Will my SA mother in law be offended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disrespectful? Offended? Some people seriously need to get a grip.

It's disrespectful to use an item of clothing that someone gifted you as a rug in the dog's kennel. Or as a rag for your DH to wipe his hands with when he's doing vehicle maintenance. Or to throw it straight in the trash instead of giving it away to someone who would appreciate and take pleasure in using it.

Hanging up something as wall art in a clearly positive manner (not as a joke) because it's beautiful and makes you feel good to look at it and remember who gave it to you is not disrespectful. If anyone is seriously offended by that, then they're going to be offended by anything. And personally, I don't want people like that in my life.

Are you Souh Asian? If not, please sit down.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In Japan, kimonos are often hung on walls as decorations.

I don't see this would be offensive, on the contrary. It shows you like it enough to show it off as a piece of art!

Japan is not South Asia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Indian mother would be very offended if I did something like this. I never wear the heavy wedding silk saris that my parents gave me and wanted to turn them into decorative quilts. It took a while to calm my mom down.
Your MIL might be different but I would err on the side of caution and take it down during her visit. It's a small gesture on your part and there is no need to invite trouble.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

So she's supposed to just keep it wrapped in a box forever? And then lug it around from place to place when she moves? What if she doesn't like baggage? What if she's not the type to keep her wedding dress and every other single thing that anyone ever gave her throughout her life? It's very disrespectful giving someone a "gift" and then putting restrictions on what they can do with it. Especially when those restrictions mean "keep it wrapped in a box forever".

Just curious, are you suggesting that the best thing would have been to just give it back, and say that she is aware that it's expensive (if it was, otherwise I guess that would be awkward), say that she's not the type to just keep things in a box forever, and she doesn't want to cause offense so she'd rather her MIL take it back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

So she's supposed to just keep it wrapped in a box forever? And then lug it around from place to place when she moves? What if she doesn't like baggage? What if she's not the type to keep her wedding dress and every other single thing that anyone ever gave her throughout her life? It's very disrespectful giving someone a "gift" and then putting restrictions on what they can do with it. Especially when those restrictions mean "keep it wrapped in a box forever".

Just curious, are you suggesting that the best thing would have been to just give it back, and say that she is aware that it's expensive (if it was, otherwise I guess that would be awkward), say that she's not the type to just keep things in a box forever, and she doesn't want to cause offense so she'd rather her MIL take it back?

Lady, you really need to sit down. No one said keep it in a box forever, everyone is saying to take it down while she's there.

You are the type that just likes to stir up shit for attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is Indian. I am using a pink saree my MIL gave me as wall art. It's looks very similar to the picture in the link I have attached. MIL is visiting soon. My husband has no idea if it will offend her.

https://www.brownstoner.com/real-estate-market/the-insider-uber-stylish-townhouse-in-prospect-heights/?accordion=the-insider

Um, why is the twelve year old child dressed like that?

She is 12?!?

NP. I'm more curious what the man found in that... woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

So she's supposed to just keep it wrapped in a box forever? And then lug it around from place to place when she moves? What if she doesn't like baggage? What if she's not the type to keep her wedding dress and every other single thing that anyone ever gave her throughout her life? It's very disrespectful giving someone a "gift" and then putting restrictions on what they can do with it. Especially when those restrictions mean "keep it wrapped in a box forever".

Just curious, are you suggesting that the best thing would have been to just give it back, and say that she is aware that it's expensive (if it was, otherwise I guess that would be awkward), say that she's not the type to just keep things in a box forever, and she doesn't want to cause offense so she'd rather her MIL take it back?

Have you literally never had to deal with a gift from an IL or older family member that you don't like? It probably weighs like 3 pounds max and can be folded into the size of a bulky sweater. I have so much more crap than that my MIL has given me that I keep around to make her happy.

