DH and I don't drink: how to unwind/get romantic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone says find a sex therapist and yet no one can recommend and affordable one that's taking new patients.

Yes... that's because not many people need that kind of specialist, yet most of us know which expert is needed for which disease. Heart problem, cardiologist. Thyroid, endocrinologist. Etc, etc. No orgasm, libido issues? Sex therapist. Doesn't that seem logical to you?

And, perhaps you can do the search yourself, since you're the patient?

Perhaps you can be less of an ass? Are are you this obtuse when people ask for doctor recommendations on here as well? Unbelievable...

Not obtuse, you just seem very whiny about this. Take charge.

OP here, this wasn't my response. But thank you for saying I'm whiny.

Really? This is the only thing you responded to?

I don't want to jump on OP, as this sounds like a super frustrating and gut-wrenching situation. But OP, I have to agree. You're getting some good, thoughtful advice here from people who have likely been in your shoes (I know I have). The more information/insight you're comfortable sharing, the more we can try to help. Ignore the useless or insulting posts and focus your energy and attention on the folks who want to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy a vibrator. That's how I learned what felt good enough to give me an orgasm.

100% this. Figure out what does it for you. Often penetration alone won't.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're not broken. At some point, an expensive sex therapist is going to suggest you buy a vibrator and learn to masturbate to orgasm. I'd highly recommend a vibrator from Lelo.

As far as your husband goes, I'd recommend he start with a visit to his primary care doc for a physical that includes having his testosterone levels checked.

Several related questions: 1) how often do you and your husband have sex?; 2) does he perform oral sex on you?; 3) does he know you've never orgasmed?

[Anonymous]

Get a hitachi Magic Wand. You will have an orgasm.

[Anonymous]

OP here, yes he knows now. I was faking for a long time thinking there was just something wrong with me. We have sex maybe once every three to four months and usually the entire time it's focused on not making him climax in under five strokes. He does perform oral sex on me but he doesn't really seem interested in it that much. And when he is it's almost lie here's too much pressure on me to enjoy it. And I can't, really.

He's had his testosterone checked and I've had hormone levels checked. Both normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, yes he knows now. I was faking for a long time thinking there was just something wrong with me. We have sex maybe once every three to four months and usually the entire time it's focused on not making him climax in under five strokes. He does perform oral sex on me but he doesn't really seem interested in it that much. And when he is it's almost lie here's too much pressure on me to enjoy it. And I can't, really.

He's had his testosterone checked and I've had hormone levels checked. Both normal.

Blerg. Definitely explore on your own. I think the magic wand is intense for my needs but it might work for you. If you have a hand held shower head you should try that. If porn is outside of your comfort zone, a book of erotic stories might help. I think it's really important to work on getting both your mind and your body in the mood.

That exploration may give you clarity about whether you want to be in a sexless marriage-as you are currently. Maybe you'll decide that sex isn't a big deal to you and you are okay with your current pattern. Or maybe you will need to have a serious conversation with your DH-honestly his current effort sounds pathetic to me, and it is completely fair to tell him that you need to work together to create a marriage that is sexually fulfilling for you. Or maybe it will turn out that he is not the sexual partner you need and you either need to look outside the marriage (hopefully with his consent) or end the marriage.

I have a friend who just ended her marriage that had been sexless for 14 years (her spouse's choice). It was a really hard decision to make, but she is so happy now that it's decided.

Wishing you all the best on this journey!