Asexual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter the root cause of the issue. You sound incompatible. If he isn't interested in sex and you are, move on. This is a big issue. Love isn't enough.

It's not going to change.

The root cause DOES matter. Low T is a physiological issue. It is not mental or an attraction issue. When you have it you can't just "decide to be interested in sex". When you fix it - and it can be fixed - then you'll be very, very interested in sex.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it is a medical reason. Nothing you do can help. He needs meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter the root cause of the issue. You sound incompatible. If he isn't interested in sex and you are, move on. This is a big issue. Love isn't enough.

It's not going to change.

The root cause DOES matter. Low T is a physiological issue. It is not mental or an attraction issue. When you have it you can't just "decide to be interested in sex". When you fix it - and it can be fixed - then you'll be very, very interested in sex.

He's not interested in taking meds and looking at solutions for his medical problem. If he doesn't care enough to do this why should she care enough to go her entire marriage without sex. We all know from this forum that sexless marriages are real issues. Why would she ever walk in into one with her eyes wide open. She should dump him.

[Anonymous]

http://www.triathlete.com/2017/01/training/injury-prevention/low-testosterone-training-clash_297253

OP check out this link. This guy also has a blog were he talks about how he over came his low T.
If you bf is working out hard 6 days a week it is possible he is doing more harm than good

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I talked to him last night based on a lot of the feedback here.
I told him that he has a medical condition that can be treated, yet because he is content with it right now he doesn't realize how urgent this is to US.

He seemed to think that I have a sex problem. I told him that wanting to be with a partner in a committed relationship sexually 2x a week is NOT a sex problem. He actually said that maybe I have a problem with wanting sex too much, he said "are you a sex addict?" My jaw dropped. It got a little heated when he said that. Not gonna sugar coat it, it really upset/angered me. He even said "it's not the end of the world if we don't have sex"

It ended with me asking him to go back to the dr or see another one for a second opinion. I said that I will/must go with him. I worry that he isn't explaining the full scope of how his has 0 drive vs low drive to the dr. I couldn't really tell if he was taking me seriously, but I did say "this is not how I can live my life, it's important to me to have that bond in a relationship and it is severely missing. Last night was the first evening in a long time that he went to the gym without me."

I'm not sure what is going to happen, but the feedback here at least validated my feelings and that this is NOT ME. It's him, and he can fix this if he wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I talked to him last night based on a lot of the feedback here.
I told him that he has a medical condition that can be treated, yet because he is content with it right now he doesn't realize how urgent this is to US.

He seemed to think that I have a sex problem. I told him that wanting to be with a partner in a committed relationship sexually 2x a week is NOT a sex problem. He actually said that maybe I have a problem with wanting sex too much, he said "are you a sex addict?" My jaw dropped. It got a little heated when he said that. Not gonna sugar coat it, it really upset/angered me. He even said "it's not the end of the world if we don't have sex"

It ended with me asking him to go back to the dr or see another one for a second opinion. I said that I will/must go with him. I worry that he isn't explaining the full scope of how his has 0 drive vs low drive to the dr. I couldn't really tell if he was taking me seriously, but I did say "this is not how I can live my life, it's important to me to have that bond in a relationship and it is severely missing. Last night was the first evening in a long time that he went to the gym without me."

I'm not sure what is going to happen, but the feedback here at least validated my feelings and that this is NOT ME. It's him, and he can fix this if he wants to.

He even said "it's not the end of the world if we don't have sex" <-- Man here. You have to make it unmistakably crystal clear that you do not agree. A lot of guys will not go do TRT unless and until their woman says "we need to have more sex or we're done". It is very possible he is not going to want to fix this until you put extreme pressure on him. Don't feel bad about it. If he does not yield to your pressure, then pull the plug, or you'll knowingly enter a lifetime of sexless unhappiness (which in due course you will bitterly regret).

The difference between zero drive and low drive is actually unimportant. What is important is that his drive is too low for you.

I would strongly advise going to a specialist in TRT. Many doctors, especially in general practice, are dismissive of low T as a problem and won't recommend TRT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I talked to him last night based on a lot of the feedback here.
I told him that he has a medical condition that can be treated, yet because he is content with it right now he doesn't realize how urgent this is to US.

He seemed to think that I have a sex problem. I told him that wanting to be with a partner in a committed relationship sexually 2x a week is NOT a sex problem. He actually said that maybe I have a problem with wanting sex too much, he said "are you a sex addict?" My jaw dropped. It got a little heated when he said that. Not gonna sugar coat it, it really upset/angered me. He even said "it's not the end of the world if we don't have sex"

It ended with me asking him to go back to the dr or see another one for a second opinion. I said that I will/must go with him. I worry that he isn't explaining the full scope of how his has 0 drive vs low drive to the dr. I couldn't really tell if he was taking me seriously, but I did say "this is not how I can live my life, it's important to me to have that bond in a relationship and it is severely missing. Last night was the first evening in a long time that he went to the gym without me."

I'm not sure what is going to happen, but the feedback here at least validated my feelings and that this is NOT ME. It's him, and he can fix this if he wants to.

