Bad luck with men

[Anonymous]

OP, if every guy you date does not treat you well, there may be something wrong with your "picker." Do you have a friend who you trust to tell you the truth? If you were my friend and you asked me, I would tell you what I thought you were maybe doing wrong or could do differently.

Either that, or you are unrealistic in how a man is supposed to treat you. (some women mistake "Spending a lot of money on me" for "treating me well.")

I have dated guys who treated me badly and guys who treated me very well. Sometimes I have dated guys who treated me well at the beginning and then started treating me badly. Sometimes it's hard to tell a guy's real persona in the early dating stages when they're trying to impress you.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend reading a chapter on dating: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Made-Man-Womans-Year-Disguised/dp/0143038702

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yeah. And men need to guard against the manipulative gold-digger who claims high career aspirations but secretly covers the Twinkie eating SAHM lifestyle.

If I have to split the housework, take care of the kids 90% of the time, and work 100% of the time..why would I want to be married to someone like you? I'll marry you, have my 2 kids, divorce you. You will pay child support. And then I will do all my housework, work 100% of the time, but only have to do 50% of the child care (& childcare costs). And not have to put up with your lazy, selfish, depressed ass.

Oh no- correction, if I am married to you I also get to do 90% of the housework too. Divorced I do NONE of your shit

And you I do not wish to date, because you are still walking around angry ft

[Anonymous]

from your marriage. If you want to compare marriage horror stories, I win, but I don't trot mine out too often. Stay off dating sites until you can stop griping about the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All is not fair in dating. Make sure the man pursues the hell out of you. If that's the case, the relationship will be smoother. In terms of romance, men should take the lead. unfortunately men haven't totally evolved past cave man.

I'm not sure if this is great advice.

This just ensures that you only date aggressively flirty types who see you as a conquest. She might be better off taking more initiative in choosing her boyfriends. Also, as dating apps become more the norm, and approaching women at the office/in public becomes less socially acceptable, the old "men chase women" paradigm is becoming less relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:from your marriage. If you want to compare marriage horror stories, I win, but I don't trot mine out too often. Stay off dating sites until you can stop griping about the past.

No griping. Just sick of a-holes thinking SAHM eat twinkies all day. And wimpy baby boys (not real men) who want sex with no responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I'm a good guy in a happy marriage of 20 years. My wife likes me. Here are my observations:

In high school and college, I knew who the good guys were and who the assholes were. As far as I could see, women tended to be more receptive to the advances of the assholes and more interested in them. I expect that's because they were, in a sense, flashier and to a great extent, the path of least resistance because these guys pushed the hardest. But, there was a large overlap between the flashy, hard charger and the guys who picked on the other guys. You can tell the assholes by how they treat the guys who are smaller and/or of lower social status.

By the end of college and within a couple years thereafter, pretty much everyone got married. The good guys tend to stay married. The assholes tend to get divorces. So, there is a very narrow window when the good guys are available *and* women are interested in them as dating prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a good guy in a happy marriage of 20 years. My wife likes me. Here are my observations:

In high school and college, I knew who the good guys were and who the assholes were. As far as I could see, women tended to be more receptive to the advances of the assholes and more interested in them. I expect that's because they were, in a sense, flashier and to a great extent, the path of least resistance because these guys pushed the hardest. But, there was a large overlap between the flashy, hard charger and the guys who picked on the other guys. You can tell the assholes by how they treat the guys who are smaller and/or of lower social status.

By the end of college and within a couple years thereafter, pretty much everyone got married. The good guys tend to stay married. The assholes tend to get divorces. So, there is a very narrow window when the good guys are available *and* women are interested in them as dating prospects.

Female here, and I agree (except for "pretty much everyone got married"). It was always very obvious to me who the a-holes were and who the good ones were.

[Anonymous]

One of the questions I have is, "what makes - or causes - an Ahole"? People who can get away with it are more likely to be witches/aholes. If you are very good looking, for example, people (of either gener) are more willing to put up with your crap. You are a more highly sought after mate.

