Did you ever think maybe you shouldn’t have had kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had that thought many times, but as I age, I realize I did the right thing having children. Nothing worse than to age without children and grandchildren. I watched my aunt got through this. After her husband died, she was alone and without me, she would have had nobody.

Really? I can think of a few things off the top of my head. Cancer, poverty, depression to name a few.

Well, perhaps true, but I still think a life with no kids as an elderly person sucks. I watched someone go through it in an assisted living setting. I could tell she had regrets whenever she listened to others talk about their kids/grandkids. It is an empty life in my opinion. She didn't have kids mainly because her husband didn't want them.

The vast majority of lonely old people have kids. The vast majority of old people in assisted living have kids. Having kids is absolutely no guarantee of not being left to fend for yourself in your old age.

So true. Used to work in this field and 95% of the residents had kids/family, only a small portion were childless. Those with kids/families would talk nonstop about them, but it was what they'd seen them doing on Facebook or a story they'd heard from another relative. Very few had family that visited. Even those who had kids that lived close by only visited a few times a year.

It's just not the American way to care for our elderly.

[Anonymous]

No. I have always wanted children, and being a parent is very fulfilling, apart the times when my special needs teen takes years off my life with his behavior. Sigh.

However I definitely should have chosen a different husband! He's abusive and so weird he doesn't even realize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I have always wanted children, and being a parent is very fulfilling, apart the times when my special needs teen takes years off my life with his behavior. Sigh.

However I definitely should have chosen a different husband! He's abusive and so weird he doesn't even realize it.

PP again - and I realize there is heredity there, and I am very upfront with my son that I do not want him to turn into his father. We work on social skills, listening, paying attention to other people's emotions, respecting other's, boundaries, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking this lately. Nothing I can do now, obviously. But if I had to go back and do it all over would I have had kids?

NO!

[Anonymous]

I would have had one or two more children. I only have one, and parenting has been very fulfilling for my personal development aside from other aspects of life.

[Anonymous]

If I could do it all over again, I'd have my kids earlier and with a different father. But, all things considered, I wouldn't want a completely childfree life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t find the specific poll that said most parents of older kids wouldn’t have had them again, but these articles are worth reading.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/?utm_term=.552e2860d995

https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyone-have-children/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

I haven't looked at these articles - but you are going to find articles and polls to back up either position so what is the point? Tons of articles about people who love having kids, elderly that regret not having them - and those that regret having them. You will find what you are looking for - I think it's call perspective bias!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t find the specific poll that said most parents of older kids wouldn’t have had them again, but these articles are worth reading.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/?utm_term=.552e2860d995

https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyone-have-children/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

I haven't looked at these articles - but you are going to find articles and polls to back up either position so what is the point? Tons of articles about people who love having kids, elderly that regret not having them - and those that regret having them. You will find what you are looking for - I think it's call perspective bias!!

The point is to break the taboo. It’s not a competition, and yes, plenty of people love having kids.

[Anonymous]

Every day that I am a parent to two teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had that thought many times, but as I age, I realize I did the right thing having children. Nothing worse than to age without children and grandchildren. I watched my aunt got through this. After her husband died, she was alone and without me, she would have had nobody.

Really? I can think of a few things off the top of my head. Cancer, poverty, depression to name a few.

Well, perhaps true, but I still think a life with no kids as an elderly person sucks. I watched someone go through it in an assisted living setting. I could tell she had regrets whenever she listened to others talk about their kids/grandkids. It is an empty life in my opinion. She didn't have kids mainly because her husband didn't want them.

The vast majority of lonely old people have kids. The vast majority of old people in assisted living have kids. Having kids is absolutely no guarantee of not being left to fend for yourself in your old age.

So true. Used to work in this field and 95% of the residents had kids/family, only a small portion were childless. Those with kids/families would talk nonstop about them, but it was what they'd seen them doing on Facebook or a story they'd heard from another relative. Very few had family that visited. Even those who had kids that lived close by only visited a few times a year.

It's just not the American way to care for our elderly.

What is the American way of caring for the elderly?

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad I had kids. I'm not the greatest parent, I get tired/cranky, and they drive me nuts but it's all so interesting and lively. Sure, I could have had an interesting life without kids but not with people I love with every piece of my heart. Fingers crossed that I'll continue to have an interesting life after they leave the house but on a new trajectory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t find the specific poll that said most parents of older kids wouldn’t have had them again, but these articles are worth reading.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/?utm_term=.552e2860d995

https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyone-have-children/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

I haven't looked at these articles - but you are going to find articles and polls to back up either position so what is the point? Tons of articles about people who love having kids, elderly that regret not having them - and those that regret having them. You will find what you are looking for - I think it's call perspective bias!!

I actually haven't seen many pieces about people who regret not having kids. I know people who tried to have kids and couldn't - or didn't - and are deeply sad about it. But I haven't seen research showing people who didn't want kids and later regret it. I'd love to see that - as someone who didn't want kids and didn't have them, and so far doesn't feel regret. I'm only 44 though - there's time for recrimination and regret, I suppose!

[Anonymous]

I wish I had started earlier. But I don't wish I didn't have them

[Anonymous]

I had this feeling once when someone ,still don't know who was always calling DHS on me and they kept showing up claiming someone was calling saying my kids were being neglected and they would not stop coming around and threatening to take my kids even though my kids were not neglected or abused at all, these people are on a power trip and thats when I had a moment of regretting having kids, because obviously there are some people that think I am a bad mom, and I had a moment of thinking maybe they are right, you can do your best and still be labeled a bad mom by people who barely know you its really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t find the specific poll that said most parents of older kids wouldn’t have had them again, but these articles are worth reading.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/?utm_term=.552e2860d995

https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyone-have-children/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

I haven't looked at these articles - but you are going to find articles and polls to back up either position so what is the point? Tons of articles about people who love having kids, elderly that regret not having them - and those that regret having them. You will find what you are looking for - I think it's call perspective bias!!

I actually haven't seen many pieces about people who regret not having kids. I know people who tried to have kids and couldn't - or didn't - and are deeply sad about it. But I haven't seen research showing people who didn't want kids and later regret it. I'd love to see that - as someone who didn't want kids and didn't have them, and so far doesn't feel regret. I'm only 44 though - there's time for recrimination and regret, I suppose!

I don't have articles and I generally agree with you - I'm thinking if you never want kids and don't have them, it's unlikely that would feel deep, lasting regret. But I know two couples where one spouse did not want kids and the other agreed to it. Both of those spouses (one man, one woman) regret it DEEPLY. The man can't have 2 drinks without crying about it. It is quite sad - and I don't mean sad as in pathetic, I mean I feel horrible for him.