What is #boymom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it has to do with like...a lot of people act like disappointed towards moms with all boys. I don't know if that is the right word. But my SIL has three boys and people constantly react like with sympathy, and ask if they'll go for another to try for a girl. She regularly gets like...compassion offered for this tribulation of not having a girl. So IME it is moms in a position like that trying to turn it into a positive, like, hey I only have boys but I love that!

I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a #momofboth?

Sign me up.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think DCUM overthinks things. At least among those in my FB feed who use hashtags, they often come across as little self-deprecating or humorous points.

Stereotypically, a house full of girls isn't going to have arm-fart contests. A dad of all girls is more likely to have his kids painting his toenails pink than a dad of all boys. It may be nature it may be nurture, it's just observations. I see similar things from families with one child versus families with three or more kids. Seriously, stop overthinking this stuff!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it has to do with like...a lot of people act like disappointed towards moms with all boys. I don't know if that is the right word. But my SIL has three boys and people constantly react like with sympathy, and ask if they'll go for another to try for a girl. She regularly gets like...compassion offered for this tribulation of not having a girl. So IME it is moms in a position like that trying to turn it into a positive, like, hey I only have boys but I love that!

I totally agree.

I would have hated having girls and many people I know feel that way.

Of course I would have made the best of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

No it is not. My son almost exclusively plays with cars and trucks and trains. He has 4 girl cousins and when we go to their houses he will dig through the toy bins, past the dolls and Frozen gear, until he finds a car.

We have baby dolls and he never plays with it. But when his cousins come over they do play it.

Why is that anecdote evidence of anything? Couldn't that be socialized behavior?

Meaning what? He's a boy and he has a natural interest in cars and trucks. My nieces do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird to me to hear so many DCUMers say gender differences are innate because you guys are also so defensive about working outside the home. Like if women are the weaker/gentler/more nurturing sex then why not let your men go out and earn the money while you stay home and raise your children? Why expect the same promotions and treatment at work?

Are you a SAHM? Your logic and critical thinking skills appear to have stalled at elementary school level. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

No it is not. My son almost exclusively plays with cars and trucks and trains. He has 4 girl cousins and when we go to their houses he will dig through the toy bins, past the dolls and Frozen gear, until he finds a car.

We have baby dolls and he never plays with it. But when his cousins come over they do play it.

Why is that anecdote evidence of anything? Couldn't that be socialized behavior?

Meaning what? He's a boy and he has a natural interest in cars and trucks. My nieces do not.

What's a natural interest? Nothing you said points to the idea that's it's innate rather than learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird to me to hear so many DCUMers say gender differences are innate because you guys are also so defensive about working outside the home. Like if women are the weaker/gentler/more nurturing sex then why not let your men go out and earn the money while you stay home and raise your children? Why expect the same promotions and treatment at work?

Are you a SAHM? Your logic and critical thinking skills appear to have stalled at elementary school level. Sad.

Haha, yeah, and you sound like a bitchy WOH mommy martyr. Sadder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

No it is not. My son almost exclusively plays with cars and trucks and trains. He has 4 girl cousins and when we go to their houses he will dig through the toy bins, past the dolls and Frozen gear, until he finds a car.

We have baby dolls and he never plays with it. But when his cousins come over they do play it.

Why is that anecdote evidence of anything? Couldn't that be socialized behavior?

Meaning what? He's a boy and he has a natural interest in cars and trucks. My nieces do not.

What's a natural interest? Nothing you said points to the idea that's it's innate rather than learned.

DP but yeah it's hilarious how all these people don't understand that socialization is often unconscious. That's why these stereotypes/expected differences in girls and boys keep getting reinforced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it has to do with like...a lot of people act like disappointed towards moms with all boys. I don't know if that is the right word. But my SIL has three boys and people constantly react like with sympathy, and ask if they'll go for another to try for a girl. She regularly gets like...compassion offered for this tribulation of not having a girl. So IME it is moms in a position like that trying to turn it into a positive, like, hey I only have boys but I love that!