I don't know that people are attracted to Aholes because they are Aholes. Maybe they are Aholes because they are attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a good guy in a happy marriage of 20 years. My wife likes me. Here are my observations:

In high school and college, I knew who the good guys were and who the assholes were. As far as I could see, women tended to be more receptive to the advances of the assholes and more interested in them. I expect that's because they were, in a sense, flashier and to a great extent, the path of least resistance because these guys pushed the hardest. But, there was a large overlap between the flashy, hard charger and the guys who picked on the other guys. You can tell the assholes by how they treat the guys who are smaller and/or of lower social status.

By the end of college and within a couple years thereafter, pretty much everyone got married. The good guys tend to stay married. The assholes tend to get divorces. So, there is a very narrow window when the good guys are available *and* women are interested in them as dating prospects.

the majority of women, young or old, still pine after the asshole/narcissist/bad boy. the same women get hurt, dumped, cheated on, etc. and wonder "why me"? at the same time these same women completely ignored the "good guys". the "good guys" may not land the runway model, but we do land incredibly smart, loving women who make for great partners and lovers in life.

these assholes get away with it b/c they get what they want. when they stop getting what they want, they typically move on or cheat. if women don't spread their legs open for these guys, don't you think the behavior would change?

thankfully I learned my lesson when I was 18 - stopped caring to go after the popular hot girls and focused on the girls/women who were interested in me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

the majority of women, young or old, still pine after the asshole/narcissist/bad boy.

They swear that they don't. If they have bad experiences with these types of guys, they'll insist that it's because most men are this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a good guy in a happy marriage of 20 years. My wife likes me. Here are my observations:

In high school and college, I knew who the good guys were and who the assholes were. As far as I could see, women tended to be more receptive to the advances of the assholes and more interested in them. I expect that's because they were, in a sense, flashier and to a great extent, the path of least resistance because these guys pushed the hardest. But, there was a large overlap between the flashy, hard charger and the guys who picked on the other guys. You can tell the assholes by how they treat the guys who are smaller and/or of lower social status.

By the end of college and within a couple years thereafter, pretty much everyone got married. The good guys tend to stay married. The assholes tend to get divorces. So, there is a very narrow window when the good guys are available *and* women are interested in them as dating prospects.

the majority of women, young or old, still pine after the asshole/narcissist/bad boy. the same women get hurt, dumped, cheated on, etc. and wonder "why me"? at the same time these same women completely ignored the "good guys". the "good guys" may not land the runway model, but we do land incredibly smart, loving women who make for great partners and lovers in life.

these assholes get away with it b/c they get what they want. when they stop getting what they want, they typically move on or cheat. if women don't spread their legs open for these guys, don't you think the behavior would change?

thankfully I learned my lesson when I was 18 - stopped caring to go after the popular hot girls and focused on the girls/women who were interested in me.

A lot of women confuse a-hole behavior with confidence. When lots of times it's masking insecurity. That insecurity only gets more pronounced over time. And they want you to feel the way they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aside from a boyfriend in high school, I’ve never been treated well by a man. Ever. I’ve been divorced for 6 years and cannot imagine dating or exposing myself to all that trouble. I’m feeling okay most of the time. The only feel sorry for myself when I see couples that appear happy and remind me of what I thought I’d have ( ie a couple that reminds me of me and my ex-husband). Anyone here never date or marry again- please tell me it’s not that unusual and tolerable long term.

When there is a pattern over a good amount of time then you own, at the very least, a significant part of how you are treated. Examine that. Fix it. Then look for men that fit your needs and expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A lot of women confuse a-hole behavior with confidence. When lots of times it's masking insecurity. That insecurity only gets more pronounced over time. And they want you to feel the way they do.

And, to compound the problem, a lot of guys see assholes being successful with women. They know the guys are blowhards rather than being confident. But, it seems to work. So other guys copy what they see working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sad truth is, as a woman, the longer you wait, the less available are the good men...

+1