I want a divorce, how do I get my husband to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to have rose colored glasses on when it comes to the reality of divorce. Every case is different, but here is a likely outcome -

Your DH has probably been (or will be) advised not to move out. He doesn't want your attorney to use constructive abandonment as grounds. If you can't agree (either on your own or in mediation) on the house, a judge will likely order it sold. The proceeds will be distributed by a judge. You will get your kids 50% of the time. Depending on income, one of you may be ordered to pay child support.

Unless you and your DH agree on everything, you can expect to spend thousands of dollars on attorneys fees.

I do not habe Rose colored glasses on. That outcome would be perfectly fine. Why is everyone missing the part about me having no intentions to deny him whatever he wants financially? The problem is what he wants is this marriage that is sucking the life out of me.

Then you can end the marriage and file, just as multiple people on this thread have told you. What you seem to keep ignoring is that it is extremely unlikely that you can force him to move from the home. Based on the fact that he wants the the marriage to work, and would be worse off in a divorce settlement for leavhing he has NO impetus to move out. You're likely stuck with his presence during the separation period. You seem to be doing everything in your power to avoid hearing that while demeaning his financial contributions to your marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here, not in your jurisdiction. Although most jurisdictions have similar marital property laws.

You can't kick him out unless there is physical abuse and you can get a retraining order, so that doesn't seem to apply. At a minimum, you will owe him half of the appreciation of the house, if not half the value of the house. You may also owe him child support if you make more and potentially alimony. Add in the cost of two homes, etc. Now you see why so many people stay married.

Not questioning your wisdom for divorce, but you are going to be in for a surprise if you think this isn't going to cost you a hefty sum to him. Call a local lawyer you trust, they can explain the basics in an hour or two.

1/2 appreciation during marriage, minus 1/2 the taxes and interest.

There is no appreciation. I bought at the height of the market and then values bottomed up. The house "might"
Be worth what I could sell it for today...but there is no value to argue over, and I would be happy to sell and we both go our separate ways. Does anyone know if I can put I think on the market without his consent since his name is not on the title or on the finacing documents?

You're going to have a very similar problem come closing time if he doesn't agree to leave the house (to wherever you go or some place else) and you are unable to deliver possession of the house at closing. If all of his stuff is still there your buyer will probably refuse to close and may also sue you. I also doubt it will look good to a judge that you unilaterally decided to sell the family home. You could, perhaps, see if he would agree to downsize to a rented townhouse or something like that so that it would be easier for one of you to eventually leave and be able to afford two separate residences.

You really need to talk to a lawyer about negotiating a separation agreement that would dictate the right to possession of the house and payment of the mortgage expense.

[Anonymous]

Do the following, exactly: Do. Not. Deviate. Or. Improvise.

Get him really mad at you about something, then call the police.

Tell them you're in fear for your life, from your husband.

DO NOT STATE A SPECIFIC THREAT, unless he makes one. Simply being in fear for your life is enough.

They will remove him from the home pursuant to a TRO being granted. If he resists in any way (pray he does!) they will arrest him. If he resists arrest (pray he does, again!) they may use force.

Once he's out of the home, he can't come back. If he does, he's in violation, and gets arrested. Also, be sure to notify his employer that he is under a restraining order. You might get lucky and they may take action against him at work, too. You never know, it's worth a try.

Begin your 1-year separation period. Do not contact him at all. If he contacts you, call the police immediately and tell them "you feel threatened and fear for your safety". Exactly those words, no variation.

Good luck.

Now get that SOB mad so you can start the process

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the following, exactly: Do. Not. Deviate. Or. Improvise.

Get him really mad at you about something, then call the police.

Tell them you're in fear for your life, from your husband.

DO NOT STATE A SPECIFIC THREAT, unless he makes one. Simply being in fear for your life is enough.

They will remove him from the home pursuant to a TRO being granted. If he resists in any way (pray he does!) they will arrest him. If he resists arrest (pray he does, again!) they may use force.

Once he's out of the home, he can't come back. If he does, he's in violation, and gets arrested. Also, be sure to notify his employer that he is under a restraining order. You might get lucky and they may take action against him at work, too. You never know, it's worth a try.

Begin your 1-year separation period. Do not contact him at all. If he contacts you, call the police immediately and tell them "you feel threatened and fear for your safety". Exactly those words, no variation.

Good luck.

