Social issues at base school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady, you seriously need help. Get off the wonder analogies and stop trying to label and find fault with othe kids.

Why? It's a popular movie. Teenage depression is also a serious current issue. Why not discuss it in light of this comment? It's a similar scenario. Auggie had to eat lunch by himself till two kids had the courage to come over to him and befriended him. Plenty of kids noticed him earlier but were indifferent for months.

I asked the mom what she would do instead for OP's child. What might make her child notice someone who needs a friend and what might make her DD actually act verses being indifferent. She hasn't answered with any suggestions.

First she said her child wouldn't notice someone sitting alone. Then she or another PP said that even if they did notice someone sitting alone and needing a friend, it was too much to ask a 12 or 13 year old to be anything more than indifferent because children are immature, kids are busy, and some adults are also indifferent. Wonder is a very good analogy for discussing social interactions in middle school with kids who don't have a lot of friends and eat alone. OP could write more about her child to get specifics on her particular situation that might better help, but it doesn't take away from the fact that Wonder is still a good analogy for this situation.

Do you agree with PP that 12 and 13 year olds can babysit, be counselors in training, spend hours on social media, get pregnant, and loads of other things, but can't have enough empathy at 13 to strike up a conversation with someone they know needs a friend because they are too busy with other things? That makes no sense.

New poster.

The kid in Wonder had significant deformities. He stood out. He was impossible to miss or overlook because he was very unique and looked different from every other person in the building and the neighborhood.

OP has not mentioned any visible deformities on her daughter. She sounds like a regular kid.

A regular kid is nondescript. They are one of the crowd, another regular kid in a hoodie and sneakers. If they are quiet or introverted, they might blend in more.

A kid who looks like the kid in Wonder is immediately noticeable.

Are regular kid sitting outside in a middle school hallway during lunch is not noticeable, even less so if they sit there every day.

[Anonymous]

Wonder poster. Agreed, however there are enough books about middle school angst and labels that talk about nondescript loner children being noticed by others in a good and bad way. Do you want other book, real life, and movie references to prove this? I think you know that this is true. I believe kids have the capacity to be kind to others. I don't know why their capacity is being questioned. It makes no sense that someone would question the ability for a child of this age to empathize. They aren't in preschool learning how to share the blocks. I also think kids have the capacity to notice other peers in detail even when kids may look non descriptive which is why social behavior among peers at this age is such a big emphasis.

Do you have a suggestion for OP? What scenario would make your child be kind and welcoming to this child?

[Anonymous]

You are really hijacking this thread Wonder peeson in a non helpful way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are really hijacking this thread Wonder peeson in a non helpful way.

This x1,000. I guess the answer she wants is:

All teens lack empathy or are indifferent except hers for the most part.
Wonder can be applied as an analogy to many, many scenerios, ad nauseum.
It is okay to take facts from an original post, twist them, and then harp and harp and harp on the new, assumed and twisted facts.
She is not annoying or offputting at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are really hijacking this thread Wonder peeson in a non helpful way.

OP has not commented on me, so why should I care what your opinion is when you admit your children would do nothing? I've always brought my comments back to OP. See below? That question continues to be unanswered post after post where you say that you think children are by nature indifferent. If you don't have an answer to that, you are also being unhelpful in addition to showing that your child would do nothing.

"Do you have a suggestion for OP? What scenario would make your child be kind and welcoming to this child?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are really hijacking this thread Wonder peeson in a non helpful way.

OP has not commented on me, so why should I care what your opinion is when you admit your children would do nothing? I've always brought my comments back to OP. See below? That question continues to be unanswered post after post where you say that you think children are by nature indifferent. If you don't have an answer to that, you are also being unhelpful in addition to showing that your child would do nothing.

"Do you have a suggestion for OP? What scenario would make your child be kind and welcoming to this child?"

Fiest, there are many, many responders all telling you the same thing. You seem to assume, incorrectly, that it’s one person. Second, actually most responses are responding to the OP. Her whole comment was that based on her kid eating alone in the hallway and not having lots of friends, Looking back now, if she had to “do over again, I would have definitely sent DD to the AAP center in middle school for both social and academic reasons.” Most responders are explaining that a kid with few connections 3/4 the way they middle school likely has these issues within herself and not because she chose one school over the other 1.75 years ago. YOU are then changing the scenario cracking about fictional kids with facial deformities, kids eating alone in the CAFETERIA, kids are absolutely knowingly ignoring her in the hallway, etc. the OP wasn’t asking you to crusade on her behalf to fix all the wrongs you’re incorrectly finding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are really hijacking this thread Wonder peeson in a non helpful way.

