Did you ever think maybe you shouldn’t have had kids?

[Anonymous]

I think I would have said Yes to this question yesterday around 7 pm when my toddler was screaming and throwing all of the carefully prepared food I had made onto the floor, begging to be held while I just wanted to eat my g-d-am dinner.

But then this morning she was walking around in her morning cheerfulness singing a little song, and I just love her with all of my heart.

I think it's natural to feel this way sometimes, but it usually passes.

[Anonymous]

No. My kids have been one of the best parts of my life. And I wanted to experience as many things as possible. Being a parent is one of those transformative experiences that cannot be matched. Even if every day and every minute isn't awesome.

[Anonymous]

Yes when they were little - hated birth thru age 11. 12-14 was tolerable. 15+ is awesome though of course now they’re ready to leave.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am not a good mother. I'm way too high strung and type a for kids. My sister and her DH are not having kids. Smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes when they were little - hated birth thru age 11. 12-14 was tolerable. 15+ is awesome though of course now they’re ready to leave.

If you've done your job right they will absolutely still be around / be a huge part of your life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had that thought many times, but as I age, I realize I did the right thing having children. Nothing worse than to age without children and grandchildren. I watched my aunt got through this. After her husband died, she was alone and without me, she would have had nobody.

Really? I can think of a few things off the top of my head. Cancer, poverty, depression to name a few.

Well, perhaps true, but I still think a life with no kids as an elderly person sucks. I watched someone go through it in an assisted living setting. I could tell she had regrets whenever she listened to others talk about their kids/grandkids. It is an empty life in my opinion. She didn't have kids mainly because her husband didn't want them.

This is sad if she wanted kids but was mis-matched with a partner who did not. I can see how that would lead to one's life feeling empty. People who don't want kids, though, will not necessarily feel sad when they are old. That 's a whole different set of people. I always wanted kids and went to extreme lengths to have them. To OP's question, I have never once regretted it. However, it's not for everyone.

Wait, they end up in the same assisted living facility whether they have kids or not? So what's the difference? One gets occasional visits and one extra topic to talk (brag) about? All other things being equal I guess you would end up in a much nicer facility if you don't have college bills and costs associated with raising kids. I am not advocating for either side, but the image of 2 old people in the nursing home with one somehow being superior because they have grandkids is kinda nonsensical...

[Anonymous]

Honestly, kids are hard when they're small. The older they get, the easier and more fun they are in my opinion. I truly enjoy every moment of having kids now, but about 10 years ago there were times when hiding outside with good book and a cigarette kept me sane for a couple of hours. (Don't judge, you've got to do what you've got to do to keep out of a straitjacket).

[Anonymous]

I mean...there are absolutely moments where I think 'man, if I didnt have kids this would be sooo much easier' or I miss the luxury of being selfish and "free" and daydream about how much easier life would be. But as for actually seriously thinking I should have no had kids, no absolutely not, never. I always wanted kids and can't imagine missing out on this experience of life. They may make my life feel like an actual circus some days, but they bring me IMMENSE joy (and amusement! They're freaking hilarious.) For me, personally, life would feel very empty without them and no matter how hard it gets I don't for a second delude myself about that

[Anonymous]

I often think that I should have picked a different father for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had that thought many times, but as I age, I realize I did the right thing having children. Nothing worse than to age without children and grandchildren. I watched my aunt got through this. After her husband died, she was alone and without me, she would have had nobody.

Talk about the wrong reason to have kids. Wow.

[Anonymous]

DH feels this way about his adult sons. He lucked out with me being childfree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking this lately. Nothing I can do now, obviously. But if I had to go back and do it all over would I have had kids?

I did when in the throes of the baby blues. I enjoyed her but I mourned my child-less life. I've since learned that I'm just not a baby person. They are sweet, cute, and I'll hold/change another person's baby all day long. But, then I want to sleep at night. Once out of that stage, I LOVE it. My DH didn't feel the same and we only have one. I have a HUGE amount of resentment about that and it has affected how I feel about him. But, it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, kids are hard when they're small. The older they get, the easier and more fun they are in my opinion. I truly enjoy every moment of having kids now, but about 10 years ago there were times when hiding outside with good book and a cigarette kept me sane for a couple of hours. (Don't judge, you've got to do what you've got to do to keep out of a straitjacket).

about that... http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/697216.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t find the specific poll that said most parents of older kids wouldn’t have had them again, but these articles are worth reading.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/?utm_term=.552e2860d995

https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyone-have-children/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

Me again. I meant “adult children” rather than “older kids”. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

What do you hope to gain by brooding on this question? The point is, you did have kids, now you should be focused on how to get through it best you can, with minimal damage.

My kids are now 5 and 8, and I've changed my opinion on this many times, but I knew going in that it would be hard and because I was ambivalent, I chose to own my choice. But if my DH wanted to be childfree, I think I might have been relieved.