Spanking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

It's hardly "violent." If it were an angry, violent reaction or outburst, I certainly wouldn't allow it.

So people hit children when they're in good spirits?

Good spirits has nothing to do with it. The point is to not do it in a moment of anger, or because of anger.

And the reason to do it is because you are too lazy to use other, more work-intensive discipline methods with consistency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I don't spank/don't intend to. DH won't spank because he's a gentle guy and can't even imagine ever being able to bring himself to hit DD for any reason. I won't spank because my mother used to hit out of anger a LOT (which was exacerbated by her drinking problems) and I just don't trust myself not to do the same (even though I don't drink). It's easier for me to just have that bright red "Do Not Cross" line of no hitting whatsoever. I hid some things in my childhood from my mother out of fear of her reaction that I really needed her help with and I never want DD to feel afraid of me like that.

That's my own baggage though and I don't extrapolate that out to the parenting decisions of others.

That's fair. (OP here.) But realize that DH is the gentlest guy I've ever met.

A person who hits his child is not gentle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

My life is not violent. My kids are not violent. I'm not violent. We do not condone or practice any kind of violence in our home, including hitting as discipline.

Spanking is illegal in many countries. Legality doesn't make it right.

Sorry, but all of life is violent. Having so much when others have nothing - social violence. The struggle for resources is violent. The quest to succeed is violent. You can pretend not to be caught up in it, but we all are.

Do list all the countries where spanking is prosecuted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

It's hardly "violent." If it were an angry, violent reaction or outburst, I certainly wouldn't allow it.

Physical assault is violent by definition.

It's not assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I don't spank/don't intend to. DH won't spank because he's a gentle guy and can't even imagine ever being able to bring himself to hit DD for any reason. I won't spank because my mother used to hit out of anger a LOT (which was exacerbated by her drinking problems) and I just don't trust myself not to do the same (even though I don't drink). It's easier for me to just have that bright red "Do Not Cross" line of no hitting whatsoever. I hid some things in my childhood from my mother out of fear of her reaction that I really needed her help with and I never want DD to feel afraid of me like that.

That's my own baggage though and I don't extrapolate that out to the parenting decisions of others.

That's fair. (OP here.) But realize that DH is the gentlest guy I've ever met.

A person who hits his child is not gentle.

I'm the original PP of this thread and just want to make it clear this latest response isn't mine. I'm not passing judgement on whether or not OPs spouse is or is not a gentle person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

It's hardly "violent." If it were an angry, violent reaction or outburst, I certainly wouldn't allow it.

So people hit children when they're in good spirits?

Good spirits has nothing to do with it. The point is to not do it in a moment of anger, or because of anger.

And the reason to do it is because you are too lazy to use other, more work-intensive discipline methods with consistency.

I'd say the reason to do it is because it works, and we're not looking for more work-intensive discipline methods. We have a younger child, we both WOH. At some point, DS just needs to learn to obey, and he's not entitled to the most work-intensive means to make that happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I don't spank/don't intend to. DH won't spank because he's a gentle guy and can't even imagine ever being able to bring himself to hit DD for any reason. I won't spank because my mother used to hit out of anger a LOT (which was exacerbated by her drinking problems) and I just don't trust myself not to do the same (even though I don't drink). It's easier for me to just have that bright red "Do Not Cross" line of no hitting whatsoever. I hid some things in my childhood from my mother out of fear of her reaction that I really needed her help with and I never want DD to feel afraid of me like that.

That's my own baggage though and I don't extrapolate that out to the parenting decisions of others.

That's fair. (OP here.) But realize that DH is the gentlest guy I've ever met.

A person who hits his child is not gentle.

I'm the original PP of this thread and just want to make it clear this latest response isn't mine. I'm not passing judgement on whether or not OPs spouse is or is not a gentle person.

Thanks. I figured.

[Anonymous]

My DH spanks because he was spanked (actually, he was spanked and also hit with a switch. Thank god he doesn't do the latter) and he thinks it worked well for him. I disagree and I HATE when he spanks DC. It doesn't happen often but it never feels egregious enough to warrant a spanking and we also end up fighting about it. I actually wish I had put more stock in his stance on spanking before we had kids. On its premise I originally didn't disagree with it for egregious misbehavior, probably because I didn't understand since I was never spanked. But now it just rips me apart when it happens.

[Anonymous]

PP with spanking DH again. I will admit DC listens a bit better to DH than to me, which he throws in my face when we fight about spanking. So FWIW in his view it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH spanks because he was spanked (actually, he was spanked and also hit with a switch. Thank god he doesn't do the latter) and he thinks it worked well for him. I disagree and I HATE when he spanks DC. It doesn't happen often but it never feels egregious enough to warrant a spanking and we also end up fighting about it. I actually wish I had put more stock in his stance on spanking before we had kids. On its premise I originally didn't disagree with it for egregious misbehavior, probably because I didn't understand since I was never spanked. But now it just rips me apart when it happens.

What sort of behavior causes him to spank, and what kind of spanking is he doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

My life is not violent. My kids are not violent. I'm not violent. We do not condone or practice any kind of violence in our home, including hitting as discipline.

Spanking is illegal in many countries. Legality doesn't make it right.

I agree - of course the world is a violent place, but I can't relate to the PP's mindset. I've never been struck or otherwise physically harmed, nor have I ever struck or physically harmed another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP with spanking DH again. I will admit DC listens a bit better to DH than to me, which he throws in my face when we fight about spanking. So FWIW in his view it works.

How old is DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

My life is not violent. My kids are not violent. I'm not violent. We do not condone or practice any kind of violence in our home, including hitting as discipline.

Spanking is illegal in many countries. Legality doesn't make it right.

I agree - of course the world is a violent place, but I can't relate to the PP's mindset. I've never been struck or otherwise physically harmed, nor have I ever struck or physically harmed another person.

You've NEVER been struck? Never fooled around, wrestling, slapped anyone or been slapped? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

My life is not violent. My kids are not violent. I'm not violent. We do not condone or practice any kind of violence in our home, including hitting as discipline.

Spanking is illegal in many countries. Legality doesn't make it right.

I agree - of course the world is a violent place, but I can't relate to the PP's mindset. I've never been struck or otherwise physically harmed, nor have I ever struck or physically harmed another person.

You've NEVER been struck? Never fooled around, wrestling, slapped anyone or been slapped? Come on.

See.... I can't relate. Did you not have siblings? Have you not ever thrown anything in anger?

look, in a utopian world, I do not think people should spank. I don't think we live in that world. And I think we all have to deal with a lot of people every day who could use a spanking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

My life is not violent. My kids are not violent. I'm not violent. We do not condone or practice any kind of violence in our home, including hitting as discipline.

Spanking is illegal in many countries. Legality doesn't make it right.

I agree - of course the world is a violent place, but I can't relate to the PP's mindset. I've never been struck or otherwise physically harmed, nor have I ever struck or physically harmed another person.

You've NEVER been struck? Never fooled around, wrestling, slapped anyone or been slapped? Come on.

See.... I can't relate. Did you not have siblings? Have you not ever thrown anything in anger?

look, in a utopian world, I do not think people should spank. I don't think we live in that world. And I think we all have to deal with a lot of people every day who could use a spanking.

+1