Reply to DH and I don't drink: how to unwind/get romantic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, yes he knows now. I was faking for a long time thinking there was just something wrong with me. We have sex maybe once every three to four months and usually the entire time it's focused on not making him climax in under five strokes. He does perform oral sex on me but he doesn't really seem interested in it that much. And when he is it's almost lie here's too much pressure on me to enjoy it. And I can't, really.

He's had his testosterone checked and I've had hormone levels checked. Both normal.[/quote]

Blerg.  Definitely explore on your own.  I think the magic wand is intense for my needs but it might work for you.  If you have a hand held shower head you should try that.  If porn is outside of your comfort zone, a book of erotic stories might help.  I think it's really important to work on getting both your mind and your body in the mood.

That exploration may give you clarity about whether you want to be in a sexless marriage-as you are currently.  Maybe you'll decide that sex isn't a big deal to you and you are okay with your current pattern.  Or maybe you will need to have a serious conversation with your DH-honestly his current effort sounds pathetic to me, and it is completely fair to tell him that you need to work together to create a marriage that is sexually fulfilling for you.  Or maybe it will turn out that he is not the sexual partner you need and you either need to look outside the marriage (hopefully with his consent) or end the marriage.

I have a friend who just ended her marriage that had been sexless for 14 years (her spouse's choice).  It was a really hard decision to make, but she is so happy now that it's decided.

Wishing you all the best on this journey![/quote]

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