got a C in Math and I grounded her off devices until she got an A or B. Does that make me strict or a tiger mother? I think the Tiger mother wouldn't allow them in the first place; she references no sports or sleepovers in her book. I read two of Amy Chua's books and I wish I could be as committed as her.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between have high expectations on your kids and being a tiger mom. A child of a true tiger mom has a difficult childhood as a result of the pressures and expectations. Often the whole family is depending on the child to become financially successful so that they can later support the family and sponsor citizenship for the parents and other siblings who are her illegally. The child has huge pressure on them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between have high expectations on your kids and being a tiger mom. A child of a true tiger mom has a difficult childhood as a result of the pressures and expectations. Often the whole family is depending on the child to become financially successful so that they can later support the family and sponsor citizenship for the parents and other siblings who are her illegally. The child has huge pressure on them

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you are.

You want perfect grades? That’s what matters? My kid gets very high grades now as a high schooler at a challenging school (not perfect) but I never said anything to her over the years - it comes from her. Having your own self motivations and achievements is a powerful thing that helps you throughout your life. Why do you want to hamper your kids by having them believe that it’s not their own talents and motivations that get them where they are but mommy and daddy’s? If you are both highly educated they have the tools already - let them figure out who they are for themselves.

You have them do math and English on the weekends? Is the school education not sufficient? You might consider doing more interesting in depth things as a family instead - challenge games, building challenges, art projects, service projects as a family?

It’s hard to turn this stuff off once you start. We have friends who had a very bright kid that they over regulated and they wouldn’t even let him go things like a high school dance for fear of his grades dropping? What was good about that? That’s just crazy.

I’d lay off the ‘perfect grades’ mantra unless your kid starts getting C’s. Otherwise - yes, you’re pretty over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but, recently DD got a C in Math and I grounded her off devices until she got an A or B. Does that make me strict or a tiger mother? I think the Tiger mother wouldn't allow them in the first place; she references no sports or sleepovers in her book. I read two of Amy Chua's books and I wish I could be as committed as her.

What grade?

[Anonymous]

I don't expect perfect grades but nearly perfect effort. I hope that they will excel at their chosen professions. If you go into thievery please strive to be a master thief, I tell them. I also hope that raising them in three languages will give them greater opportunities.

[Anonymous]

As a well rounded C student in HS and college and most of grad school I can say no body cares about your grades when you are 40. In fact majority of management I work with SVP, EVP, CEO we're free spirits.

Look at Goldman Sachs tons of A plus Harvard students. New CEO announced this week is just some guy from New Jersey who is also a techno DJ at night clubs in spare time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a Tiger Parent, just like my white European mother.

I expect and get straight As, even for my child with severe ADHD and a host of learning disabilities. To get him to that point, *we* worked extremely hard together (from speech/physical therapy to learning to write to extra practice in math). He has built extraordinary resilience and work ethic because he has worked his way up.

I expect my kids to be interested in history and current events, love good literature and read voraciously, be fluent in writing and culture in our native tongue, write beautiful cursive, sing and play an instrument well (or study music theory for the one with a motor disability). These things are non-negotiable.

I encourage and nurture whatever else they want to do: for one of them, it's coding, for the other, it's horses and animals in general.

If you aren't exaggerating (which I think you are), I hope you're saving for your kids' therapy/rehab bills. That is an oppressive life to live as a kid.

None of us are getting out of here alive. Live happy.

I'm not exaggerating.
We are happy.

You have to accept that some people like living this way. They are usually the PhD, intellectual type.

I find it amusing that in this country it's more acceptable to push your kid in sports than it is to pursue academic interests. As long as the child is fine with it, and doesn't injure himself or burn out, I think both are perfectly acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a Tiger Parent, just like my white European mother.

I expect and get straight As, even for my child with severe ADHD and a host of learning disabilities. To get him to that point, *we* worked extremely hard together (from speech/physical therapy to learning to write to extra practice in math). He has built extraordinary resilience and work ethic because he has worked his way up.

I expect my kids to be interested in history and current events, love good literature and read voraciously, be fluent in writing and culture in our native tongue, write beautiful cursive, sing and play an instrument well (or study music theory for the one with a motor disability). These things are non-negotiable.

I encourage and nurture whatever else they want to do: for one of them, it's coding, for the other, it's horses and animals in general.

If you aren't exaggerating (which I think you are), I hope you're saving for your kids' therapy/rehab bills. That is an oppressive life to live as a kid.

None of us are getting out of here alive. Live happy.

I'm not exaggerating.
We are happy.

You have to accept that some people like living this way. They are usually the PhD, intellectual type.

I find it amusing that in this country it's more acceptable to push your kid in sports than it is to pursue academic interests. As long as the child is fine with it, and doesn't injure himself or burn out, I think both are perfectly acceptable.

You can make your kids do stuff. But you can't make your kids feel stuff. For example, you can make your kids read certain books. You can't make your kids love "good literature" (however defined) and be voracious readers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a well rounded C student in HS and college and most of grad school I can say no body cares about your grades when you are 40. In fact majority of management I work with SVP, EVP, CEO we're free spirits.

Look at Goldman Sachs tons of A plus Harvard students. New CEO announced this week is just some guy from New Jersey who is also a techno DJ at night clubs in spare time.

He has no history with the company?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a Tiger Parent, just like my white European mother.

I expect and get straight As, even for my child with severe ADHD and a host of learning disabilities. To get him to that point, *we* worked extremely hard together (from speech/physical therapy to learning to write to extra practice in math). He has built extraordinary resilience and work ethic because he has worked his way up.

I expect my kids to be interested in history and current events, love good literature and read voraciously, be fluent in writing and culture in our native tongue, write beautiful cursive, sing and play an instrument well (or study music theory for the one with a motor disability). These things are non-negotiable.

I encourage and nurture whatever else they want to do: for one of them, it's coding, for the other, it's horses and animals in general.

If you aren't exaggerating (which I think you are), I hope you're saving for your kids' therapy/rehab bills. That is an oppressive life to live as a kid.

None of us are getting out of here alive. Live happy.

I'm not exaggerating.
We are happy.

You have to accept that some people like living this way. They are usually the PhD, intellectual type.

I find it amusing that in this country it's more acceptable to push your kid in sports than it is to pursue academic interests. As long as the child is fine with it, and doesn't injure himself or burn out, I think both are perfectly acceptable.

I would actually argue that the obsessive American sports parent and the obsessive Asian American Tiger parent have more in common than they think. They are both living through their children. There are many of us out here who do neither.