I want a divorce, how do I get my husband to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying you pay the mortgage. You don't. You both pay for it, just like you both pay for cars and vacations.

What is the reason you want to divorce?

I do pay the mortgage. WE don't. We have separate accounts and finances. He considers my money mine and his money his. That was not at my request or insistence, but at his.

I want a divorce because it is a bad marriage. We do not have any thing in common and all we do is argue and fight. It is exhausting and depressing, and no I do not believe marriage counseling will work because we are both who we are and neither of us are going to change. I also hate that my children are living with our drama. They deserve better. They deserve to have happy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying you pay the mortgage. You don't. You both pay for it, just like you both pay for cars and vacations.

What is the reason you want to divorce?

I do pay the mortgage. WE don't. We have separate accounts and finances. He considers my money mine and his money his. That was not at my request or insistence, but at his.

I want a divorce because it is a bad marriage. We do not have any thing in common and all we do is argue and fight. It is exhausting and depressing, and no I do not believe marriage counseling will work because we are both who we are and neither of us are going to change. I also hate that my children are living with our drama. They deserve better. They deserve to have happy parents.

Maybe you should have tried actually being a family. Why did you get married to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you told him that you want a divorce and would like him to leave?

I have and he becomes non-responsive. Again, he thinks all of the arguing and unhappiness is normal and a part of marriage. In his mind, we don't have a reason to divorce.

It is entirely possible his lawyer has advised him not to move out, and also advised him not to fight with you about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, one question is: do you have kids, and if so, what custody arrangement do you envision? Custody is a huge factor in whether or not you can get him to move. Perhaps, if he gets to take the kids with him, he'd be more willing to move out.

Yes we have kids. I envision joint legal custody and 50/50 physical custody. He would not want to take them for 100% of the time. Him not wanting to move is not directly related to the kids, its because he thinks our marriage and life is normal.

But nevertheless, any lawyer will tell him that moving out is a bad idea and makes it harder for him to get 50/50 custody.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer here, not in your jurisdiction. Although most jurisdictions have similar marital property laws.

You can't kick him out unless there is physical abuse and you can get a retraining order, so that doesn't seem to apply. At a minimum, you will owe him half of the appreciation of the house, if not half the value of the house. You may also owe him child support if you make more and potentially alimony. Add in the cost of two homes, etc. Now you see why so many people stay married.

Not questioning your wisdom for divorce, but you are going to be in for a surprise if you think this isn't going to cost you a hefty sum to him. Call a local lawyer you trust, they can explain the basics in an hour or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying you pay the mortgage. You don't. You both pay for it, just like you both pay for cars and vacations.

What is the reason you want to divorce?

I do pay the mortgage. WE don't. We have separate accounts and finances. He considers my money mine and his money his. That was not at my request or insistence, but at his.

I want a divorce because it is a bad marriage. We do not have any thing in common and all we do is argue and fight. It is exhausting and depressing, and no I do not believe marriage counseling will work because we are both who we are and neither of us are going to change. I also hate that my children are living with our drama. They deserve better. They deserve to have happy parents.

Maybe you should have tried actually being a family. Why did you get married to begin with?

We did and he gambled away $2000 of our money without me knowing. After that we agreed to separate accounts. No he doesn't have an gambling problem, that was the only time he tried to gamble, and he got caught up in some stupid card scam game. We got married almost 10 years ago when I thought we were compatible. We have known each other for over 20 years, but living with someone shows you sides of personyou wouldn't otherwise see. Obviously getting married was a big mistake. The only good to come out of it are our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying you pay the mortgage. You don't. You both pay for it, just like you both pay for cars and vacations.

What is the reason you want to divorce?

I do pay the mortgage. WE don't. We have separate accounts and finances. He considers my money mine and his money his. That was not at my request or insistence, but at his.

It doesn't matter what either of you think is true. From a legal point of view, you jointly pay that mortgage as a married partnership.

Again, imagine a husband who is the wage earner wanting to divorce a SAHM. Would you agree, in that case, that she has absolutely no claim on the house because "he pays the mortgage with his money"?

[Anonymous]

See a lawyer. Get a separation agreement that requires him to leave. Change the locks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you told him that you want a divorce and would like him to leave?

I have and he becomes non-responsive. Again, he thinks all of the arguing and unhappiness is normal and a part of marriage. In his mind, we don't have a reason to divorce.

