Do you complain about your spouse to your friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW here. I have one friend who's a vault but even with her I limit it. Otherwise I keep it all private. I find I am in the minority. Most DWs trash their DHs constantly in casual small talk. It's kind of unpleasant.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Sure. I complain about DH to my friends. Complain about my kids too. Doesn't mean I love them any less. Just blowing off steam. Been together almost 30 yrs and I have plenty to complain about let me tell you but I love DH (and the brats) to pieces?

[Anonymous]

I do have one very close friend who I will occasionally ask if I'm off target or being overly sensitive about something because I know she won't take sides and will give me an honest answer. I don't vent though. I think it's best if there are real concerns to go straight to the person and communicate honest feelings. Otherwise, as someone else said, it will fester and cause problems in the future. I would talk to DW and be honest about the situation and go from there. As I tell my kids, the truth is always the right choice.

[Anonymous]

Only the annoyance stuff. Core issues or anything deeply personal, no. It wouldn't be fair to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Only to my best friend and not a lot. If I am telling her something via text as opposed to over the phone, I'll admit that I might sometimes exaggerate certain aspects of a story to make it funnier, but never to be more hurtful to my husband. Perhaps you misread the text or understated the impact whatever you did had on your wife? Sometimes I get more upset with my husband than he thinks I should (and vice versa), which we discover by explaining how we feel. So maybe you hurt your wife more than you thought? Not defending her, just saying maybe there's a reason for what she said that is more than she's hurt than that she hates you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has never done anything big to really piss me off. But sometimes I may gripe about a couple silly things he does (like leave the dishes next to the sink, not in) but I'm usually laughing about it with a couple of friends and we are all sharing the silly things that annoy us. And then of course we all get a laugh about the things we do that annoy them.

If I had a complaint about DH that painted him in a negative way, I'd probably not share it.

I agree with this, exactly. No matter how angry or upset I might be about something, you and your spouse are a team and I don't believe in completely trash talking them to someone else. I never say anything that I wouldn't say to his face, or that I would be embarrassed about if he discovered I said it.

[Anonymous]

I know you aren't suppose to complain about your spouse to others but I have a friend who got married and about 6 months after he calls and says "she is gone" I thought he meant for a visit to friends or something but he meant she was gone for good. Pack her stuff and her childs and left a note. I had no clue they were having problems. Had I know I would have at least let him vent and suggested a counselor.

Why do married people have to keep that all inside when others can help?

[Anonymous]

There's not much to complain about and I have no interest in being known as a spouse who complains. Nothing stays secret.

[Anonymous]

Hell no, your friend will take your man with the quickness.

[Anonymous]

Of course but I don't think my husband does to his friends. He doesn't have close friends anymore since we have moved and culturally ( he's from Bangladesh) it's not common to do this. I think they tend to be private about relationships.

[Anonymous]

No, but only because I have no friends. If I ever make a real friend again I will definitely complain to them.

[Anonymous]

I was part of a mom's group in DC when my child was a baby. A lot of the women sat around complaining about how their (high-earning) spouses were never around or did anything around the house. It always made me uncomfortable!

[Anonymous]

My closest friends know everything

[Anonymous]

You are going thru your wife's phone? Sounds like you two have trust issues and a lot more going on. Consider marriage counseling?

[Anonymous]

I occasionally speak to 2 close friends of mine and complain a bit here and there about little things with DH. I always balance it out with plenty of positive things to say about him too, though. Also only when it comes up in the course of a general conversation. I've known both of these friends for decades though and I only feel comfortable sharing with them and vise versa due to that.
I'm very fortunate though, for the most part I have very little to complain about.

One thing I have noticed is when I meet other moms, they seem to want to complain about their spouse right off the bat to bond. To be honest, I find it strange and would never share anything that personal with most people, especially someone I just met. I'm not talking about complaining about laundry, or chores either. I've noticed people wanting to discuss extremely personal gripes about their spouse right off that bat, and it really shocks me. The lack of discretion is a big friendship turn off, to be honest.