Do you complain about your spouse to your friends?

[Anonymous]

No. Itsnorivate and he's pretty awesome anyway.

[Anonymous]

It's a slippery slope. When I started to tell my friends about my (now exDW's) behavior, I learned how abnormal and abusive she was.

[Anonymous]

Gotta talk to someone about the crazy shat he does.

[Anonymous]

No. Never.

[Anonymous]

Of course. But I also brag on him.

[Anonymous]

Not really. Little things, like how he takes his socks off wherever he is and never puts them in the hamper. But I don't discuss fights or real issues with people who know DH, because I don't want to color their opinion of him. It's nice to have their support in the moment, but I'll get over whatever our issue was, and the friend might think he's a jerk forever.

Same with family. I don't say negative things about DH to family, especially my parents.

[Anonymous]

Never. Would be a betrayal.

[Anonymous]

I might say one of the Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars type comments like how we like the temperatures completely different. Or say, yeah he hates my car. But if it is a real complaint that is bothering me I feel like it is a betrayal to discuss it with a friend and also the person I should be discussing it with is DH if I want it to get better. If I need a sanity, am I reasonable check, I would post on DCUM. I will admit that early in our marriageI can't remember what triggered it but DH mentioned that he would like me to come to him about things and not just my best friend from college. He doesn't want to hear about the Bachelorette etc but if I am upset about work or my mom, he didn't want to be shut out of the conversation and I'm on the phone an hour with my best friend and he has no idea of what is going on. So I think that got me in the mindset of discussing things with him that were upsetting to me in general.

Funny story though is I realized when I was doing something on his laptop that my text messages were showing up there for the past few months. Sometimes after various IOS updates or something, other devices will default to including all the numbers linked to Apple ID. I said "well thank goodness I wasn't talking bad about you to my friends!" So moral of the story is with all the linked devices and also in our case shared passwords, be careful what you text in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not. But I think it is healthy to have somewhere that you can complain about your spouse. If it truly hurt your feelings though say something. One of the things DH and I came to terms with quite a few years ago is to always say something. Even if you think you are over reacting, say something. It is better to let her know how you feel and get it out on the table than to hold it in and let it fester and she continue to do the thing that bothers you (because she has no idea you are upset).

+1 DH and I never share anything negative about each other (or the kids) to any of our close friends. I am amazed how much my friends will complain about their husbands. According to DH none of his friends ever talk negatively about their wives either.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 friends that know almost everything.

I do vent to friends.

I use to have a "whine" night with some friends. We each have a child with some sort of SN.

Nobody takes our bitching too seriously. More like men are babies when they are sick, they throw their laundry on the floor, the don't know what time school starts, etc

It was cathartic.

[Anonymous]

Of course - and they complain about theirs to me. It's a great bonding experience. We all love our spouses dearly, and have all been married for at least a decade - some of us are almost at 20 years. That is the norm to us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course - and they complain about theirs to me. It's a great bonding experience. We all love our spouses dearly, and have all been married for at least a decade - some of us are almost at 20 years. That is the norm to us

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not. But I think it is healthy to have somewhere that you can complain about your spouse. If it truly hurt your feelings though say something. One of the things DH and I came to terms with quite a few years ago is to always say something. Even if you think you are over reacting, say something. It is better to let her know how you feel and get it out on the table than to hold it in and let it fester and she continue to do the thing that bothers you (because she has no idea you are upset).

+1 DH and I never share anything negative about each other (or the kids) to any of our close friends. I am amazed how much my friends will complain about their husbands. According to DH none of his friends ever talk negatively about their wives either.

That makes me sad for you! That sounds isolating. Genuine sharing, of the highs AND the lows, is how you get close to people. It's invaluable to my mental health, I can't imagine having to be careful to closely censor myself to my best friends. Do you not trust your close friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't. I consider my marriage a private matter and I don't talk about it even with my best friend -- I just don't think it's respectful to my spouse to do that. Is this not the norm?

Reason I ask is because I happened to glimpse an email on my DW's phone in which she made a nasty (and inaccurate) comment complaining about me to her friend. I'm sure she was just blowing off steam but it was really hurtful and I can't stop thinking about it and getting upset. Am I overreacting?

Troll or a female. Men don't use phrases like "really hurtful" or "happened to glimpse"

[Anonymous]

DH here. Never because I have nothing to complain about. I sometimes tell stories about the crazy things she does but never complain.