Good for you. That is a hard conversation to have, but things can't get better without it. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I talked to him last night based on a lot of the feedback here.
I told him that he has a medical condition that can be treated, yet because he is content with it right now he doesn't realize how urgent this is to US.

He seemed to think that I have a sex problem. I told him that wanting to be with a partner in a committed relationship sexually 2x a week is NOT a sex problem. He actually said that maybe I have a problem with wanting sex too much, he said "are you a sex addict?" My jaw dropped. It got a little heated when he said that. Not gonna sugar coat it, it really upset/angered me. He even said "it's not the end of the world if we don't have sex"

It ended with me asking him to go back to the dr or see another one for a second opinion. I said that I will/must go with him. I worry that he isn't explaining the full scope of how his has 0 drive vs low drive to the dr. I couldn't really tell if he was taking me seriously, but I did say "this is not how I can live my life, it's important to me to have that bond in a relationship and it is severely missing. Last night was the first evening in a long time that he went to the gym without me."

I'm not sure what is going to happen, but the feedback here at least validated my feelings and that this is NOT ME. It's him, and he can fix this if he wants to.

He even said "it's not the end of the world if we don't have sex" <-- Man here. You have to make it unmistakably crystal clear that you do not agree. A lot of guys will not go do TRT unless and until their woman says "we need to have more sex or we're done". It is very possible he is not going to want to fix this until you put extreme pressure on him. Don't feel bad about it. If he does not yield to your pressure, then pull the plug, or you'll knowingly enter a lifetime of sexless unhappiness (which in due course you will bitterly regret).

The difference between zero drive and low drive is actually unimportant. What is important is that his drive is too low for you.

I would strongly advise going to a specialist in TRT. Many doctors, especially in general practice, are dismissive of low T as a problem and won't recommend TRT.

This is the OP. He has made me feel cheap in that I want sex and that I have a serious problem. I am pretty upset.

[Anonymous]

Op, this is your ghost of Christmas future. End this relationship ASAP. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. Yes, misery. I am not exaggerating. Misery. A marriage without a healthy sex life, where one person wants a healthy sex life, is a lonely prison. Escape now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this is your ghost of Christmas future. End this relationship ASAP. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. Yes, misery. I am not exaggerating. Misery. A marriage without a healthy sex life, where one person wants a healthy sex life, is a lonely prison. Escape now.

+1!! All this and you're not even married yet. Escape while you still can!! For him to make you feel cheap or accuse you of being a sex addict reflects a selfish, insensitive boob.

[Anonymous]

I just took a class that spent 4 weeks on asexuality. He could very well be asexual, and you need to decide if that's going to work for you. I cannot imagine my fiancé not grabbing my ass and all that. It would suck a lot of excitement away.

[Anonymous]

OP, he took his issue and deflected it onto you, trying to make your completely normal need for sex into something abnormal.

That's not acceptable. You need to tell him that he can't blame his issue on you and that he has three choices: get medical help (and counseling) so that you two can have a normal sex life again, allow you to have your sexual needs met by others, or split up.

I didn't see anyone bring it up, but are you sure he's not gay? I know a lot of gay men who didn't come to terms with it until they'd already tried living in hetero relationships. They managed sexually, for a while, but then it was the same story you're getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he took his issue and deflected it onto you, trying to make your completely normal need for sex into something abnormal.

That's not acceptable. You need to tell him that he can't blame his issue on you and that he has three choices: get medical help (and counseling) so that you two can have a normal sex life again, allow you to have your sexual needs met by others, or split up.

I didn't see anyone bring it up, but are you sure he's not gay? I know a lot of gay men who didn't come to terms with it until they'd already tried living in hetero relationships. They managed sexually, for a while, but then it was the same story you're getting.

This is OP. I don't know how he would be gay. I don't know how I would know. I'm at a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he took his issue and deflected it onto you, trying to make your completely normal need for sex into something abnormal.

That's not acceptable. You need to tell him that he can't blame his issue on you and that he has three choices: get medical help (and counseling) so that you two can have a normal sex life again, allow you to have your sexual needs met by others, or split up.

I didn't see anyone bring it up, but are you sure he's not gay? I know a lot of gay men who didn't come to terms with it until they'd already tried living in hetero relationships. They managed sexually, for a while, but then it was the same story you're getting.

Why do you question someone's sexual orientation if they do not want to have sex? Would you do the same to a woman? If the op forces/manipulates him in to having sex is that rape? There are many women who would say yes it is....if the genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. He has made me feel cheap in that I want sex and that I have a serious problem. I am pretty upset.

Previous male PP. Very understandable that you're upset.

Try to appreciate that a low T man simply does not "get" normal sexual desire. Sex is not something he absolutely needs like he needs oxygen (or like a normal man needs it). It's like you're trying to convince a fish that he needs to fly a plane. He just can't see the need for it or why he should want to do it. This is no reflection on you or your attractiveness, he's just not getting the right chemicals in his brain to fire up his libido.

But as I said, this can be changed if he wants to. If he goes on TRT then you'll get all the sex you want, and maybe even more.

Ignore all the "he must be gay" nonsense. Gay men are not low T. Just the opposite in many cases.