[Anonymous]

All I had to do was read the thread title to know that the answer is “yes” (I have a SA MIL). After reading the whole thread, you have such an easy solution — take it down while she is visiting — that I can’t understand why you’re still pushing back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

So she's supposed to just keep it wrapped in a box forever? And then lug it around from place to place when she moves? What if she doesn't like baggage? What if she's not the type to keep her wedding dress and every other single thing that anyone ever gave her throughout her life? It's very disrespectful giving someone a "gift" and then putting restrictions on what they can do with it. Especially when those restrictions mean "keep it wrapped in a box forever".

Just curious, are you suggesting that the best thing would have been to just give it back, and say that she is aware that it's expensive (if it was, otherwise I guess that would be awkward), say that she's not the type to just keep things in a box forever, and she doesn't want to cause offense so she'd rather her MIL take it back?

Have you literally never had to deal with a gift from an IL or older family member that you don't like? It probably weighs like 3 pounds max and can be folded into the size of a bulky sweater. I have so much more crap than that my MIL has given me that I keep around to make her happy.

Obviously, it's annoying but it's a small thing to do for the MIL who is visiting. OP can put it back up after the MIL leaves. It's like when your grandmother gives you a sweater that you don't like but you wear it over the holidays to make her happy and you never wear it again.

[Anonymous]

MIL gave you a gift to welcome you into the family and the culture. While she's visiting have her show you how to put the sari on and take some photos together. Accept the gift and your MIL's welcome. Please don't have it hanging on the wall when she arrives. She wants to connect with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

Op here. Why do people think it was a wedding gift? It wasn't. My MIL sends me at least 10 south Asian dresses every year. We have been together for 8 years. I have tons of saris and south Asian clothing.

[Anonymous]

I'm Indian and yes, I would expect that your mother in law would find this weird, if not offensive. That said, you don't sound particularly culturally sensitive and based on everything you've said, it's highly likely that your MIL doesn't like you anyway (for example, it sound like you don't communicate with your MIL and don't want to. You're not interested in the clothing she gave you -- I mean it's fairly easy to put on a sari nowadays given the hundreds of youtube videos that have step by step instructions, so that excuse does not fly, Etc...)

Your husband sounds like an ass. His poor mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, take it down. If your MIL doesn't even speak English (I'm assuming Indian and not Pakistani or Bangladeshi?) then she's likely not from a large city or upper caste, since she would have learned English along with Hindi or Gujarati or fill-in-the-blank. Point being that she's less likely to be cosmopolitan or liberal or however you want to phrase it, and more likely to be very traditional. She may already be having a hard time with a non-SA DIL. Just do your best, and let your DH run interference.

PP is right, you'll offend her somehow anyway, but best to minimize it by not hanging the sari she gave you as decor.

Op here. Point taken but will hanging any sari on the wall offend her? Is that something only certain castes do? Is it never done in SA? I've asked my husband but he " doesn't know ".

OMG. Really???? You sound awful.

Take it down. Nobody in India hangs their clothing on the wall. Do you hang YOUR clothing on the walls for decoration? What a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

So she's supposed to just keep it wrapped in a box forever? And then lug it around from place to place when she moves? What if she doesn't like baggage? What if she's not the type to keep her wedding dress and every other single thing that anyone ever gave her throughout her life? It's very disrespectful giving someone a "gift" and then putting restrictions on what they can do with it. Especially when those restrictions mean "keep it wrapped in a box forever".

Just curious, are you suggesting that the best thing would have been to just give it back, and say that she is aware that it's expensive (if it was, otherwise I guess that would be awkward), say that she's not the type to just keep things in a box forever, and she doesn't want to cause offense so she'd rather her MIL take it back?

I mean, has her husband completely removed himself form south asian culture? Because if not, she'll probably have an opportunity to wear it -- a friend's wedding, or a party, or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

Op here. Why do people think it was a wedding gift? It wasn't. My MIL sends me at least 10 south Asian dresses every year. We have been together for 8 years. I have tons of saris and south Asian clothing.

Yeah, you didn't say that. You made it sound like this is the one south asian article of clothing she has ever given you. CONTEXT, lady.