Did you ever think maybe you shouldn’t have had kids?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've something thought I shouldn't have had kids. But then I think I would've always regretted it, if I hadn't had kids. As they say, the grass is always greener.

I adore my kids but sometimes feel like I'm doing a good enough job parenting them.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about "shouldn't" but I've certainly thought about how easy life would be without kids... lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had that thought many times, but as I age, I realize I did the right thing having children. Nothing worse than to age without children and grandchildren. I watched my aunt got through this. After her husband died, she was alone and without me, she would have had nobody.

Really? I can think of a few things off the top of my head. Cancer, poverty, depression to name a few.

Well, perhaps true, but I still think a life with no kids as an elderly person sucks. I watched someone go through it in an assisted living setting. I could tell she had regrets whenever she listened to others talk about their kids/grandkids. It is an empty life in my opinion. She didn't have kids mainly because her husband didn't want them.

This is sad if she wanted kids but was mis-matched with a partner who did not. I can see how that would lead to one's life feeling empty. People who don't want kids, though, will not necessarily feel sad when they are old. That 's a whole different set of people. I always wanted kids and went to extreme lengths to have them. To OP's question, I have never once regretted it. However, it's not for everyone.

Wait, they end up in the same assisted living facility whether they have kids or not? So what's the difference? One gets occasional visits and one extra topic to talk (brag) about? All other things being equal I guess you would end up in a much nicer facility if you don't have college bills and costs associated with raising kids. I am not advocating for either side, but the image of 2 old people in the nursing home with one somehow being superior because they have grandkids is kinda nonsensical...

The ones with kids get a lot more visits by and large and are taken out for holidays and other family events. The ones without kids spend most of their time at the facility. I did take my aunt out as often as possible. There were many holidays she spent at the facility sadly. If it were my mom, I may have made more of an effort, of course.

Yes Oprah etc. may not have empty lives mainly because they have big careers, are famous and wealthy. Not the case for many lonely elderly people.

PS senior life was not the reason for my having kids as some said. It is just something that has been on my mind after spending so much time with seniors over the past few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had that thought many times, but as I age, I realize I did the right thing having children. Nothing worse than to age without children and grandchildren. I watched my aunt got through this. After her husband died, she was alone and without me, she would have had nobody.

Really? I can think of a few things off the top of my head. Cancer, poverty, depression to name a few.

Well, perhaps true, but I still think a life with no kids as an elderly person sucks. I watched someone go through it in an assisted living setting. I could tell she had regrets whenever she listened to others talk about their kids/grandkids. It is an empty life in my opinion. She didn't have kids mainly because her husband didn't want them.

Perhaps growing older is better than cancer? You obviously have never seen someone die from cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, perhaps true, but I still think a life with no kids as an elderly person sucks. I watched someone go through it in an assisted living setting. I could tell she had regrets whenever she listened to others talk about their kids/grandkids. It is an empty life in my opinion. She didn't have kids mainly because her husband didn't want them.

Yes, Jane Austen, Susan B. Anthony, Helen Mirren, and Oprah Winfrey are famous for their empty lives. Wait, what?

Well actually Oprah did have a kid, when she was 13. It was due to her being raped by her uncle and the child was stillborn. I think that may have had a lot to do with her reluctance to go there again. Its public knowledge, she talked about it in the 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had that thought many times, but as I age, I realize I did the right thing having children. Nothing worse than to age without children and grandchildren. I watched my aunt got through this. After her husband died, she was alone and without me, she would have had nobody.

Maybe it's worse to age with kids and grandkids who don't really care about you, leave you to sit alone at home or in a nursing home. Even worse, to actively hate you. There are many people without children who don't and won't go through a lonely old age.

Also it's sad to me that people have kids so they'll have someone to take care of them when they're older. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes when they were little - hated birth thru age 11. 12-14 was tolerable. 15+ is awesome though of course now they’re ready to leave.

If you've done your job right they will absolutely still be around / be a huge part of your life!

PP here -- maybe but it's never going to be the same. They'll be a part of my life by phone from college/grad school/cool jobs and then maybe visiting when they have time off from said cool jobs -- if they don't have commitments with the inlaws first of course? Not the same as being in the same home.

[Anonymous]

Every fucking day

[Anonymous]

I don't regret having a kid but I'm really glad we ended up stopping at one. She's a teen now and the light is at the end of the tunnel.

I'm an okay parent, but coming from a dysfunctional background I've had to work hard at my parenting skills, and I think more than one kid would have been too much for me.

It's okay not to have kids. Puppies are cute, and grow into adorable dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. My kids have been one of the best parts of my life. And I wanted to experience as many things as possible. Being a parent is one of those transformative experiences that cannot be matched. Even if every day and every minute isn't awesome.

+ 1

Of course it's not all roses, and a lot of parenting is difficult, redundant work. But after I had my son, I feel like my heart grew three sizes. There are also moments of transcendent bliss amid the chaos.

[Anonymous]

In the early years, all the time. I really didn’t enjoy birth through 5 at all. I was bonded to my kids, wanted the best for them, worked my butt off for them, would be inexpressibly upset if something happened to one of them, but still didn’t think it was necessarily the right thing to do for me. Now, however, I love being their mom and it is an important part of my identity. It is just so cool to see them become the incredible adults they are going to be (despite me). Maybe you’ll hit the age where you might feel like that too.

[Anonymous]

They are my greatest joy and have taught me love I had never known. And sometimes they are a pain in the ass but I would never want to live without them.

I also came from a very dysfunctional family, so I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching at times. It means I don’t take them for granted. It means my family is my life work, no matter how many accomplishments I have made in my career.

The thought of life without them brings me to my knees.

[Anonymous]

I think about this, but more from the perspective of our shitty world. Like, with climate change, etc., was it really fair to bring them into a world that’s falling apart. Especially in the current political climate, I worry about the future being very bleak. But the deed is done.

Do I occasionally have pangs of jealousy when my childless friend’s take off on exotic vacations, or go out to eat amazing food all the time, or whatever? Sure. But I wouldn’t switch places. Plus, I figure one day my kids will be grown and I can do what I want whenever I want again.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I shouldn't have had kids but I do think I shouldn't have had kids with my dh.

He's not a bad person, we just don't have the same views on anything, including parenting. We were young, in love and on paper we were a good match but not so much in a real everyday married life sort of way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes when they were little - hated birth thru age 11. 12-14 was tolerable. 15+ is awesome though of course now they’re ready to leave.

If you've done your job right they will absolutely still be around / be a huge part of your life!

PP here -- maybe but it's never going to be the same. They'll be a part of my life by phone from college/grad school/cool jobs and then maybe visiting when they have time off from said cool jobs -- if they don't have commitments with the inlaws first of course? Not the same as being in the same home.

Not if you have daughters!