Bad luck with men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you attract "bad" behaved men? Or choose such men? Women can tell from few sentences from a guy and even from his demeanor is he is a jerk or not. Why even go out with such a person? I have to agree it is your poor choices. Lack of judgement? Better not to go out at all than to go out with a jerk. First you must respect yourself. Respecting yourself is different than being jerk to other people. I'd rather be single than with a jerk.

I'm not sure that this is true. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships will say that the guy seemed nice at first. I think boys and men have a better sense of which guys are abusive and which guys aren't, simply because they've had to navigate around bullies their whole lives.

Yeah my mom (and many women after her) fell hard for my toxic narcissist dad because he was suave, clever, amusing, and seemed nice. The hidden jerk only became evident over time.

With all due respect, this is probably BS. If you date someone seriously for 6 months(so pretty much seeing them every week-long distance relationships are tougher), you can pretty much tell what kind of person they are. It takes too much energy to keep one's true self hidden for that long.

Maybe your dad is part of the 1% of the population that is an expert at lying and concealing, but odds are your mom chose to ignore all the warning signs.

Two women before my mom, and five women after my mom, "ignored all the warning signs" and married him anyway... or he's really good at concealing what an asshole he really is until he's gotten them to the altar. I like the latter explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you attract "bad" behaved men? Or choose such men? Women can tell from few sentences from a guy and even from his demeanor is he is a jerk or not. Why even go out with such a person? I have to agree it is your poor choices. Lack of judgement? Better not to go out at all than to go out with a jerk. First you must respect yourself. Respecting yourself is different than being jerk to other people. I'd rather be single than with a jerk.

I'm not sure that this is true. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships will say that the guy seemed nice at first. I think boys and men have a better sense of which guys are abusive and which guys aren't, simply because they've had to navigate around bullies their whole lives.

Yeah my mom (and many women after her) fell hard for my toxic narcissist dad because he was suave, clever, amusing, and seemed nice. The hidden jerk only became evident over time.

With all due respect, this is probably BS. If you date someone seriously for 6 months(so pretty much seeing them every week-long distance relationships are tougher), you can pretty much tell what kind of person they are. It takes too much energy to keep one's true self hidden for that long.

Maybe your dad is part of the 1% of the population that is an expert at lying and concealing, but odds are your mom chose to ignore all the warning signs.

NP - explain then how women stay involved in relationships with narcissists for a year, two years, or longer? the real side of the narcissist comes out in full force very quickly after he's gotten what he wanted (sex and control) so there's no real hiding of anything. But women choose to stay with the person despite knowing full well the personality in involved.

I am simply baffled by women who are relationships like this - my DW actually just shared the truth that she was with an extreme narcissist/emotional abuser for well over a year before we got together and I have to admit that deep down inside, I've lost a bit of the respect for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you attract "bad" behaved men? Or choose such men? Women can tell from few sentences from a guy and even from his demeanor is he is a jerk or not. Why even go out with such a person? I have to agree it is your poor choices. Lack of judgement? Better not to go out at all than to go out with a jerk. First you must respect yourself. Respecting yourself is different than being jerk to other people. I'd rather be single than with a jerk.

I'm not sure that this is true. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships will say that the guy seemed nice at first. I think boys and men have a better sense of which guys are abusive and which guys aren't, simply because they've had to navigate around bullies their whole lives.

Yeah my mom (and many women after her) fell hard for my toxic narcissist dad because he was suave, clever, amusing, and seemed nice. The hidden jerk only became evident over time.

With all due respect, this is probably BS. If you date someone seriously for 6 months(so pretty much seeing them every week-long distance relationships are tougher), you can pretty much tell what kind of person they are. It takes too much energy to keep one's true self hidden for that long.

Maybe your dad is part of the 1% of the population that is an expert at lying and concealing, but odds are your mom chose to ignore all the warning signs.

NP - explain then how women stay involved in relationships with narcissists for a year, two years, or longer? the real side of the narcissist comes out in full force very quickly after he's gotten what he wanted (sex and control) so there's no real hiding of anything. But women choose to stay with the person despite knowing full well the personality in involved.

I am simply baffled by women who are relationships like this - my DW actually just shared the truth that she was with an extreme narcissist/emotional abuser for well over a year before we got together and I have to admit that deep down inside, I've lost a bit of the respect for her.

It is a mystery.

I have a cousin who had everything going for her, family, beauty, career etc. And she stayed with a man who beat her several times for almost 5 years. One time, he beat her so bad that she fainted, and she still stayed with him for a little while after that (only left when family found out- her mom died of a heart attack the week after learning that her daughter was being beaten mercilessly by her husband). There were no children involved in their marriage, and she still stayed with him.

I cannot say that my cousin has low self esteem. She came from a very solid family-great parents and siblings etc. Other than this man, there are no other indications that she would allow anyone to treat her like that. She stands up for herself at work, she stands up for herself in every aspect of her life. I don't know what kind of hold he had on her.

She left him, and she is now happily married with 3 children. Once in a while, I still look her straight in the eye and ask her what the heck was really going on in her mind when she stayed with a man who almost killed her. She has no answer to give other than that the marriage some really good moments. It's been almost 10 years now since she left, and it's still the most shocking thing that happened in the family in the last 10 years.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that the sex is really good with assholes *because* they're assholes. Women are reluctant to admit it because they don't like that they get turned on by men who treat them badly.

