S/o teenage daughter used N word

[Anonymous]

And yet she's allowed to buy music from rap artists who use the word with abandon, and sing and dance to their songs? Got it.

No, she should not be allowed to purchase music that says the word either. It is the job of her parents to teach her what is appropriate and limit access to those things that are not appropriate. Just because the music is available doesn't mean you have to let your kids buy it.

[Anonymous]

Nobody buys music any more. The kids listen to music through music apps. So, it is difficult or nearly impossible to control the music teenagers listen to if they have a smart phone and most have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And yet she's allowed to buy music from rap artists who use the word with abandon, and sing and dance to their songs? Got it.

No, she should not be allowed to purchase music that says the word either. It is the job of her parents to teach her what is appropriate and limit access to those things that are not appropriate. Just because the music is available doesn't mean you have to let your kids buy it.

I don't know a single teenager who "buys" music these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this public? How old is your daughter? Is her name attached to It? Basically if an college admission officer googled her and finds it, she is out. They won't even give her the time of day. In fact, you can let her know her social life/future work life is over if anyone sees it. I wouldn't hire her. And yes I Google to check people out. I am sorry your daughter is an awful person. I hope you get through to her about this

Yeah! That's why I love the internet..MOB JUSTICE! Gang up on her and utterly DESTROY her!!! Just like they did to Paula Dean and Donald Sterling!! I am so virtuous and we need zero tolerance when it comes to evil people!

Maybe the posters here can drive her to suicide!!!!

Then they can be proud of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP there's already another thread on this this evening. The consensus is you need to explain to her that she as a white person simply cannot use that. Full stop.

Yet if you are black you can use it in any sentence that you want. I'm tired of this crap where one race can use a variation of the word yet the other race dare not utter any word that starts with N. Ridiculous.

Why do you want to use the N word so bad? Is it a white privledge thing? "How dare black people have a word that they can say but is offensive when whites say it"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP there's already another thread on this this evening. The consensus is you need to explain to her that she as a white person simply cannot use that. Full stop.

Yet if you are black you can use it in any sentence that you want. I'm tired of this crap where one race can use a variation of the word yet the other race dare not utter any word that starts with N. Ridiculous.

Why do you want to use the N word so bad? Is it a white privledge thing? "How dare black people have a word that they can say but is offensive when whites say it"...

I'm guessing this PP is an "All lives matter" kind of person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP there's already another thread on this this evening. The consensus is you need to explain to her that she as a white person simply cannot use that. Full stop.

Yet if you are black you can use it in any sentence that you want. I'm tired of this crap where one race can use a variation of the word yet the other race dare not utter any word that starts with N. Ridiculous.

Have you been living under a rock? Here is a recent explanation following Bill Maher's inappropriate use.

http://www.rollingstone.com/tv/news/see-bill-maher-address-racial-slur-get-schooled-by-ice-cube-w487171

Wow. I think I have a crush on Ice Cube now. He explained that very well.

It had me crushing on him as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP there's already another thread on this this evening. The consensus is you need to explain to her that she as a white person simply cannot use that. Full stop.

Yet if you are black you can use it in any sentence that you want. I'm tired of this crap where one race can use a variation of the word yet the other race dare not utter any word that starts with N. Ridiculous.

Why do you want to use the N word so bad? Is it a white privledge thing? "How dare black people have a word that they can say but is offensive when whites say it"...

If you are bi-racial (black/white) can you use it? I'm so confused!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP there's already another thread on this this evening. The consensus is you need to explain to her that she as a white person simply cannot use that. Full stop.

Yet if you are black you can use it in any sentence that you want. I'm tired of this crap where one race can use a variation of the word yet the other race dare not utter any word that starts with N. Ridiculous.

Why do you want to use the N word so bad? Is it a white privledge thing? "How dare black people have a word that they can say but is offensive when whites say it"...

If you are bi-racial (black/white) can you use it? I'm so confused!

You are not confused you are deliberately ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And yet she's allowed to buy music from rap artists who use the word with abandon, and sing and dance to their songs? Got it.

No, she should not be allowed to purchase music that says the word either. It is the job of her parents to teach her what is appropriate and limit access to those things that are not appropriate. Just because the music is available doesn't mean you have to let your kids buy it.

I don't know a single teenager who "buys" music these days.

Mine does. How else can he get "his" music in "my" car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP there's already another thread on this this evening. The consensus is you need to explain to her that she as a white person simply cannot use that. Full stop.

Yet if you are black you can use it in any sentence that you want. I'm tired of this crap where one race can use a variation of the word yet the other race dare not utter any word that starts with N. Ridiculous.

