DS 13 - Is this a battle worth fighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine do not wear coats (beyond a sweatshirt or fleece). They do not use lockers, have no room in their backpacks and do not want to have to carry anything else. They go for years without being sick. I have moved on (while silently shaking my head of course)

Ditto. Have you ever driven by a high school bus stop or done the drop off line at school? I never see kids with coats on. Sometimes girls wear scarves, hats and gloves. But not coats. Mine even wore shorts the entire way through high school.

Thing is, when have you ever heard of a kid getting frostbite from not wearing a coat at the bus stop. Yes, there was the drunk boy who fell into water and laid there for hours who died. But that's not what we're talking about.

[Anonymous]

I don't give a crap what other kids are doing, my kids are going to dress appropriate for the weather. Being "a hill to die on" never was a thing, because they never had an option or choice. I guess as parents we all have out things we are a stickler about and this was one of mine. Certain temperatures require hat, gloves, scarves, proper shoes. End of story. My younger used to always claim he was hot - too bad, when we get in the car you can take off your hat/gloves.

- Mom of 18 and 12 year old boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS has always run hot, even as a baby. I'd get drive-by comments from moms, "why don't you have a hat on that baby?" Um, do you have any Super Glue or a stapler? Because that's the only way it's staying on.

Local news has even had segments on the tween/teen boy phenomena of wearing shorts in the winter. They usually show a video of bunch of middle school boys playing in the snow in shorts, as Mom is saying she's just giving up.

Personally I tell DS he has to at least put sweats on over his shorts while waiting for the bus on frigid mornings. If he takes them off on the bus, well I'm not there and I figure at least he has them, just in case. But otherwise if it's above freezing, I leave it alone.

Babies especially need to be kept warm because of they are unable to regulate their body temperature as well as we do. Besides, babies are notorious for pulling off their hats, that's why they sell baby hats with the chin straps. I'll admit it, I'd judge you if I saw you out with a baby with no hat in freezing temps.

[Anonymous]

Boys are furnaces. They are somehow hard wired to not be as cold as we , the patents, think they should be.

Op - how much outdoor exposure did your kid have? Is it walying from his car/parking lot to the school entrance?
If he's truly cold, he'll remember to at least grab a hat next time.
Not worth the battle.

Op - mine wear a lot of thinsulate type shirts so even if he's wearing that and a sweatshirt and nothing else than Im sorta comforted knowing he's not going to "that" cold especially since he's not outside in the elements for too long at any given time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to be the responsible parent. He needs to put on a winter coat in subzero temps. No more discussing the issue. Just tell him. And stick to it.

I bet you have a toddler.

I bet you allow your kid to rule.

Clothes are not a hill to die on.

When kids learn to obey their parents,
no one needs to die on any hill.

Children aren't dogs. They can't be brought to heel by sheer force. Those attempts often have the opposite effects. I had very harsh parents in that regard, and let me tell you, I didn't respect them or obey them. A veil of obedience (taken from the book "Untangled") was the best they could hope for.

Parenting is about teaching, not sheer dominance. And thus the "die on the hill" is an appropriate way to approach it. Some things matter; some don't or matter less. And, while this is not a matter of style, let's be honest: these kids are walking outside for only a few minutes in most instances. No one is going to freeze to death. I grew up in the midwest, where it is much colder, and I can tell you that I was OFTEN not appropriately bundled unless and until it was dangerously cold (like, warnings that skin will freeze in minutes type of cold). This is not it.

Consequences, where they can be done safely or in the realm of safely, are the best lessons. The kids will be cold in certain temps. At that point, they'll wear proper clothes.

As for being sick and the kid not caring, you simply make clear that if s/he is sick, then there will be no TV/phone/Computer or anything other than being in bed while recuperating. If that's the chance they want to take, so be it. But, follow through. Again, consequences.

You "obey your parents" types are just . . . wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't give a crap what other kids are doing, my kids are going to dress appropriate for the weather. Being "a hill to die on" never was a thing, because they never had an option or choice. I guess as parents we all have out things we are a stickler about and this was one of mine. Certain temperatures require hat, gloves, scarves, proper shoes. End of story. My younger used to always claim he was hot - too bad, when we get in the car you can take off your hat/gloves.

- Mom of 18 and 12 year old boys.

If I say you are cold..you are cold! I am your mother. I will decide! Even at 18, I will decide...

[Anonymous]

Oh please no one said at 18. They are adults by then. But teens are kids no matter what anybidy say and they will be treated as such. What's the rush, what's so fabulous about adulthood anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what now teens aren't kids anymore? I get kids have different tolerances for cold, but you do make the rules. I don't get ppl don't think you can discipline teens.

Of course you can set and enforce rules for teenagers. But is this what you want to set and enforce rules over? It's not what I want to set and enforce rules over.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes we have needs that include checking-off "I've done what I can as a parent ..." We meet their needs all the time. I think they need to be expected to respect our needs - to see that they do as we ask when they leave the house. Doesn't mean we're fooling ourselves: no control over them after that, and realize it will likely make no difference - but oddly still important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't give a crap what other kids are doing, my kids are going to dress appropriate for the weather. Being "a hill to die on" never was a thing, because they never had an option or choice. I guess as parents we all have out things we are a stickler about and this was one of mine. Certain temperatures require hat, gloves, scarves, proper shoes. End of story. My younger used to always claim he was hot - too bad, when we get in the car you can take off your hat/gloves.

- Mom of 18 and 12 year old boys.

If I say you are cold..you are cold! I am your mother. I will decide! Even at 18, I will decide...

Yup. This is classic "Go put on a sweater, I'm cold."

[Anonymous]

Ok maybe not this particular issue, but I know people who act like they can't discipline a teen for anything.

[Anonymous]

Can you compromise and get a thinner coat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine do not wear coats (beyond a sweatshirt or fleece). They do not use lockers, have no room in their backpacks and do not want to have to carry anything else. They go for years without being sick. I have moved on (while silently shaking my head of course)

Ditto. Have you ever driven by a high school bus stop or done the drop off line at school? I never see kids with coats on. Sometimes girls wear scarves, hats and gloves. But not coats. Mine even wore shorts the entire way through high school.

Thing is, when have you ever heard of a kid getting frostbite from not wearing a coat at the bus stop. Yes, there was the drunk boy who fell into water and laid there for hours who died. But that's not what we're talking about.

Isn't part of the issue some have to carry them all day and its a pain to carry them. I am a Mom and I don't always wear a coat, especially if in/out of the car. So, I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't give a crap what other kids are doing, my kids are going to dress appropriate for the weather. Being "a hill to die on" never was a thing, because they never had an option or choice. I guess as parents we all have out things we are a stickler about and this was one of mine. Certain temperatures require hat, gloves, scarves, proper shoes. End of story. My younger used to always claim he was hot - too bad, when we get in the car you can take off your hat/gloves.

- Mom of 18 and 12 year old boys.

If I say you are cold..you are cold! I am your mother. I will decide! Even at 18, I will decide...

I'm the person you quoted, I don't manage my 18 year olds clothing at all anymore. I was just clarifying because I assumed people would respond and tell me I must not have teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him about the senior who just died of hypothermia walking home from a party.

The temps were much warmer than now.

The senior passed out drunk in a pond. I don't think you can compare the risks of doing that with the risks of walking to school.