Cant get over my ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If I think about the 2-3 women in my past who still loom large in my romantic memory, it's the ones that got away, the ones that I couldn't get to fully commit to me and appreciate what I had to offer. I'm sure I idealized them in my head, making them seem perfectly suited for me. The other "mortal" women from past relationships seem "conquered" for lack of a better term, with no lingering longing. College girl will probably always be an unrealistically idealized person to OP and may always occupy some special place in the heart because of it. Reaching out unsuccessfully will probably put her yet higher on some unreachable, unobtainable pedestal, while reaching out successfully will just put her into the conquered, mortal category, with all of it's realism and visible faults. It won't be what you imagined it would be - at least not for long. Either way, no good will come of it. A wise friend once told me, "If you find yourself kissing a Goddess, she probably isn't one." Generally speaking, begging is a turnoff, unless the girl has her own issues. Man up.

Fantastic advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If I think about the 2-3 women in my past who still loom large in my romantic memory, it's the ones that got away, the ones that I couldn't get to fully commit to me and appreciate what I had to offer. I'm sure I idealized them in my head, making them seem perfectly suited for me. The other "mortal" women from past relationships seem "conquered" for lack of a better term, with no lingering longing. College girl will probably always be an unrealistically idealized person to OP and may always occupy some special place in the heart because of it. Reaching out unsuccessfully will probably put her yet higher on some unreachable, unobtainable pedestal, while reaching out successfully will just put her into the conquered, mortal category, with all of it's realism and visible faults. It won't be what you imagined it would be - at least not for long. Either way, no good will come of it. A wise friend once told me, "If you find yourself kissing a Goddess, she probably isn't one." Generally speaking, begging is a turnoff, unless the girl has her own issues. Man up.

But she did commit to me. We told each other everything, and I feel I got to know her better than anyone else had. Sex was the final thing. It's not like there are other girls I've liked but who I couldn't sleep with (obviously) but I don't really think about them like that.

[Anonymous]

I can understand being upset that she broke your heart but I think you need to work on figuring out why that made you so angry at the time. Seems like you really blew it when she called you.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are still pretty young. Call your ex and see what happens. Clearly you need a resolution.

[Anonymous]

Only one way to find out--- make the call.

[Anonymous]

You blew it, dude. Other guys got what you wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You blew it, dude. Other guys got what you wanted.

+1

Not to rub salt in the wound, but multiple times, in multiple positions. Think on THAT

[Anonymous]

I had a great serious first love just out of college. I was crazy about her but she suddenly turned cold on me. A few years later I met my DW but I often thought about her and I couldn't get over her. But I married my DW and I've been incredibly happy for many years. My ex married and divorced a couple of times and then sadly died after years of being ill. You need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a great serious first love just out of college. I was crazy about her but she suddenly turned cold on me. A few years later I met my DW but I often thought about her and I couldn't get over her. But I married my DW and I've been incredibly happy for many years. My ex married and divorced a couple of times and then sadly died after years of being ill. You need to move on.

NP. Did you ever fully forget about her/stop caring?

[Anonymous]

I guess I am mostly the voice of dissent here, but I think there is something to this sometimes. You had other girlfriends in the past but aren't thinking about them. You are thinking of this person for a reason. Your current relationship is not completely fulfilling, or you would not be thinking of this past girlfriend. We are more compatible with some people than others; we click with some people more than others. I would explore to see if the feeling is mutual there before I proposed to this person. Of course, you may lose the current GF in the process.

[Anonymous]

Some things last longer than you think they will
There are some kind of things you never can kill

[Anonymous]

Come on - she couldn't have been that great or you wouldn't have ruined it by sleeping with someone else. If she were that great, you would have called her back when she contacted you. Your such a stupid shit for not realizing how you're 'romanticizing' this relationship. I feel sorry for your current GF. She deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Based on OP and some of the responses, it seems that men have a much more difficult time getting over these situations than women.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. She was elusive and it took effort for guys to earn her trust. She took forever to have sex (if she ever did). And guys fell all over themselves to be with her. And if you talked to each one, they would tell you about this AMAZING connection they had. How special it was that she finally opened up and trusted him. OMG, I knew her for 7 years. I cannot tell you how many guys this happened with. Probably 30+ guys. And she slept with maybe 5.

The thing is, she was super f***ed up. Abusive, alcoholic father. Co-dependent mother. Various food or body image issues (anorexia, bulimia, over exercising, etc), but you'd never know it by looking at her) She was sexually abused by a babysitter and her brothers by an Uncle. But she looked like the happiest person with the most amazing close family. But so, so f***ed up. And serious issues around sex.

There was a reason she was so elusive and it took so much effort to gain her trust. I can almost guarantee she was messed up!

Not everyone who is "elusive" was sexually abused as a child, or bulimic, or whatever else. I'm "elusive" and have a perfectly happy life and childhood