Why do you want to use the N word so bad? Is it a white privledge thing? "How dare black people have a word that they can say but is offensive when whites say it"...

If you are bi-racial (black/white) can you use it? I'm so confused!

obama has used it in the past.

[Anonymous]

I just read this entire thread and it upsets me on so many different levels...

1. To the OP... Your daughter was wrong. There are no two ways about it, it is a word that should never pass her lips.... period. What should be done at this point is that you should have a conversation about it with her making sure that she is really clear about why it is wrong and that there is no justification for her to have said it in the first place, or to ever say it again. Additionally, there should be consequences... you are the parent so I cannot tell you what those consequences should be. That being said it should not be a slap of the wrist, it should be more substantial than that and so that she is motivated to change her behavior.

2. To the people who are confused about why this is a word that should never be said by non-black people. Stop it... just stop it. It is 2017, I need you to know that even though you think black folks should be grateful for how far we have come in America and should stop complaining and bringing up the past or calling folks out on their BS when they are clearly wrong. Black people are human beings... just like everyone else, we should not be thankful that we are being treated better... We should be (and are) pissed off because we are not treated with the same level of decency as everyone else.... period. That being said.... regardless of why you want to use the word, it is off limits... don't do it. I know that is seems unfair, but know that when you are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

3. The whole argument about the word being heard in music that is readily available so expecting teens not to say it is unreasonable is ridiculous. First of all, grow the heck up and parent your kids.... stop letting them have access to things you do not find appropriate for them to emulate. Second, pornography is readily available... would you simply ignore it if you found your teen with a video camera set up in their bedroom taping themselves masturbating or having sex? No, you would lose your mind.... a rightfully so. Just because the could find it on the internet, does not mean you should not teach your kids it is wrong... and prohibit them from doing it... and give major consequences if you found out they were.

Honestly I feel like I barely touched the surface, please know that nothing I said should be taken a blanket indictment on all people. If it applies to you or your situation take it in and process it. If it doesn't apply to you then move on.

[Anonymous]

I'm white; my 14 yo daughter is biracial. When she plugs her phone into my car, it seems like every single song she listens to on spotify uses that word over and over. I've talked with her about how she should never ever use the word, even though her skin is darker than mine and she rolls her eyes and says, 'I know!'

The other day, I told her I thought all the kids in her generation were going to be so confused. They're not allowed to use the word but they hear it CONSTANTLY from people they admire. They sing along to songs, but have to skip that word when they sing (?) Generally in songs, it isn't used in a pejorative way (though I admit I rarely hear/understand most of the surrounding lyrics so this is a guess). I want the word to remain taboo, but I don't see how it can given its constant use.

FWIW, my dd looked at me deadpan and told me it's really not that hard and all the kids know the rules. White kids who use the word know they're doing something wrong and use it to get a reaction.

Still, I think we are on the cusp of the word becoming mainstream. Maybe it will be like the shift from Black being used pejorative to 'Black is Beautiful.'

[Anonymous]

11:41, great post. Any kid who listens to that genre of music, and that is the preferred genre of youth, hears the word millions of times by the time they are 16. It can be confusing to them, I'm sure. But I do think most of them get that it is offensive and should not be used by white people. It may not make sense to some, but it's just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP there's already another thread on this this evening. The consensus is you need to explain to her that she as a white person simply cannot use that. Full stop.

Yet if you are black you can use it in any sentence that you want. I'm tired of this crap where one race can use a variation of the word yet the other race dare not utter any word that starts with N. Ridiculous.

Have you been living under a rock? Here is a recent explanation following Bill Maher's inappropriate use.

http://www.rollingstone.com/tv/news/see-bill-maher-address-racial-slur-get-schooled-by-ice-cube-w487171

Wow. I think I have a crush on Ice Cube now. He explained that very well.

It had me crushing on him as well

I've always loved him. I think he makes a good explanation as to why white people can't use the word. I don't think white people can or should use the word (I'm white) and this doesn't bother me b/c I don't use it.

Having said that, the us/them separation aspect in his comments is not helpful. It's not going to speak to someone who already has their head up their ass about "why can't I say it?" or "I thought everyone was equal/the same" or "All Lives Matter." So, that is the weakest part of what he has to say and takes away from the rest of his message. That needs to be left off in this discussion.

It comes down to this: the marginalized group gets to define what is offensive. The group that has done the marginalizing does not. This goes for the N work. It goes for "retarded." And, it is why I've deferred to Native groups with the "Redskins" name (I don't view it as derogatory, quite the opposite. But if they do, I would change the name.) This is not hard. It's not "PC", whatever that means. It's being kind and recognizing that some words are so inherently inflammatory to a group, that you just shouldn't use it. Period. The end.