Men why did you pick your wife?

[Anonymous]

Here's a different perspective from an older guy.

I was late to marry. I met my now-wife at 33, married at 37 and earlier this year, we celebrated 15 years marriage and are still happily together. Having watched a lot of friends getting married over the last 30 years, my take is that, while there are many guys who are simple to please, end up divorced sooner rather than later. The marriages that I've seen lasting longer, are ones where the partners actually share some common interests.

My mother told me many years ago that marriage takes work. Your love will wax and wane, so you need something in common to sustain the marriage through those times when the love wanes. This will help keep you together until the love returns. And I've found her to be right. Those couples who don't have mutual interests and truly like each other outside of the love, tend to have marriages that buckle when strained or stressed. The couples who have mutual interests and concerns for each other, work through the tough spots. Many of the marriages that I've seen where the guy is simple and easy to please end up discarded when the going gets rough and the guy moves on because it's easier than fighting to keep the marriage alive.

But to answer OP's question, I rejoined an activity that I had been involved with in college and my wife was a member of the group I joined. We hit it off early, started dating and have enjoyed our years together. We have several mutual interests that we still enjoy (harder to find time for them with kids, etc), but in general, it was our mutual interest that brought us together and kept us together through the dating/discovery phase of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, I haven't seen any responses mention the timing factor. From what I've observed and learned from my male friends over time (and DH's friends), it seems like timing plays a huge role in why a man chooses one woman over another (especially when all other factors seem relatively equal).

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, I haven't seen any responses mention the timing factor. From what I've observed and learned from my male friends over time (and DH's friends), it seems like timing plays a huge role in why a man chooses one woman over another (especially when all other factors seem relatively equal).

This.

Omg, you guys are such vacuous airheads !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

Well, it's either sociopathy and incredible immaturity, probably the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a different perspective from an older guy.

I was late to marry. I met my now-wife at 33, married at 37 and earlier this year, we celebrated 15 years marriage and are still happily together. Having watched a lot of friends getting married over the last 30 years, my take is that, while there are many guys who are simple to please, end up divorced sooner rather than later. The marriages that I've seen lasting longer, are ones where the partners actually share some common interests.

My mother told me many years ago that marriage takes work. Your love will wax and wane, so you need something in common to sustain the marriage through those times when the love wanes. This will help keep you together until the love returns. And I've found her to be right. Those couples who don't have mutual interests and truly like each other outside of the love, tend to have marriages that buckle when strained or stressed. The couples who have mutual interests and concerns for each other, work through the tough spots. Many of the marriages that I've seen where the guy is simple and easy to please end up discarded when the going gets rough and the guy moves on because it's easier than fighting to keep the marriage alive.

But to answer OP's question, I rejoined an activity that I had been involved with in college and my wife was a member of the group I joined. We hit it off early, started dating and have enjoyed our years together. We have several mutual interests that we still enjoy (harder to find time for them with kids, etc), but in general, it was our mutual interest that brought us together and kept us together through the dating/discovery phase of our relationship.

This. This is a decent man. With a good mother to boot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

Why the f would you want to get married again??

Because he's married to a good woman that improves his life. Apparently you're not.

I live by the maxim "If it flies, floats or f**ks, rent, don't buy". Can't be happier.

I pity you.

Don't waste your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, I haven't seen any responses mention the timing factor. From what I've observed and learned from my male friends over time (and DH's friends), it seems like timing plays a huge role in why a man chooses one woman over another (especially when all other factors seem relatively equal).

This.

Omg, you guys are such vacuous airheads !

What a thoughtful contribution to the discussion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, I haven't seen any responses mention the timing factor. From what I've observed and learned from my male friends over time (and DH's friends), it seems like timing plays a huge role in why a man chooses one woman over another (especially when all other factors seem relatively equal).

This.

It's like musical chairs. When the music stops, you sit down in the chair that happens to be closest to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

Certainly no spouse/SO is irreplaceable.

But anyway, you think you're "complicated" and special. You're not. Nobody is. If you weren't simple, you'd realize this.

I'm sorry you can't seem to comprehend what is being said. I guess you haven't experienced this comparison in types of relationships - do you have much dating experience?

LOL it is precisely because I DO have lots of dating experience that I comprehend how replaceable women are. Including special "complicated" snowflakes like you, toots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men do not have a list of 4,937 specific requirements their partner must satisfy, like women do. Once a woman clears the "good enough appearance" bar, and maybe the "not completely stupid" bar, she'll do fine for most guys.

Most men do not buy the One True Soulmate fantasy.

I thnk a lot of it for men is timing. that wife they are raving about now may not have interested them at 22 but at 30 they are ready to settle down and now she "checks the three main boxes" and boom-marriage time.

Heh you are projecting female attitudes onto men.

Age 22 - "I wanna have fun, no boring men!"

Age 30 - "Welp ready to have babies now, boom he'll do."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interestingly, I haven't seen any responses mention the timing factor. From what I've observed and learned from my male friends over time (and DH's friends), it seems like timing plays a huge role in why a man chooses one woman over another (especially when all other factors seem relatively equal).

This.

It's like musical chairs. When the music stops, you sit down in the chair that happens to be closest to you.