Now get that SOB mad so you can start the process

This seems unnecessarily cruel and has the potential to ruin his professional career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is not on the title you can evict him. My friend was evicted from her home when her H filed for divorce, she was not on the title, but she was cheating so that might have played into it.

Get a lawyer, they can tell you how to do it.

That is just not true. You cannot "evict" your spouse regardless of whose name is on the title. Cheating makes no difference. I guarantee you there is a lot more to that story.

Your wish this isn't true doesn't make it not true.

In VA my friend was widowed, the house was in H name. His parents got the house not his wife.

In a death, the property is distributed based on the will. more complicated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the following, exactly: Do. Not. Deviate. Or. Improvise.

Get him really mad at you about something, then call the police.

Tell them you're in fear for your life, from your husband.

DO NOT STATE A SPECIFIC THREAT, unless he makes one. Simply being in fear for your life is enough.

They will remove him from the home pursuant to a TRO being granted. If he resists in any way (pray he does!) they will arrest him. If he resists arrest (pray he does, again!) they may use force.

Once he's out of the home, he can't come back. If he does, he's in violation, and gets arrested. Also, be sure to notify his employer that he is under a restraining order. You might get lucky and they may take action against him at work, too. You never know, it's worth a try.

Begin your 1-year separation period. Do not contact him at all. If he contacts you, call the police immediately and tell them "you feel threatened and fear for your safety". Exactly those words, no variation.

Good luck.

Now get that SOB mad so you can start the process

This seems unnecessarily cruel and has the potential to ruin his professional career.

Pretty sure it is in jest. At least I hope so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is not on the title you can evict him. My friend was evicted from her home when her H filed for divorce, she was not on the title, but she was cheating so that might have played into it.

Get a lawyer, they can tell you how to do it.

That is just not true. You cannot "evict" your spouse regardless of whose name is on the title. Cheating makes no difference. I guarantee you there is a lot more to that story.

Your wish this isn't true doesn't make it not true.

In VA my friend was widowed, the house was in H name. His parents got the house not his wife.

In a death, the property is distributed based on the will. more complicated

And even without a will, the law in Virginia has assets going to spouse and children, not parents. This story doesn't add up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the following, exactly: Do. Not. Deviate. Or. Improvise.

Get him really mad at you about something, then call the police.

Tell them you're in fear for your life, from your husband.

DO NOT STATE A SPECIFIC THREAT, unless he makes one. Simply being in fear for your life is enough.

They will remove him from the home pursuant to a TRO being granted. If he resists in any way (pray he does!) they will arrest him. If he resists arrest (pray he does, again!) they may use force.

Once he's out of the home, he can't come back. If he does, he's in violation, and gets arrested. Also, be sure to notify his employer that he is under a restraining order. You might get lucky and they may take action against him at work, too. You never know, it's worth a try.

Begin your 1-year separation period. Do not contact him at all. If he contacts you, call the police immediately and tell them "you feel threatened and fear for your safety". Exactly those words, no variation.

Good luck.

Now get that SOB mad so you can start the process

This seems unnecessarily cruel and has the potential to ruin his professional career.

Don't really care about him. This is about helping her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to have rose colored glasses on when it comes to the reality of divorce. Every case is different, but here is a likely outcome -

Your DH has probably been (or will be) advised not to move out. He doesn't want your attorney to use constructive abandonment as grounds. If you can't agree (either on your own or in mediation) on the house, a judge will likely order it sold. The proceeds will be distributed by a judge. You will get your kids 50% of the time. Depending on income, one of you may be ordered to pay child support.

Unless you and your DH agree on everything, you can expect to spend thousands of dollars on attorneys fees.

I do not habe Rose colored glasses on. That outcome would be perfectly fine. Why is everyone missing the part about me having no intentions to deny him whatever he wants financially? The problem is what he wants is this marriage that is sucking the life out of me.

OP: what's your new boyfriend's name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the following, exactly: Do. Not. Deviate. Or. Improvise.

Get him really mad at you about something, then call the police.

Tell them you're in fear for your life, from your husband.

DO NOT STATE A SPECIFIC THREAT, unless he makes one. Simply being in fear for your life is enough.

They will remove him from the home pursuant to a TRO being granted. If he resists in any way (pray he does!) they will arrest him. If he resists arrest (pray he does, again!) they may use force.

Once he's out of the home, he can't come back. If he does, he's in violation, and gets arrested. Also, be sure to notify his employer that he is under a restraining order. You might get lucky and they may take action against him at work, too. You never know, it's worth a try.