OP has not commented on me, so why should I care what your opinion is when you admit your children would do nothing? I've always brought my comments back to OP. See below? That question continues to be unanswered post after post where you say that you think children are by nature indifferent. If you don't have an answer to that, you are also being unhelpful in addition to showing that your child would do nothing.

"Do you have a suggestion for OP? What scenario would make your child be kind and welcoming to this child?"

Fiest, there are many, many responders all telling you the same thing. You seem to assume, incorrectly, that it’s one person. Second, actually most responses are responding to the OP. Her whole comment was that based on her kid eating alone in the hallway and not having lots of friends, Looking back now, if she had to “do over again, I would have definitely sent DD to the AAP center in middle school for both social and academic reasons.” Most responders are explaining that a kid with few connections 3/4 the way they middle school likely has these issues within herself and not because she chose one school over the other 1.75 years ago. YOU are then changing the scenario cracking about fictional kids with facial deformities, kids eating alone in the CAFETERIA, kids are absolutely knowingly ignoring her in the hallway, etc. the OP wasn’t asking you to crusade on her behalf to fix all the wrongs you’re incorrectly finding.

While I agree OP's child likely has issues within herself, my first comment was that it was disappointing that no one during all those years has tried to befriend her during any part of the school day. Then another PP turned that around to talk about the cafeteria and how no one would notice her and how kids by nature are indifferent to others needs. I kept bringing it back to the entire school day, but she persisted with the cafeteria not being noticeable so I had to address her comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are really hijacking this thread Wonder peeson in a non helpful way.

OP has not commented on me, so why should I care what your opinion is when you admit your children would do nothing? I've always brought my comments back to OP. See below? That question continues to be unanswered post after post where you say that you think children are by nature indifferent. If you don't have an answer to that, you are also being unhelpful in addition to showing that your child would do nothing.

"Do you have a suggestion for OP? What scenario would make your child be kind and welcoming to this child?"

Fiest, there are many, many responders all telling you the same thing. You seem to assume, incorrectly, that it’s one person. Second, actually most responses are responding to the OP. Her whole comment was that based on her kid eating alone in the hallway and not having lots of friends, Looking back now, if she had to “do over again, I would have definitely sent DD to the AAP center in middle school for both social and academic reasons.” Most responders are explaining that a kid with few connections 3/4 the way they middle school likely has these issues within herself and not because she chose one school over the other 1.75 years ago. YOU are then changing the scenario cracking about fictional kids with facial deformities, kids eating alone in the CAFETERIA, kids are absolutely knowingly ignoring her in the hallway, etc. the OP wasn’t asking you to crusade on her behalf to fix all the wrongs you’re incorrectly finding.

While I agree OP's child likely has issues within herself, my first comment was that it was disappointing that no one during all those years has tried to befriend her during any part of the school day. Then another PP turned that around to talk about the cafeteria and how no one would notice her and how kids by nature are indifferent to others needs. I kept bringing it back to the entire school day, but she persisted with the cafeteria not being noticeable so I had to address her comment.

You have no idea if this is true. Perhaps the kid is depressed and rejects advances of others. Perhaps others were kind and she didn't realize it. Perhaps she has hurt others and they had enough. STOP ASSUMING the worst in people.

[Anonymous]

Fiest, there are many, many responders all telling you the same thing. You seem to assume, incorrectly, that it’s one person. Second, actually most responses are responding to the OP. Her whole comment was that based on her kid eating alone in the hallway and not having lots of friends, Looking back now, if she had to “do over again, I would have definitely sent DD to the AAP center in middle school for both social and academic reasons.” Most responders are explaining that a kid with few connections 3/4 the way they middle school likely has these issues within herself and not because she chose one school over the other 1.75 years ago. YOU are then changing the scenario cracking about fictional kids with facial deformities, kids eating alone in the CAFETERIA, kids are absolutely knowingly ignoring her in the hallway, etc. the OP wasn’t asking you to crusade on her behalf to fix all the wrongs you’re incorrectly finding.

