Neighborhood mom upset her daughter was not invited to birthday party

[Anonymous]

So much entitlement. Op clearly you should have done a party somewhere that could involve all of her friends. Everyone must be invited.

Your post does come off a little.... snooty. So you spent $150 per person plus lavish gift bags. Whoop -de -do.

Not everyone can be included no matter how big or small.

[Anonymous]

If i understood your post - she invited 3 of the 4 neighborhood girls which does create kind of a harsh dynamic. . . .

[Anonymous]

Submitted too soon.

Go to the other girl's mom. Tell her you've heard the talk. More than her daughter weren't invited. Due to the rumor mill, perhaps It's best if the girls spend less time together.

Unless of course you enjoy Desperate Housewives style drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, please tell us more details about the $150 per person party for 10 year olds.
I just have to know.
Food? Entertainment? What was in those goody bags?

Also, did your daughter have a special outfit for the party?

Sounds so fabulous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much entitlement. Op clearly you should have done a party somewhere that could involve all of her friends. Everyone must be invited.

Your post does come off a little.... snooty. So you spent $150 per person plus lavish gift bags. Whoop -de -do.

Not everyone can be included no matter how big or small.

no, I don't think everybody must be invited. At what point do you draw the line? And there are more than four girls in the neighborhood. Read the original posters post. I don't understand and I would never throw such an expensive party but it's not my money and not my prerogative. I don't see how people are so fast to dictate what other people do with their money and time . Somebody mentioned calling at the mom in addressing the rumor mill and this might not be a bad move. Especially since truly it was not a slight on her daughter but more of limitations for your budget, etc. .

[Anonymous]

OP - you did exclude her. Clearly you felt your reasons were justified and that's your prerogative, so just own that. I'd leave it be unless mom talks to you directly.

[Anonymous]

Just let this blow over. You weren't wrong but you did nothing to avoid this very forseeible situation, either. Your daughter hurt her friend's feelings. It happens. Talk to your own daughter about that and try to figure out what, if anything, she could do better next time. Will the children make up and remain friends? Will the uninvited girl find a new group of friends to play with? Only time will tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She invited her cousin, her 2 closest friends from the competitive sport team she's been playing for, 3 friends from school, 3 neighborhood friends, and a girl she's been friends with since they were little. She could have invited 10 other girls who she still considers close to her, but we set a max. In the neighborhood my daughter plays with 4 girls. She is close with 2 of them and we have all been neighbors for 5 years. The other girl's family moved to the neighborhood about a year ago. My daughter plays with the girl outside but she's not particularly close with her, and she was not one of the girls she invited.

OP of course you get to invite whoever you want, and complaining behind your back wasn't nice. But. It sounds like your daughter in fact plays with 5 girls in the neighborhood - 2 close five-year friends, 2 not-so-close five-year friends, and 1 not-so-close one year friend. Am I right?

If this is the case and given the parameters of your party, I would have invited only the 2 close neighborhood friends, but you invited 3. Knowing that the party included at least one not-so-close neighborhood friend, they are asking, "why not me too?"

My guess is that this will blow over if you are gracious about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those "you made your choice, accept the consequences" situations. OP chose to have an extremely fancy party and limit invitations in a way that pretty much guaranteed that the 4th neighbor girl would feel left out. That was OP's choice and arguably not unreasonable. But OP has to live with the ENTIRELY PREDICTABLE consequences of the girl feeling left out and the mother talking about it.

You don't get to both throw exclusive parties, and not have people hurt and upset when they don't get invited to your exclusive parties.

Agree with other PPs that the person you really hurt was your DD. You should have considered the social dynamics and allowed her to invite neighbor #4.

I think this is spot on. The fact that not only the other mom but other neighbors are talking about it shows exactly how this plays out.

[Anonymous]

On the upside, there are at least 10 "close" friends that were also not invited and who now know without a doubt that they don't rate high enough to make "the list".

Maybe next year, Op and her daughter will have a much smaller pool of friends to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

+1. Sounds like mission accomplished, you wanted an exclusive cool kids only event, you got it.

Do you think Op can really lack so much self-awareness? I feel like her post has to be fake. All the stupid details about how much everything was and how awesome it was so only a few select kids could make it. All that needed to be said was: we couldn't afford to host everybody so we had to make some decisions what do you guys think?

Uggh. Terrible.person.

[Anonymous]

People are allowed to throw the parties they want for their kids, in whatever manner and style they wish, with the guest list they choose. What is with this entitlement of my kid should be invited to every party? It's utter crap and contributes to all the candy-ass kids falling apart when the least thing doesn't go their way as adults. Sure, it sucks not to be invited but THAT'S LIFE.

As adults do we invite every adult we know? Nope. How did we learn to survive the blow? By experiencing it in childhood in the safety of our parents' care when they could explain to us that not everyone gets invited to everything.

[Anonymous]

That other mother shouldn't be blabbing about this to various people. If she has a problem with you she should have come to you directly. So immature.

[Anonymous]

1. You did nothing wrong. Please do not apologize or justify yourself to anyone.

2. You can do better next time.
What I do is customize the party to the circle of friends involved (mine, or my husband's, or the friends of our children, family, etc). This means that I do not separate friends or family members of equal importance who are part of the same social group because it inevitably leads to resentment. If my budget cannot accommodate that group, then I scale back the party rather than separate the group. It is always better to be socially sensitive, rather than focus too much on planning the perfect party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

+1. Sounds like mission accomplished, you wanted an exclusive cool kids only event, you got it.

Do you think Op can really lack so much self-awareness? I feel like her post has to be fake. All the stupid details about how much everything was and how awesome it was so only a few select kids could make it. All that needed to be said was: we couldn't afford to host everybody so we had to make some decisions what do you guys think?

Uggh. Terrible.person.

If Op's daughter was a big horse enthusiast, for example, and Op threw a horse riding birthday party complete with a tour of the stables, riding lessons for everyone, riding equipment, maybe a horse jumping show, the opportunity to help groom a horse, etc. Plus goody bags with pictures of each girl riding their horse included, etc. Would it be understandable that the invite list had to be pared down to a manageable size? Of course.

I don't think that Op is terrible at all. But she and her daughter could probably put more thought into their future invite lists.