Begin your 1-year separation period. Do not contact him at all. If he contacts you, call the police immediately and tell them "you feel threatened and fear for your safety". Exactly those words, no variation.

Good luck.

Now get that SOB mad so you can start the process

Note, if this goes wrong and they at all find no reason for the call this will seriously come back to F#@% you over in the actual divorce. Don't take stupid advice like this. Act like an adult, consult a lawyer, follow lawyers advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying you pay the mortgage. You don't. You both pay for it, just like you both pay for cars and vacations.

What is the reason you want to divorce?

I do pay the mortgage. WE don't. We have separate accounts and finances. He considers my money mine and his money his. That was not at my request or insistence, but at his.

My marriage was much like your's except that my exDW considered her money her's and my money her's as well. I paid the mortgage, utilities, and maintenance on the house but the judge didn't care--she got half the equity anyway. I was never compensated for my sweat equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to have rose colored glasses on when it comes to the reality of divorce. Every case is different, but here is a likely outcome -
Your DH has probably been (or will be) advised not to move out. He doesn't want your attorney to use constructive abandonment as grounds. If you can't agree (either on your own or in mediation) on the house, a judge will likely order it sold. The proceeds will be distributed by a judge. You will get your kids 50% of the time. Depending on income, one of you may be ordered to pay child support.

Unless you and your DH agree on everything, you can expect to spend thousands of dollars on attorneys fees.

Before the house is sold, the judge may let your exDH (even after the divorce) live for free in the house for up to three years while you continue to pay the mortgage. That happened to me in Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the following, exactly: Do. Not. Deviate. Or. Improvise.

Get him really mad at you about something, then call the police.

Tell them you're in fear for your life, from your husband.

DO NOT STATE A SPECIFIC THREAT, unless he makes one. Simply being in fear for your life is enough.

They will remove him from the home pursuant to a TRO being granted. If he resists in any way (pray he does!) they will arrest him. If he resists arrest (pray he does, again!) they may use force.

Once he's out of the home, he can't come back. If he does, he's in violation, and gets arrested. Also, be sure to notify his employer that he is under a restraining order. You might get lucky and they may take action against him at work, too. You never know, it's worth a try.

Begin your 1-year separation period. Do not contact him at all. If he contacts you, call the police immediately and tell them "you feel threatened and fear for your safety". Exactly those words, no variation.

Good luck.

Now get that SOB mad so you can start the process

Note, if this goes wrong and they at all find no reason for the call this will seriously come back to F#@% you over in the actual divorce. Don't take stupid advice like this. Act like an adult, consult a lawyer, follow lawyers advice.

This is why is critical to use VERY SPECIFIC LANGUAGE, as outlined above, to avoid any possible issues.

If you use precisely this exact phrasing, without deviation, it will work. If you improvise or start getting into specifics, it will fail. Stick to the script and law enforcement MUST respond accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying you pay the mortgage. You don't. You both pay for it, just like you both pay for cars and vacations.

What is the reason you want to divorce?

I do pay the mortgage. WE don't. We have separate accounts and finances. He considers my money mine and his money his. That was not at my request or insistence, but at his.

It doesn't matter what either of you think is true. From a legal point of view, you jointly pay that mortgage as a married partnership.

Again, imagine a husband who is the wage earner wanting to divorce a SAHM. Would you agree, in that case, that she has absolutely no claim on the house because "he pays the mortgage with his money"?

I never said he had no claim...nor do I want to deny him whatever he would be entitled to. I just want to live in peace, and living under the same roof with him is the antithesis of that.

I don't understand this comparison to a SAHM. He has a job and makes good money, it's not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here, not in your jurisdiction. Although most jurisdictions have similar marital property laws.

You can't kick him out unless there is physical abuse and you can get a retraining order, so that doesn't seem to apply. At a minimum, you will owe him half of the appreciation of the house, if not half the value of the house. You may also owe him child support if you make more and potentially alimony. Add in the cost of two homes, etc. Now you see why so many people stay married.

Not questioning your wisdom for divorce, but you are going to be in for a surprise if you think this isn't going to cost you a hefty sum to him. Call a local lawyer you trust, they can explain the basics in an hour or two.

1/2 appreciation during marriage, minus 1/2 the taxes and interest.

Reqding is fundamental.

She said the house is underwater.