Spanking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

It's hardly "violent." If it were an angry, violent reaction or outburst, I certainly wouldn't allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

You know, this is so true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.

I was spanked as a child and it taught me that hitting was an appropriate response to anger. I got into many fistfights in middle school. I usually came out on top because, from all those spankings I got from a person much larger than me, I learned how to take hits. Do you want this for your kid?

Are you a man or woman? What kind of spanking are you talking about here?[/quote


I am a woman. Most of the time, it was a swat of the hand on my butt. A couple times a wooden spoon was used. I would guess I got spanked between 10-20 times. I remember feeling humiliated and suppressing anger and hurt. By the time I reached middle school, I was too big for spankings and no punishment was worse, ime. If there was a problem at school, I went straight to fighting.
When I was pregnant with my child, I couldn't believe my parents would have hit me. I hold no grudge or anger at them. I understand that was the advice at the time. Today, most parenting experts advise against it. At least I hope they do.

Good God. This is nonsense. I was spanked regularly as a child and certainly never got in fistfights. Like the overwhelming majority of people. You are really, really reaching here. Sorry, but this is totally justification reasoning. You clearly had anger issues. It is not clear that those were tied to swats on your butt as a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.

I was spanked as a child and it taught me that hitting was an appropriate response to anger. I got into many fistfights in middle school. I usually came out on top because, from all those spankings I got from a person much larger than me, I learned how to take hits. Do you want this for your kid?

Are you a man or woman? What kind of spanking are you talking about here?[/quote


I am a woman. Most of the time, it was a swat of the hand on my butt. A couple times a wooden spoon was used. I would guess I got spanked between 10-20 times. I remember feeling humiliated and suppressing anger and hurt. By the time I reached middle school, I was too big for spankings and no punishment was worse, ime. If there was a problem at school, I went straight to fighting.
When I was pregnant with my child, I couldn't believe my parents would have hit me. I hold no grudge or anger at them. I understand that was the advice at the time. Today, most parenting experts advise against it. At least I hope they do.

Good God. This is nonsense. I was spanked regularly as a child and certainly never got in fistfights. Like the overwhelming majority of people. You are really, really reaching here. Sorry, but this is totally justification reasoning. You clearly had anger issues. It is not clear that those were tied to swats on your butt as a child.

NP. I have to agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are threads and threads on this. Some people are strongly for it and others are against it.

The science is pretty clear that it is not effective.

It is not a tool we use because I don't believe in hurting my children. I also don't want them to think physically harming people is an acceptable way to interact.

What do you mean the science is clear that it's not effective? Does that mean that if OP finds it effective, she should use it?

Working in the moment because a child is stunned, in pain, etc is not the same as long term effectiveness.

To the person who said the study referenced by another OP isn't controlled. There isn't a scientifically ethically way to conduct a controlled study on spanking. So longitudinal and other methodologies have to be utilized. It doesn't mean it is worthless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are threads and threads on this. Some people are strongly for it and others are against it.

The science is pretty clear that it is not effective.

It is not a tool we use because I don't believe in hurting my children. I also don't want them to think physically harming people is an acceptable way to interact.

What do you mean the science is clear that it's not effective? Does that mean that if OP finds it effective, she should use it?

Working in the moment because a child is stunned, in pain, etc is not the same as long term effectiveness.

To the person who said the study referenced by another OP isn't controlled. There isn't a scientifically ethically way to conduct a controlled study on spanking. So longitudinal and other methodologies have to be utilized. It doesn't mean it is worthless.

It's worthless when they make no effort to control for a thousand other behavioral, demographic, and socioeconomic factors. Are the kids having worse outcomes because they were spanked, or because they were born with poor impulse control, which led to bad outcomes, and also happened to lead to more spanking along the way. And they don't control for the way the spanking is carried out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

It's hardly "violent." If it were an angry, violent reaction or outburst, I certainly wouldn't allow it.

So people hit children when they're in good spirits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.

I was spanked as a child and it taught me that hitting was an appropriate response to anger. I got into many fistfights in middle school. I usually came out on top because, from all those spankings I got from a person much larger than me, I learned how to take hits. Do you want this for your kid?

