Do you complain about your spouse to your friends?

[Anonymous]

Yes, but it is all little stuff - forgetting things every time he goes to the grocery store etc. Not deeply personal matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I occasionally speak to 2 close friends of mine and complain a bit here and there about little things with DH. I always balance it out with plenty of positive things to say about him too, though. Also only when it comes up in the course of a general conversation. I've known both of these friends for decades though and I only feel comfortable sharing with them and vise versa due to that.
I'm very fortunate though, for the most part I have very little to complain about.

One thing I have noticed is when I meet other moms, they seem to want to complain about their spouse right off the bat to bond. To be honest, I find it strange and would never share anything that personal with most people, especially someone I just met. I'm not talking about complaining about laundry, or chores either. I've noticed people wanting to discuss extremely personal gripes about their spouse right off that bat, and it really shocks me. The lack of discretion is a big friendship turn off, to be honest.

Agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

She does. I do.

We complain to our mutual friends, too. But that's usually more reserved and sometimes for the sake of humor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might say one of the Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars type comments like how we like the temperatures completely different. Or say, yeah he hates my car. But if it is a real complaint that is bothering me I feel like it is a betrayal to discuss it with a friend and also the person I should be discussing it with is DH if I want it to get better. If I need a sanity, am I reasonable check, I would post on DCUM. I will admit that early in our marriageI can't remember what triggered it but DH mentioned that he would like me to come to him about things and not just my best friend from college. He doesn't want to hear about the Bachelorette etc but if I am upset about work or my mom, he didn't want to be shut out of the conversation and I'm on the phone an hour with my best friend and he has no idea of what is going on. So I think that got me in the mindset of discussing things with him that were upsetting to me in general.

Funny story though is I realized when I was doing something on his laptop that my text messages were showing up there for the past few months. Sometimes after various IOS updates or something, other devices will default to including all the numbers linked to Apple ID. I said "well thank goodness I wasn't talking bad about you to my friends!" So moral of the story is with all the linked devices and also in our case shared passwords, be careful what you text in general.

Yeah, this is a bit too controlling from your husband. For him to not want you on the phone with a bff without him knowing what you're talking about and having all your texts popping up on his laptop? Hate to break it to you, but it's not an update. Hes controlling you

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between seeking advice from a trusted friend and complaining/gossiping about your spouse. If you're honestly struggling in your marriage, the first is a good thing to do and I encourage it. If you're engaged in the latter, you're poisoning your marriage and potentially other friendships you have. I consider the second a betrayal.

[Anonymous]

If I have something to say, I say it directly to my spouse. That's the best way to get results, in my opinion. I'm not a mind reader, and neither is he.

[Anonymous]

We are happy so I have no juiciness to share but even if I'm mildly annoyed I would never share that. It just seems unfair to dh because he doesn't do that to me. Now sex details and fart stories I totally overshare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not. But I think it is healthy to have somewhere that you can complain about your spouse. If it truly hurt your feelings though say something. One of the things DH and I came to terms with quite a few years ago is to always say something. Even if you think you are over reacting, say something. It is better to let her know how you feel and get it out on the table than to hold it in and let it fester and she continue to do the thing that bothers you (because she has no idea you are upset).

+1 DH and I never share anything negative about each other (or the kids) to any of our close friends. I am amazed how much my friends will complain about their husbands. According to DH none of his friends ever talk negatively about their wives either.

That makes me sad for you! That sounds isolating. Genuine sharing, of the highs AND the lows, is how you get close to people. It's invaluable to my mental health, I can't imagine having to be careful to closely censor myself to my best friends. Do you not trust your close friends?

PP, I'm actually sad for you (not the person you're responding to) if you think this is a normal way for married couples to behave. It sounds like you and your close friends don't have much self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

There is being discrete and there is wanting others to think everything is perfect.

I do share occasionally with my sister.

[Anonymous]

My husband really values his privacy so I don't share many intimate details