DH and I don't drink: how to unwind/get romantic

[Anonymous]

I would recommend a vibrator to use with your partner so that you both can see what you like.

[Anonymous]

We rarely drink as I have a medical condition. A hot bath makes me relax as much as a glass of wine.

[Anonymous]

why did you marry ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't drink either and quite frankly... we do not have the issues you've mentioned. Your concerns are not the consequence of a "dry lifestyle." 39 years old and never??? How can that possibly be?

Agreed. I actually prefer neither of us having drank any alcohol before doing it. Excuse I hate beer taste and smell in him. No problems here. We usually cuddle on the couch and watch TV together, laugh and talk, and go to bed at the same time, and it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't drink either and quite frankly... we do not have the issues you've mentioned. Your concerns are not the consequence of a "dry lifestyle." 39 years old and never??? How can that possibly be?

Not surprising. I know many women in that situation.

My friend who grew up in a strict (non-Abrahamic religion) household. She married at 18 and learned about sex from her mother after the ceremony. The first time she actually saw a penis was after she had a baby.

A cousin who has seen a sex therapist and still can't.

My former SIL who was an atheist, but was almost raped when abducted at age 17 and fears loss of control.

Female plumbing is complex. Add any emotional or mental barriers and it's hard. Top all that with work stress, kids underfoot, health issues, etc. Well, somethings you can't vibrate away.

I figured it out around age 30.

[Anonymous]

If you have kids-make sure you have time alone as a couple (with no screens, unless you're interested in watching porn together).

A short walk and then just sitting together someplace that's naturally beautiful with not many people around.

Lying around together barely clothed in a warm room.

Massage.

Like some of the pps, I'm curious about whether no orgasm is with a partner or alone? If you haven't had an orgasm alone, have you spent some time alone trying, read some books and used a vibrator? I like the Good Vibrations site-it sells books and sex toys, women owned, and anything they ship or list on your credit card statement has some neutral name that does not sound like a sex shop.
http://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/c/gv014/books-erotica

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't drink either and quite frankly... we do not have the issues you've mentioned. Your concerns are not the consequence of a "dry lifestyle." 39 years old and never??? How can that possibly be?

Not surprising. I know many women in that situation.

My friend who grew up in a strict (non-Abrahamic religion) household. She married at 18 and learned about sex from her mother after the ceremony. The first time she actually saw a penis was after she had a baby.

A cousin who has seen a sex therapist and still can't.

My former SIL who was an atheist, but was almost raped when abducted at age 17 and fears loss of control.

Female plumbing is complex. Add any emotional or mental barriers and it's hard. Top all that with work stress, kids underfoot, health issues, etc. Well, somethings you can't vibrate away.

I figured it out around age 30.

How did she get pregnant and not see a penis?

[Anonymous]

You need to push outside you comfort zone. In this case, that might mean something as simple as skinny dipping. That should spark something and give you a point of reference to stir you up or keep your sparking once you get home.

Maybe each of you writes down a couple fantasies on pieces of paper, fold them up and place them in a hat. Then plan a dinner, something you both enjoy, you pick his attire and he picks yours. The goal being to pick something that stirs your attraction. Sit down to a romantic candle lit dinner and place the hat between the candles. The hat will be there, reminding you what is inside. Will my fantasy get picked or his? I wonder what his fantasies are? Sexual tension will build in anticipation. Only after the meal is finished and the dishes are away can you return to the hat. Select one piece of paper. Open it and read it together.

Very important: No judgements. Open minds. If there are certain things that are off limits under any circumstances, raise them prior to writing things down. Also, remember, any possible props or preparations (vibe, whipped cream, handcuffs, etc) need to be purchased ahead of time and available so as not to kill the mood.

[Anonymous]

New sexual partner(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone says find a sex therapist and yet no one can recommend and affordable one that's taking new patients.

Yes... that's because not many people need that kind of specialist, yet most of us know which expert is needed for which disease. Heart problem, cardiologist. Thyroid, endocrinologist. Etc, etc. No orgasm, libido issues? Sex therapist. Doesn't that seem logical to you?

And, perhaps you can do the search yourself, since you're the patient?

Perhaps you can be less of an ass? Are are you this obtuse when people ask for doctor recommendations on here as well? Unbelievable...

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I can somewhat sympathize OP - it isn't that I've never had an orgasm - I have, both with DH and past boyfriends. But it is really difficult for me to get sufficiently relaxed to do so. I don't drink much either. Generally, I send the kids to grandma's, take a warm bath, and have DH give me a massage. It works more than 50 percent of the time, but not always. It was the same situation with past lovers. I'm just a neurotic and kind of tense person.

[Anonymous]

Watch porn together? Sexy non-porn movie? Erotica? I can understand you, but not HIM, too

[Anonymous]

Start drinking. D.C. is for drinkers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't drink either and quite frankly... we do not have the issues you've mentioned. Your concerns are not the consequence of a "dry lifestyle." 39 years old and never??? How can that possibly be?

Not surprising. I know many women in that situation.

My friend who grew up in a strict (non-Abrahamic religion) household. She married at 18 and learned about sex from her mother after the ceremony. The first time she actually saw a penis was after she had a baby.

A cousin who has seen a sex therapist and still can't.

My former SIL who was an atheist, but was almost raped when abducted at age 17 and fears loss of control.

Female plumbing is complex. Add any emotional or mental barriers and it's hard. Top all that with work stress, kids underfoot, health issues, etc. Well, somethings you can't vibrate away.

I figured it out around age 30.

How did she get pregnant and not see a penis?

They always do it in the dark, mostly clothed. He also washes immediately afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New sexual partner(s).

That's what I was thinking.