While I agree OP's child likely has issues within herself, my first comment was that it was disappointing that no one during all those years has tried to befriend her during any part of the school day. Then another PP turned that around to talk about the cafeteria and how no one would notice her and how kids by nature are indifferent to others needs. I kept bringing it back to the entire school day, but she persisted with the cafeteria not being noticeable so I had to address her comment.

You have no idea if this is true. Perhaps the kid is depressed and rejects advances of others. Perhaps others were kind and she didn't realize it. Perhaps she has hurt others and they had enough. STOP ASSUMING the worst in people.

It's very possible that these things did happen. However, OP didn't mention them other than the possible depression and that likely could have happened after the rejection and indifference which is the more likely scenario. So I have no reason to think she had friends and then lost them. It wasn't mentioned. Acceptance is a basic human need and without it, problems arise for the child not accepted which can also affect the entire school in turn. OP also mentioned that she thought a center might have more kids who would have befriended her child, so that led me to think that the kids at this middle school didn't have as much in common or try to be as friendly as they might be at a different school. That's how I interpreted the scenario. I agree that OP's child is probably the cause of some of this behavior towards her, but I'm also aware of middle school social dynamics and based on OP's post, I also believe that there were kids who could have been friendlier over these years and chose to be indifferent. That's my opinion and you can choose to disagree, but if you are going to post, it might be helpful to actually give advice. The PP's who gave me put downs weren't really making anyone including me assume the better in people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Fiest, there are many, many responders all telling you the same thing. You seem to assume, incorrectly, that it’s one person. Second, actually most responses are responding to the OP. Her whole comment was that based on her kid eating alone in the hallway and not having lots of friends, Looking back now, if she had to “do over again, I would have definitely sent DD to the AAP center in middle school for both social and academic reasons.” Most responders are explaining that a kid with few connections 3/4 the way they middle school likely has these issues within herself and not because she chose one school over the other 1.75 years ago. YOU are then changing the scenario cracking about fictional kids with facial deformities, kids eating alone in the CAFETERIA, kids are absolutely knowingly ignoring her in the hallway, etc. the OP wasn’t asking you to crusade on her behalf to fix all the wrongs you’re incorrectly finding.

While I agree OP's child likely has issues within herself, my first comment was that it was disappointing that no one during all those years has tried to befriend her during any part of the school day. Then another PP turned that around to talk about the cafeteria and how no one would notice her and how kids by nature are indifferent to others needs. I kept bringing it back to the entire school day, but she persisted with the cafeteria not being noticeable so I had to address her comment.

You have no idea if this is true. Perhaps the kid is depressed and rejects advances of others. Perhaps others were kind and she didn't realize it. Perhaps she has hurt others and they had enough. STOP ASSUMING the worst in people.

It's very possible that these things did happen. However, OP didn't mention them other than the possible depression and that likely could have happened after the rejection and indifference which is the more likely scenario. So I have no reason to think she had friends and then lost them. It wasn't mentioned. Acceptance is a basic human need and without it, problems arise for the child not accepted which can also affect the entire school in turn. OP also mentioned that she thought a center might have more kids who would have befriended her child, so that led me to think that the kids at this middle school didn't have as much in common or try to be as friendly as they might be at a different school. That's how I interpreted the scenario. I agree that OP's child is probably the cause of some of this behavior towards her, but I'm also aware of middle school social dynamics and based on OP's post, I also believe that there were kids who could have been friendlier over these years and chose to be indifferent. That's my opinion and you can choose to disagree, but if you are going to post, it might be helpful to actually give advice. The PP's who gave me put downs weren't really making anyone including me assume the better in people.

These aren’t opinions. These are assumptions. Just. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Fine. They are the same assumptions as OP though. Now I can leave and you can get back your great suggestions for OP... Oh wait. you have none.

[Anonymous]

So this person has turned OPs thread into a several page thread arguing about Wonder...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fine. They are the same assumptions as OP though. Now I can leave and you can get back your great suggestions for OP... Oh wait. you have none.

Please quote OP where she asked for suggestions. Oh wait - she didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Omg. This is stupid.