It is entirely possible his lawyer has advised him not to move out, and also advised him not to fight with you about it.

He doesn't have a lawyer. That I am 100% sure of. He is in denial that this marriage is working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here, not in your jurisdiction. Although most jurisdictions have similar marital property laws.

You can't kick him out unless there is physical abuse and you can get a retraining order, so that doesn't seem to apply. At a minimum, you will owe him half of the appreciation of the house, if not half the value of the house. You may also owe him child support if you make more and potentially alimony. Add in the cost of two homes, etc. Now you see why so many people stay married.

Not questioning your wisdom for divorce, but you are going to be in for a surprise if you think this isn't going to cost you a hefty sum to him. Call a local lawyer you trust, they can explain the basics in an hour or two.

1/2 appreciation during marriage, minus 1/2 the taxes and interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here, not in your jurisdiction. Although most jurisdictions have similar marital property laws.

You can't kick him out unless there is physical abuse and you can get a retraining order, so that doesn't seem to apply. At a minimum, you will owe him half of the appreciation of the house, if not half the value of the house. You may also owe him child support if you make more and potentially alimony. Add in the cost of two homes, etc. Now you see why so many people stay married.

Not questioning your wisdom for divorce, but you are going to be in for a surprise if you think this isn't going to cost you a hefty sum to him. Call a local lawyer you trust, they can explain the basics in an hour or two.

I know it will probably cost, and I am OK with that. My piece of mind and sanity is priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop saying you pay the mortgage. You don't. You both pay for it, just like you both pay for cars and vacations.

What is the reason you want to divorce?

I do pay the mortgage. WE don't. We have separate accounts and finances. He considers my money mine and his money his. That was not at my request or insistence, but at his.

It doesn't matter what either of you think is true. From a legal point of view, you jointly pay that mortgage as a married partnership.

Again, imagine a husband who is the wage earner wanting to divorce a SAHM. Would you agree, in that case, that she has absolutely no claim on the house because "he pays the mortgage with his money"?

I never said he had no claim...nor do I want to deny him whatever he would be entitled to. I just want to live in peace, and living under the same roof with him is the antithesis of that.

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem to have rose colored glasses on when it comes to the reality of divorce. Every case is different, but here is a likely outcome -

Your DH has probably been (or will be) advised not to move out. He doesn't want your attorney to use constructive abandonment as grounds. If you can't agree (either on your own or in mediation) on the house, a judge will likely order it sold. The proceeds will be distributed by a judge. You will get your kids 50% of the time. Depending on income, one of you may be ordered to pay child support.

Unless you and your DH agree on everything, you can expect to spend thousands of dollars on attorneys fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here, not in your jurisdiction. Although most jurisdictions have similar marital property laws.

You can't kick him out unless there is physical abuse and you can get a retraining order, so that doesn't seem to apply. At a minimum, you will owe him half of the appreciation of the house, if not half the value of the house. You may also owe him child support if you make more and potentially alimony. Add in the cost of two homes, etc. Now you see why so many people stay married.

Not questioning your wisdom for divorce, but you are going to be in for a surprise if you think this isn't going to cost you a hefty sum to him. Call a local lawyer you trust, they can explain the basics in an hour or two.

1/2 appreciation during marriage, minus 1/2 the taxes and interest.

There is no appreciation. I bought at the height of the market and then values bottomed up. The house "might"
Be worth what I could sell it for today...but there is no value to argue over, and I would be happy to sell and we both go our separate ways. Does anyone know if I can put I think on the market without his consent since his name is not on the title or on the finacing documents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to have rose colored glasses on when it comes to the reality of divorce. Every case is different, but here is a likely outcome -

Your DH has probably been (or will be) advised not to move out. He doesn't want your attorney to use constructive abandonment as grounds. If you can't agree (either on your own or in mediation) on the house, a judge will likely order it sold. The proceeds will be distributed by a judge. You will get your kids 50% of the time. Depending on income, one of you may be ordered to pay child support.

Unless you and your DH agree on everything, you can expect to spend thousands of dollars on attorneys fees.

I do not habe Rose colored glasses on. That outcome would be perfectly fine. Why is everyone missing the part about me having no intentions to deny him whatever he wants financially? The problem is what he wants is this marriage that is sucking the life out of me.