The same is true for many women. Many of my friends married the guy they were dating at the point in time when they felt they wanted a family. It is a matter of weighing the known vs the unknown and if the known seems to be a good enough option, then they go for it.

I was one of the ones that didn't do that. Broke up with the guy and went for the unknown and now I am still single at 40. A better alternative didn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

Certainly no spouse/SO is irreplaceable.

But anyway, you think you're "complicated" and special. You're not. Nobody is. If you weren't simple, you'd realize this.

I'm sorry you can't seem to comprehend what is being said. I guess you haven't experienced this comparison in types of relationships - do you have much dating experience?

LOL it is precisely because I DO have lots of dating experience that I comprehend how replaceable women are. Including special "complicated" snowflakes like you, toots.

Ahh le sigh. Please see the above post from the man who talks about his happy marriage, and about "simple men". I suppose it's clear what category you fall under

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good looking, intelligent, book lover, attracted to me, good morals, laughed at my jokes.

But if you get right down to it, I could certainly find all those other qualities in many other women. I don't think I was (or am) very complicated or picky. If she passed away or divorced me, she'd easily be replaced.

What a lucky lady.

I know, I know, you're just "being honest," why should you get slammed.

She is lucky. I'm a great guy. But I'm not irreplaceable either. Nobody is.

Oh wow, not true. Romantic partners aside, I can think of PLENTY of people in my life who are, without a doubt, irreplaceable.

I find it weird when people make comments like this...it's hard to understand how someone could actually feel the way. The only thing I can conclude is either that they must be 'simpler' than most people (or I must be a heck of a lot more complex...). I had one boyfriend who, I came to realize, was like this. He was a great guy, seemed like quite a catch in every way, but as I tried to get to know him better I realize there was just...nothing else there. Nothing deeper below the surface. He was a good-looking dude and successful, athletic, etc, but as time went on and I tried to get to know him better I realized that...that was it. Nothing below the surface - he was just a simple person. The protagonist in a country song, is you will. Happy go lucky, nice, perfectly pleasant. I would have been bored out of my skull if we ended up together. I need someone who is deeper and 3-dimensional and...interesting to me.

Certainly no spouse/SO is irreplaceable.

But anyway, you think you're "complicated" and special. You're not. Nobody is. If you weren't simple, you'd realize this.

I'm sorry you can't seem to comprehend what is being said. I guess you haven't experienced this comparison in types of relationships - do you have much dating experience?

LOL it is precisely because I DO have lots of dating experience that I comprehend how replaceable women are. Including special "complicated" snowflakes like you, toots.

Original "oh wow" commenter here. And no, I don't believe I'm rare and special or a "snowflake" (although way to give away your age!) - in my dating experience, people like you were actually the minority. But I was meeting and dating people at college/grad school and in well-educated circles and environments, so maybe that's why that was my experience. I'm not trying to insult you or say I'm some sort of special rare bird, it just astounds me that there are people who could honestly say "eh, if this person dies I'll just replace her with someone else who is hot and likes books". Or wait, I'm sorry...you even went as far as to say she would "EASILY be replaced". I find that baffling...I can't imagine what a surface level and profoundly unsatisfying relationship you must have if you truly feel that way. And if you truly feel that way and you're satisfied...well okay, yes, you are a simple person

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of people who marry the person they are standing closest to when they turn 30. I do think often it is a function of time... people look around and go 'oh, I'm supposed to be doing this... here we go'...

In other words, I don't think a lot of guys or people overthink it.

I dated a great guy for years who I could have been happy with... but like a PP stated... there was no 'deeper'... like a country music song like the pp said... just a kind mellow guy... if you said 'penny for your thoughts'... there were literally no thoughts... at some point that bugged me enough that I looked elsewhere and met DH. Not that the ex wasn't smart in his own way but I couldn't quite relate to his lack of engagement in conversations/even in his own life. I didn't mind running the show when I was with him... but then I thought 'what if I didn't have to run the show...' and I met DH.

Now if me and the ex bf had hit 30 and been together, we would probably have gotten married- whether or now we should is a different question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a different perspective from an older guy.

I was late to marry. I met my now-wife at 33, married at 37 and earlier this year, we celebrated 15 years marriage and are still happily together. Having watched a lot of friends getting married over the last 30 years, my take is that, while there are many guys who are simple to please, end up divorced sooner rather than later. The marriages that I've seen lasting longer, are ones where the partners actually share some common interests.

My mother told me many years ago that marriage takes work. Your love will wax and wane, so you need something in common to sustain the marriage through those times when the love wanes. This will help keep you together until the love returns. And I've found her to be right. Those couples who don't have mutual interests and truly like each other outside of the love, tend to have marriages that buckle when strained or stressed. The couples who have mutual interests and concerns for each other, work through the tough spots. Many of the marriages that I've seen where the guy is simple and easy to please end up discarded when the going gets rough and the guy moves on because it's easier than fighting to keep the marriage alive.

But to answer OP's question, I rejoined an activity that I had been involved with in college and my wife was a member of the group I joined. We hit it off early, started dating and have enjoyed our years together. We have several mutual interests that we still enjoy (harder to find time for them with kids, etc), but in general, it was our mutual interest that brought us together and kept us together through the dating/discovery phase of our relationship.

This is great! Love that story and your mother's advice...I think that's something more people need to hear. Thanks for sharing it