Are you a man or woman? What kind of spanking are you talking about here?[/quote


I am a woman. Most of the time, it was a swat of the hand on my butt. A couple times a wooden spoon was used. I would guess I got spanked between 10-20 times. I remember feeling humiliated and suppressing anger and hurt. By the time I reached middle school, I was too big for spankings and no punishment was worse, ime. If there was a problem at school, I went straight to fighting.
When I was pregnant with my child, I couldn't believe my parents would have hit me. I hold no grudge or anger at them. I understand that was the advice at the time. Today, most parenting experts advise against it. At least I hope they do.

Good God. This is nonsense. I was spanked regularly as a child and certainly never got in fistfights. Like the overwhelming majority of people. You are really, really reaching here. Sorry, but this is totally justification reasoning. You clearly had anger issues. It is not clear that those were tied to swats on your butt as a child.

You might not have got into fistfights, but you turned into a heartless bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

It's hardly "violent." If it were an angry, violent reaction or outburst, I certainly wouldn't allow it.

So people hit children when they're in good spirits?

Good spirits has nothing to do with it. The point is to not do it in a moment of anger, or because of anger.

[Anonymous]

DH and I don't spank/don't intend to. DH won't spank because he's a gentle guy and can't even imagine ever being able to bring himself to hit DD for any reason. I won't spank because my mother used to hit out of anger a LOT (which was exacerbated by her drinking problems) and I just don't trust myself not to do the same (even though I don't drink). It's easier for me to just have that bright red "Do Not Cross" line of no hitting whatsoever. I hid some things in my childhood from my mother out of fear of her reaction that I really needed her help with and I never want DD to feel afraid of me like that.

That's my own baggage though and I don't extrapolate that out to the parenting decisions of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.

I was spanked as a child and it taught me that hitting was an appropriate response to anger. I got into many fistfights in middle school. I usually came out on top because, from all those spankings I got from a person much larger than me, I learned how to take hits. Do you want this for your kid?

Are you a man or woman? What kind of spanking are you talking about here?[/quote


I am a woman. Most of the time, it was a swat of the hand on my butt. A couple times a wooden spoon was used. I would guess I got spanked between 10-20 times. I remember feeling humiliated and suppressing anger and hurt. By the time I reached middle school, I was too big for spankings and no punishment was worse, ime. If there was a problem at school, I went straight to fighting.
When I was pregnant with my child, I couldn't believe my parents would have hit me. I hold no grudge or anger at them. I understand that was the advice at the time. Today, most parenting experts advise against it. At least I hope they do.

Good God. This is nonsense. I was spanked regularly as a child and certainly never got in fistfights. Like the overwhelming majority of people. You are really, really reaching here. Sorry, but this is totally justification reasoning. You clearly had anger issues. It is not clear that those were tied to swats on your butt as a child.

You might not have got into fistfights, but you turned into a heartless bitch.

Uh, no. Just a person who isn't a giant victim and doesn't think all of her behaviors and life decisions can be blamed on her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

Life is violent. Kids are violent. Some kids don't respond to the modern forms of discipline. Some kids do actually need to be a bit fearful of authority.

My life is not violent. My kids are not violent. I'm not violent. We do not condone or practice any kind of violence in our home, including hitting as discipline.

Spanking is illegal in many countries. Legality doesn't make it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I don't spank/don't intend to. DH won't spank because he's a gentle guy and can't even imagine ever being able to bring himself to hit DD for any reason. I won't spank because my mother used to hit out of anger a LOT (which was exacerbated by her drinking problems) and I just don't trust myself not to do the same (even though I don't drink). It's easier for me to just have that bright red "Do Not Cross" line of no hitting whatsoever. I hid some things in my childhood from my mother out of fear of her reaction that I really needed her help with and I never want DD to feel afraid of me like that.

That's my own baggage though and I don't extrapolate that out to the parenting decisions of others.

That's fair. (OP here.) But realize that DH is the gentlest guy I've ever met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.

It's hardly "violent." If it were an angry, violent reaction or outburst, I certainly wouldn't allow it.

Physical assault is violent by definition.