Cant get over my ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your current girlfriend a favor and break up with her. 4 years? C'mon man...

+1000

Though I don't care about the 4 years, but if you are marrying her by default and still thinking this much about other women, you are doomed. Please set your lovely girlfriend free.

This sounds kind of right. Though I got married I thought about my ex for ... well into 10 years into my marriage. We are rocky.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP, because I have been in a similar situation. What helped me was 20 years later I saw her. She did not age well. Too much tanning when younger and she put on weight. Furthermore I was reminded that I did not like her humble bragging and need for status. I had gained perspective. Finally my DD beat her DD for a spot on
A travel team. I appreciate DW more now - should have done so before. Life is about decisions. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

You know what strikes me about this PP? Their incredibly judgmental tone and eagerness to pull an "elusive" female down from her apparent pedestal. PP, if you can write about her sexual abuse, emotional abuse, "serious issues around sex" and body issues with this much gossipy glee, it's safe to say you are guaranteed to be more "messed up" than this woman was.

Do note that the PP shit-talking this abused girl describes herself as a "friend". Her worst misfortune may have been that she surrounded herself with women like this PP.

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't propose to your current GF if this is on your mind.

Even though I thoroughly agree with everyone who's said "You only want her because you didn't control the way you lost her, and you never had her all the way, so you idealize her" - I think this is clearly what's going on with you.

That said, you are so hung up on her, I also think you should just go ahead and call her. Chances are you did her a favor when you didn't call her back a few years ago, and hopefully she's moved on and happy. But if this will linger in your mind for decades more, just do yourself and your current GF a favor and call the ex.

If you call your ex and she's up for meeting up with you, you need to tell your current GF. Don't replicate the way you lost your ex. Be up front with your current that you will be catching up with an ex, and be honest if she's got questions.

See how it goes with your ex and take it from there. But don't be surprised or upset if your current GF doesn't like you seeing your ex, or if your ex doesn't want to see you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have met up with two former loves years later. Not planned, just saw them in public. Each time was ridiculously awkward. We had almost nothing to say although both were once important parts of my life. Bet the same would happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

You know what strikes me about this PP? Their incredibly judgmental tone and eagerness to pull an "elusive" female down from her apparent pedestal. PP, if you can write about her sexual abuse, emotional abuse, "serious issues around sex" and body issues with this much gossipy glee, it's safe to say you are guaranteed to be more "messed up" than this woman was.

Do note that the PP shit-talking this abused girl describes herself as a "friend". Her worst misfortune may have been that she surrounded herself with women like this PP.

+1

Honestly, sounds like whatever the "friend" is dealing with, she had plenty of men falling at her feet. Sounds like a pretty fun adulthood if you ask me, whatever kind of childhood she had.

And I think the other poster is jealous, if we're being honest. Angry at the male attention.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to watch "High Fidelity" with Jon Cusack. The scenes with Catherine Zeta-Jones remind me of your situation. It's an excellent movie, especially when it comes to relationships. And, of course, Jack Black is brilliantly funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

You know what strikes me about this PP? Their incredibly judgmental tone and eagerness to pull an "elusive" female down from her apparent pedestal. PP, if you can write about her sexual abuse, emotional abuse, "serious issues around sex" and body issues with this much gossipy glee, it's safe to say you are guaranteed to be more "messed up" than this woman was.

Do note that the PP shit-talking this abused girl describes herself as a "friend". Her worst misfortune may have been that she surrounded herself with women like this PP.

+1

Honestly, sounds like whatever the "friend" is dealing with, she had plenty of men falling at her feet. Sounds like a pretty fun adulthood if you ask me, whatever kind of childhood she had.

And I think the other poster is jealous, if we're being honest. Angry at the male attention.

Oh 20000+ to that. If you're so jealous of someone else's romantic appeal to men that you have to bring up her history of abuse, you are one seriously disturbed individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely don't propose to your current GF if this is on your mind.

Even though I thoroughly agree with everyone who's said "You only want her because you didn't control the way you lost her, and you never had her all the way, so you idealize her" - I think this is clearly what's going on with you.

That said, you are so hung up on her, I also think you should just go ahead and call her. Chances are you did her a favor when you didn't call her back a few years ago, and hopefully she's moved on and happy. But if this will linger in your mind for decades more, just do yourself and your current GF a favor and call the ex.

If you call your ex and she's up for meeting up with you, you need to tell your current GF. Don't replicate the way you lost your ex. Be up front with your current that you will be catching up with an ex, and be honest if she's got questions.

See how it goes with your ex and take it from there. But don't be surprised or upset if your current GF doesn't like you seeing your ex, or if your ex doesn't want to see you.

+1

Don't be surprised if your current GF dumps you in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

You know what strikes me about this PP? Their incredibly judgmental tone and eagerness to pull an "elusive" female down from her apparent pedestal. PP, if you can write about her sexual abuse, emotional abuse, "serious issues around sex" and body issues with this much gossipy glee, it's safe to say you are guaranteed to be more "messed up" than this woman was.

Do note that the PP shit-talking this abused girl describes herself as a "friend". Her worst misfortune may have been that she surrounded herself with women like this PP.

Yep! Sounds like jealousy from a frenemy.

OP, contact her. Better to get closure before marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP, because I have been in a similar situation. What helped me was 20 years later I saw her. She did not age well. Too much tanning when younger and she put on weight. Furthermore I was reminded that I did not like her humble bragging and need for status. I had gained perspective. Finally my DD beat her DD for a spot on
A travel team. I appreciate DW more now - should have done so before. Life is about decisions. Good luck to you.

And THAT made you lose interest? Hmmm. Don't know that I would call that a great lost love...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a great serious first love just out of college. I was crazy about her but she suddenly turned cold on me. A few years later I met my DW but I often thought about her and I couldn't get over her. But I married my DW and I've been incredibly happy for many years. My ex married and divorced a couple of times and then sadly died after years of being ill. You need to move on.

NP. Did you ever fully forget about her/stop caring?

x2

... ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

You know what strikes me about this PP? Their incredibly judgmental tone and eagerness to pull an "elusive" female down from her apparent pedestal. PP, if you can write about her sexual abuse, emotional abuse, "serious issues around sex" and body issues with this much gossipy glee, it's safe to say you are guaranteed to be more "messed up" than this woman was.

Do note that the PP shit-talking this abused girl describes herself as a "friend". Her worst misfortune may have been that she surrounded herself with women like this PP.

+1

Honestly, sounds like whatever the "friend" is dealing with, she had plenty of men falling at her feet. Sounds like a pretty fun adulthood if you ask me, whatever kind of childhood she had.

And I think the other poster is jealous, if we're being honest. Angry at the male attention.

Oh 20000+ to that. If you're so jealous of someone else's romantic appeal to men that you have to bring up her history of abuse, you are one seriously disturbed individual.

+ 3

PP is a hater. That is probably why you are a former friend and can count the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a great serious first love just out of college. I was crazy about her but she suddenly turned cold on me. A few years later I met my DW but I often thought about her and I couldn't get over her. But I married my DW and I've been incredibly happy for many years. My ex married and divorced a couple of times and then sadly died after years of being ill. You need to move on.

NP. Did you ever fully forget about her/stop caring?

x2

... ?

I'd like to know also.

[Anonymous]

Some people never get over an ex. I don't know if it means anything or not. Does it mean that was the person you were supposed to be with, or does it meant that something in your current relationship is lacking? Or is it a psychological case of wanting what you cannot have or "the grass is always greener" mentality? I don't know, but some experience it, and some do not.