Will my SA mother in law be offended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
PP again.

I am multi-cultural (two asian culture and three european culture). I have often noticed that posters here tend to overplay class or cultural differences, just to show how sensitive they are. In reality, to people of those cultures, it's not a big deal.

It's no big deal OP. Don't overthink this.

[Anonymous]

SA here. I have hung up saris in my home and used them for decor, and so has my mom. HOWEVER, not new ones. Ones that we have had for years, and don't wear anymore.

Don't hang up the sari that your MIL gave you. Or, don't have it hanging when she comes to visit.

[Anonymous]

If she would definitely NOT be offended, he would say so. I would take it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, take it down. If your MIL doesn't even speak English (I'm assuming Indian and not Pakistani or Bangladeshi?) then she's likely not from a large city or upper caste, since she would have learned English along with Hindi or Gujarati or fill-in-the-blank. Point being that she's less likely to be cosmopolitan or liberal or however you want to phrase it, and more likely to be very traditional. She may already be having a hard time with a non-SA DIL. Just do your best, and let your DH run interference.

PP is right, you'll offend her somehow anyway, but best to minimize it by not hanging the sari she gave you as decor.

Op here. Point taken but will hanging any sari on the wall offend her? Is that something only certain castes do? Is it never done in SA? I've asked my husband but he " doesn't know ".

No one hangs sarees on the wall. The point is that she gave you a gift of clothing and you are using that clothing as an "exotic" wall display. Just take it down.

The point is that she gave you clothing to wear and you're using it as decoration. It's no different than if someone gave you a nice sweater or jacket and you decided to display it on your wall. You might as well be announcing that you will never wear it.

For all we know, your MIL might find it amusing. But just to be on the polite side, take it down when she's here. You can put it back up when she leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SA here. I have hung up saris in my home and used them for decor, and so has my mom. HOWEVER, not new ones. Ones that we have had for years, and don't wear anymore.

Don't hang up the sari that your MIL gave you. Or, don't have it hanging when she comes to visit.

+1

As for the SA PP that plans to decorate with her grandmothers' old clothes - that's a different situation. They are YOUR grandmothers - the same rule does not necessarily apply to DILs. Also, the clothes are old and you have plenty of them. If OP's MIL has given numerous saris, and this is just one of the many, that might make it okay.

[Anonymous]

Do you also have dresses your mom has given you hanging on a wall? It's beyond weird. Your poor husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

+1

Another south asian here. It's really not a big deal. OP is asking if it's ok to do this. It's perfectly1 ok but replace the sari your MIL gave you with another one.

[Anonymous]

Indian here. A new sari is not hung as wall art, there are so many beautiful Indian options for wall art that include the use of textiles but not saris. To an older person it would probably be looked at as odd, hanging up a non-significant article of clothing instead of actual art.

I can see it being a trendy new thing to do with old saris or with a sari that has special significance, but you don't do it with a gift from your MIL. Did you wear it to your wedding or reception? That would be an exception even if it was a gift for her.

An old sari is almost always repurposed in some way- as a kurta, salwar kameez, pillow covers, bed cover, cloth bags, etc but not usually as a wall hanging and I do see how it can be pretty but it's best to just take it down while she's here.

Maybe once she's here for a bit you could get her to teach you how to drape the sari. If it's beautiful on the wall, it's probably even more beautiful worn at least once!

[Anonymous]

It's weird OP but not offensive.

[Anonymous]

Indian here. Take it down, she will be offended that you are using a wedding present in a disrespectful way.

[Anonymous]

I think she'd be honored.

[Anonymous]

Disrespectful? Offended? Some people seriously need to get a grip.

It's disrespectful to use an item of clothing that someone gifted you as a rug in the dog's kennel. Or as a rag for your DH to wipe his hands with when he's doing vehicle maintenance. Or to throw it straight in the trash instead of giving it away to someone who would appreciate and take pleasure in using it.

Hanging up something as wall art in a clearly positive manner (not as a joke) because it's beautiful and makes you feel good to look at it and remember who gave it to you is not disrespectful. If anyone is seriously offended by that, then they're going to be offended by anything. And personally, I don't want people like that in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disrespectful? Offended? Some people seriously need to get a grip.

It's disrespectful to use an item of clothing that someone gifted you as a rug in the dog's kennel. Or as a rag for your DH to wipe his hands with when he's doing vehicle maintenance. Or to throw it straight in the trash instead of giving it away to someone who would appreciate and take pleasure in using it.

Hanging up something as wall art in a clearly positive manner (not as a joke) because it's beautiful and makes you feel good to look at it and remember who gave it to you is not disrespectful. If anyone is seriously offended by that, then they're going to be offended by anything. And personally, I don't want people like that in my life.

Are you Souh Asian? If not, please sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am south asian- dad is north Indian and Mom is pakistani and my dadi (paternal grandmother) only wore saaris, my maternal grandmother only wore thang/churridar pyjamas and I have several as heirlooms. I'm having one of my grandmother's kameezes framed and displayed b/c its cloth of gold and very fragile. I had told her of my intention and she thought it was slightly weird to decorate with clothing but totally not offended. I'm totally going to do this with my grandmothers' saari- its a lovely idea. I think that is actually a wonderful way to add an indian touch to your decor and use the beautiful gift your MIL gave you. She might laugh about it with her friends but its increasingly common to see indian textiles used this way on the subcontinent itself. I have a gorgeous bedcover stitched from antique sari's so its being done. if she is going to be offended than she is just the type who will be offended by everything.

Getting heirloom pieces framed is completely different than what OP has done.

A saree that was gifted as a wedding present is likely pretty expensive, and no SA MIL is going to think it's an honor to have it hanging up on the wall. My mom takes her expensive sarees and wraps them in special fabric and stores them like you would your wedding dress. Even if you would hang your wedding dress on your wall as decor, you probably wouldn't use it as a window dressing (which is how it's used in the article that OP linked). I totally get using Indian textiles, and even actual sarees, as decor. I wouldn't do that with a saree of any kind of value. It's just sort of bizarre and signifies that you don't understand the value of the gift you've been given.

[Anonymous]

My Indian mother would be very offended if I did something like this. I never wear the heavy wedding silk saris that my parents gave me and wanted to turn them into decorative quilts. It took a while to calm my mom down.
Your MIL might be different but I would err on the side of caution and take it down during her visit. It's a small gesture on your part and there is no need to invite trouble.