Spanking?

[Anonymous]

What are your thoughts on spanking? We have a very sweet, but wild and sometimes disobedient 4 yo. Spanking was not something I remember my parents doing, but it was part of DH's childhood, and he has no problem with it. I was a little uncomfortable with it, but I have also seen that when DH spanks DS, the behavior stops, and to be honest, DS is fine 20 minutes later.

It seems to be a lot more effective than repeatedly taking DS to timeout, over and over and over, where he'll often not stay anyway. DH's opinion is that spanking that is done calmly, not out of anger, with an explanation before and after, is what makes it effective and not harmful.

Just wondering if anyone else feels the same way.

[Anonymous]

Get ready for the pitchforks, OP

[Anonymous]

Neither time out nor spanking work.

I mean, spanking will get your kid to do what you want because he's afraid, but is that really what you want?

[Anonymous]

Are you swatting him where he does not really feel it but it get his attention.

Or are you hitting hard so it hurts to deter him from doing X again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither time out nor spanking work.

I mean, spanking will get your kid to do what you want because he's afraid, but is that really what you want?

He doesn't come across as afraid of either of us. He never seems afraid of DH. I think he just doesn't want another spanking, which is probably the point, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither time out nor spanking work.

I mean, spanking will get your kid to do what you want because he's afraid, but is that really what you want?

Honestly, yes. Healthy fear can be a good thing. If it stops my child with little impulse control from running into the street, touching things that are very unsafe, etc., I am ok with fear stopping him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you swatting him where he does not really feel it but it get his attention.

Or are you hitting hard so it hurts to deter him from doing X again?

When DH does it, it's meant to hurt a little bit. He goes through the whole process.

[Anonymous]

If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.

[Anonymous]

If you're spanking more than once, clearly it's NOT working long-term. It only shocks the child out of the behavior in the moment.

I had a willful, high energy runner of a child who I never spanked. It was hard and frustrating and I had to think (and move) fast and creatively. But I am really proud of myself for breaking the pattern and never hitting her.

This is a good explanation of why I don't hit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TyaMaDw5p8

[Anonymous]

Of course, that's why I do it. You have to hit on (pun intended) the method of discipline that's right for you, and does not traumatize your kids. Problem is, sometimes kids act fine for years and then decide to resent you later, sometimes thanks to therapists, social media or significant other. So you have to accept that society has a great amount of influence on your parenting choices too.

As a rule of thumb, everything in moderation.

[Anonymous]

There are threads and threads on this. Some people are strongly for it and others are against it.

The science is pretty clear that it is not effective.

It is not a tool we use because I don't believe in hurting my children. I also don't want them to think physically harming people is an acceptable way to interact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.

To be fair, if you forced anyone else into timeout, you'd be charged with assault, or wrongful imprisonment, or something else.

[Anonymous]

There is a study that studied the effects of spanking for FIVE DECADES. It's harmful and you should not do it.

https://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are threads and threads on this. Some people are strongly for it and others are against it.

The science is pretty clear that it is not effective.

It is not a tool we use because I don't believe in hurting my children. I also don't want them to think physically harming people is an acceptable way to interact.

What do you mean the science is clear that it's not effective? Does that mean that if OP finds it effective, she should use it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a study that studied the effects of spanking for FIVE DECADES. It's harmful and you should not do it.

https://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers

Those don't control for the types of kids, the context in which it takes place, the type of home, socioeconomic background, etc. They control for nothing. That's not science.