DS 13 - Is this a battle worth fighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let. It. Go. If he gets cold enough, he will dress more warmly. Many teens - boys especially - don’t want to keep up with all that winter gear when they get to school and take it off.

Most importantly, it’s 2018, and we should all know by that being cold does not cause illness. If cold enough for long enough, it can lead to hypothermia or frost bite, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the concern. Cold does not cause illness.

This is not completely true.

In and of itself, cold does not directly cause illness. However, cold weather and side effects (wet feet, runny nose) make the body more susceptible to succumbing to the many germs that are present and do cause illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let. It. Go. If he gets cold enough, he will dress more warmly. Many teens - boys especially - don’t want to keep up with all that winter gear when they get to school and take it off.

Most importantly, it’s 2018, and we should all know by that being cold does not cause illness. If cold enough for long enough, it can lead to hypothermia or frost bite, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the concern. Cold does not cause illness.

This is not completely true.

In and of itself, cold does not directly cause illness. However, cold weather and side effects (wet feet, runny nose) make the body more susceptible to succumbing to the many germs that are present and do cause illness.

He's going to school not hiking through the woods. I would encourage him to take a coat on the off chance there is a fire drill. It doesn't matter. It just matters to you. Maybe he is adequately warm. They are independent beings - let them be independent. This is not the first or last odd thing he will do that will make you crazy - frankly that's probably part of the appeal. If he's an otherwise good kid who makes good choices why would you add conflict where there is no need for it?

[Anonymous]

So what now teens aren't kids anymore? I get kids have different tolerances for cold, but you do make the rules. I don't get ppl don't think you can discipline teens.

[Anonymous]

My kids are sensible to know that if they will be outside for a prolonged time they will dress appropriately (well, not for ME but decently at least) but most days they seem underdressed to me. I let it go. I provide the proper clothing, lecture about the dangers, and refuse to make accommodation (like picking them up rather than wait for the bus) so they live and learn. DD went off to college this year and guess who had a new long coat, ear warmers, and winter boots on her Christmas list? It took a while but she saw the light!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to be the responsible parent. He needs to put on a winter coat in subzero temps. No more discussing the issue. Just tell him. And stick to it.

I bet you have a toddler.

I bet you allow your kid to rule.

Clothes are not a hill to die on.

When kids learn to obey their parents,
no one needs to die on any hill.

You.do.not.have.a.teen

+1 this is certainly one to let the natural consequences play out. The PP that is all about obeying parent as teenager is wrong. A 16 year old needs to be able to make decisions and not rely on parents for instructions on how to bundle up. A parent raises kids to become adults. Not non thinking extensions of themselves. Telling them they cannot go on Spring Break, yes enforce definitely. Wearing a heavy enough jacket to school, pathetic IMO if your teen cannot make that decision and parent has to step in.

[Anonymous]

Mine is usually in a hoodie, but for temps in the teens lately, I just told him that if he didn't wear a coat, he'd have to stay home, and if he stayed home, he'd have to email his teachers and tell them that it was because he's too dumb to wear a coat.

He's worn a coat all week and I haven't had to say another word. But I have caught him peeking at the weather app a few times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what now teens aren't kids anymore? I get kids have different tolerances for cold, but you do make the rules. I don't get ppl don't think you can discipline teens.

No they aren't kids, they are teens which is different than little kids. They are becoming independent and one of the ways in which we can help them to be independent is by allowing them to make decisions and suffer the consequences of those decisions presuming the consequences aren't life altering. I have known more than one parent who was sure their kid would come back for a coat but they did not, they were fine. Let them have autonomy over their own body. When you start making rules for teens about things that don't matter and insisting they follow every single one, not only are you robbing them of the ability to learn how to make choices for themselves you are building a wall between you and them.

[Anonymous]

I have a 12 YO DS who does not get cold. I haven't bought him a winter coat in three years. He wears shorts year-round. We have dress pants for dressy occasions which he wears without complaint. To school and on weekends, though, cargo shorts and a golf shirt or t-shirt is all he wears. No coat, no gloves, no hat. If it's a super cold day (e.g. about 3-4 times all winter in DC) he might throw on a hoodie borrowed from his sibling. He honestly seems fine so I don't worry about it. FWIW, I also do not get very cold and tend to skip the coat in the winter (late 40's mom).

[Anonymous]

I don't I completely disagree with that. They aren't little adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what now teens aren't kids anymore? I get kids have different tolerances for cold, but you do make the rules. I don't get ppl don't think you can discipline teens.

No they aren't kids, they are teens which is different than little kids. They are becoming independent and one of the ways in which we can help them to be independent is by allowing them to make decisions and suffer the consequences of those decisions presuming the consequences aren't life altering. I have known more than one parent who was sure their kid would come back for a coat but they did not, they were fine. Let them have autonomy over their own body. When you start making rules for teens about things that don't matter and insisting they follow every single one, not only are you robbing them of the ability to learn how to make choices for themselves you are building a wall between you and them.

My teen will be in college in less than 1 year..certain decisions need to be made by him at this point. Outerwear choice is one of them.

[Anonymous]

First off I dodn's say they were little kids, I just said kids. And also I was talking about the under 16 crowd.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you pick this fight?

Your child will walk outside and get cold. Then he will decide if he is worse off being cold or wearing a coat. If he is too cold, he will learn and take his coat the next time.

The child is going to school, not tramping through the wilderness.

Let him make up his own mind, deal with the consequences, and perhaps learn for next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what now teens aren't kids anymore? I get kids have different tolerances for cold, but you do make the rules. I don't get ppl don't think you can discipline teens.

its not important enough to have a rule.

[Anonymous]

My teen walks 1/2 mile to HS, in his hoodie. He also goes outside at lunch and walks home, all in that hoodie. Yes, he owns a jacket (and hat and gloves and mittens which he also never wears), but it's his choice to wear it or not, not mine.

All you control freaks who think you need to make your teen wear a jacket, get over yourselves. It doesnt matter, and IF they are cold, they'll wear a jacket, and if not, why do you care? No, they aren't going to get sick from walking home these short distances in weather we would be cold in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you pick this fight?

Your child will walk outside and get cold. Then he will decide if he is worse off being cold or wearing a coat. If he is too cold, he will learn and take his coat the next time.

The child is going to school, not tramping through the wilderness.

Let him make up his own mind, deal with the consequences, and perhaps learn for next time.

OP. After this morning's scene, I have decided that you are right.

He is not tramping through the wilderness, but he does have almost a mile long walk home from school, unless I cave and pick him up. I typically do that on super cold or rainy days. But I'm not going to start doing that just because he refuses to learn to dress appropriately for the weather.