I totally agree.

I would have hated having girls and many people I know feel that way.

Of course I would have made the best of it.

To be clear, I don't think it's a negative to have all boys at all! I've been floored by some of the rude comments that my friends who have all boys have heard from others over the years. Presumptions that they kept trying for a girl and were disappointed each time, oh it must crush you to see little girls and not have one, don't you wish you could shop for cute dresses for a daughter etc. None of which are true. (And yes, some of those same moms I know proudly wear these shirts!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it has to do with like...a lot of people act like disappointed towards moms with all boys. I don't know if that is the right word. But my SIL has three boys and people constantly react like with sympathy, and ask if they'll go for another to try for a girl. She regularly gets like...compassion offered for this tribulation of not having a girl. So IME it is moms in a position like that trying to turn it into a positive, like, hey I only have boys but I love that!

I totally agree.

I would have hated having girls and many people I know feel that way.

Of course I would have made the best of it.

To be clear, I don't think it's a negative to have all boys at all! I've been floored by some of the rude comments that my friends who have all boys have heard from others over the years. Presumptions that they kept trying for a girl and were disappointed each time, oh it must crush you to see little girls and not have one, don't you wish you could shop for cute dresses for a daughter etc. None of which are true. (And yes, some of those same moms I know proudly wear these shirts!)

I take back I would hated having a girl because I would have nurtured on crazy tomboy, psyche.. I would have let her be whatever she wanted and I do the same for my boys. All my nieces are outdoorsy, one is a raft guide and one is a backpack guide. They are awesome.

[Anonymous]

#boymomsbecrazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

No it is not. My son almost exclusively plays with cars and trucks and trains. He has 4 girl cousins and when we go to their houses he will dig through the toy bins, past the dolls and Frozen gear, until he finds a car.

We have baby dolls and he never plays with it. But when his cousins come over they do play it.

Why is that anecdote evidence of anything? Couldn't that be socialized behavior?

Meaning what? He's a boy and he has a natural interest in cars and trucks. My nieces do not.

What's a natural interest? Nothing you said points to the idea that's it's innate rather than learned.

DP but yeah it's hilarious how all these people don't understand that socialization is often unconscious. That's why these stereotypes/expected differences in girls and boys keep getting reinforced.

Of course, some differences are the product of socialization.

But it's silly to claim that there aren't some innate differences in males and females. Humans are mammals. There are innate differences in the behavior of male and female lions, are there not? Why is the idea that there might be innate differences in the behavior of male and female humans so bizarre?

That doesn't mean, BTW, that our culture's standard gendered stereotypes align with any innate ones that exist. No one, for example, argues that female lions aren't viciously protective of their young. Yet we somehow label female humans "the weaker sex."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

Totally disagree. And I have a fairly gentle boy, and a fairly rough-and-ready girl, but there are clearly innate differences that are not socialization. DD is a little nurturer with her dolls, sushing them and putting them down to sleep, and ds just wants to build bridges all over the house. Of course each kid is individual and I support the idea that everyone should "be who they are", but I don't see how you can have any experience with children and say gender differences are strictly due to socialization.

But don't you understand your girl is not representative of all girls? I have two - one sounds just like your boy and one sounds just like your girl. I don't go around saying "Oh all older girls are rough and ready and younger girls are nurturing." Also, sometimes in different scenarios they sort of swap "preferences". Which leads me to feel even more strongly that you can't lock them into specific characterizations like that.

I have no idea what you're trying to say. Of course I don't think my girl is representative of all girls. And my girl is the younger one, fwiw. That's my whole point - they are who they are. And if you spend time with groups of boys and groups of girls, it seems clear that there are innate gender differences that cannot be ascribed strictly to socialization. Of course there are individual variations within those groups, but that doesn't change the general point.

There are not innate gender differences, at least pre-adolescent. There are differences in INDIVIDUALS.

[Anonymous]

Boy moms are judged all the time and this thread show it.