(There was a thread a few weeks ago that sort of confirms this when women were talking about how great sex with a narcissist is.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that the sex is really good with assholes *because* they're assholes. Women are reluctant to admit it because they don't like that they get turned on by men who treat them badly.

(There was a thread a few weeks ago that sort of confirms this when women were talking about how great sex with a narcissist is.)

I had followed that thread and actually the majority of the women said the sex was nothing memorable or great. unless they were re-writing history or just being dishonest, it makes this even more puzzling to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you attract "bad" behaved men? Or choose such men? Women can tell from few sentences from a guy and even from his demeanor is he is a jerk or not. Why even go out with such a person? I have to agree it is your poor choices. Lack of judgement? Better not to go out at all than to go out with a jerk. First you must respect yourself. Respecting yourself is different than being jerk to other people. I'd rather be single than with a jerk.

I'm not sure that this is true. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships will say that the guy seemed nice at first. I think boys and men have a better sense of which guys are abusive and which guys aren't, simply because they've had to navigate around bullies their whole lives.

Yeah my mom (and many women after her) fell hard for my toxic narcissist dad because he was suave, clever, amusing, and seemed nice. The hidden jerk only became evident over time.

With all due respect, this is probably BS. If you date someone seriously for 6 months(so pretty much seeing them every week-long distance relationships are tougher), you can pretty much tell what kind of person they are. It takes too much energy to keep one's true self hidden for that long.

Maybe your dad is part of the 1% of the population that is an expert at lying and concealing, but odds are your mom chose to ignore all the warning signs.

Two women before my mom, and five women after my mom, "ignored all the warning signs" and married him anyway... or he's really good at concealing what an asshole he really is until he's gotten them to the altar. I like the latter explanation.

What idiot marries a man who has 7 xwifes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you attract "bad" behaved men? Or choose such men? Women can tell from few sentences from a guy and even from his demeanor is he is a jerk or not. Why even go out with such a person? I have to agree it is your poor choices. Lack of judgement? Better not to go out at all than to go out with a jerk. First you must respect yourself. Respecting yourself is different than being jerk to other people. I'd rather be single than with a jerk.

I'm not sure that this is true. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships will say that the guy seemed nice at first. I think boys and men have a better sense of which guys are abusive and which guys aren't, simply because they've had to navigate around bullies their whole lives.

Yeah my mom (and many women after her) fell hard for my toxic narcissist dad because he was suave, clever, amusing, and seemed nice. The hidden jerk only became evident over time.

With all due respect, this is probably BS. If you date someone seriously for 6 months(so pretty much seeing them every week-long distance relationships are tougher), you can pretty much tell what kind of person they are. It takes too much energy to keep one's true self hidden for that long.

Maybe your dad is part of the 1% of the population that is an expert at lying and concealing, but odds are your mom chose to ignore all the warning signs.

Two women before my mom, and five women after my mom, "ignored all the warning signs" and married him anyway... or he's really good at concealing what an asshole he really is until he's gotten them to the altar. I like the latter explanation.

What idiot marries a man who has 7 xwifes?

One important aspect of it is that somehow (probably a pact with Satan) he never gives a dime to any ex-wives or children, so he always has plenty of money to spend on his latest prospect.

But seriously, the man is ancient now and recently got married and everyone in the family is saying Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

[Anonymous]

No one is with someone *because* he is an asshole. Most likely this guy had some other traits that the women felt outweighed the negative ones. The women may also have felt that he was the best they could do, and that he was better than nobody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is with someone *because* he is an asshole. Most likely this guy had some other traits that the women felt outweighed the negative ones. The women may also have felt that he was the best they could do, and that he was better than nobody.

I don't know. Maybe I'm completely wrong. But, I sincerely believe that a non-trivial number of women get turned on by guys *because* of the qualities that make them assholes. They don't want long term relationships with these guys because the qualities that make the sex good also make these guys bad partners. Women wouldn't exactly be eager to broadcast that this is the case because: a) they don't want guys treating them like assholes; and b) they may be a bit embarrassed that this turns them on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is with someone *because* he is an asshole. Most likely this guy had some other traits that the women felt outweighed the negative ones. The women may also have felt that he was the best they could do, and that he was better than nobody.

I don't know. Maybe I'm completely wrong. But, I sincerely believe that a non-trivial number of women get turned on by guys *because* of the qualities that make them assholes. They don't want long term relationships with these guys because the qualities that make the sex good also make these guys bad partners. Women wouldn't exactly be eager to broadcast that this is the case because: a) they don't want guys treating them like assholes; and b) they may be a bit embarrassed that this turns them on.

Don’t forget the “I can change him” fiction.

[Anonymous]

Yea OP it's pretty bleak out there. I've had like a few dates in 3 years and no relationship. Honestly, aside from how much I miss sex I just don't see the point. Men my age are either clueless, emotionally unstable, immature and going after 20 somethings. Ain't got no time for that... I have two children, a full time job, graduate school, gym and all that normal stuff one has to do. Lessons learned from x-h so I hope not fall into the same mistake again

Some of my friends chose well but the vast majority unfortunately take a lot of shit from their husbands. I found one of them in a dating app, the other is tied to his mother, another expects the wife to do all the heavy lifting in the marriage and relationship. Being divorced sucks but some days I just love not having to deal with this crap.

[Anonymous]

There is no luck. Your picker is bad. Do some work on yourself to help you choose better men.