What is #boymom?

[Anonymous]

What I think is strange is that the people who are posting #boymom are usually only raising boys, and have no idea if that parenting experience is unique to raising that particular gender. They're just using some kind of characterization or stereotype to back into what they think a parenting experience for that gender is supposed to be.

That's why it's dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

You should check out the book "as nature made him".

Tldr a baby boy's entire life is horribly ruined because of the belief that gender differences are nothing more than "socialization"

Thanks, I've read it! Have a degree in this stuff, actually. As Nature Made Him is entirely different that says boys are rough girls are gentle--in that case a boy whose penis was burned during a botched circumcision was surgically and hormonally turned into a girl because doctors thought it would be easier for him to grow up that way. Obviously it didn't work out so well.

But yall go ahead and keep talking about innate gender differences. I swear, DCUM is the weirdest place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

Totally disagree. And I have a fairly gentle boy, and a fairly rough-and-ready girl, but there are clearly innate differences that are not socialization. DD is a little nurturer with her dolls, sushing them and putting them down to sleep, and ds just wants to build bridges all over the house. Of course each kid is individual and I support the idea that everyone should "be who they are", but I don't see how you can have any experience with children and say gender differences are strictly due to socialization.

But don't you understand your girl is not representative of all girls? I have two - one sounds just like your boy and one sounds just like your girl. I don't go around saying "Oh all older girls are rough and ready and younger girls are nurturing." Also, sometimes in different scenarios they sort of swap "preferences". Which leads me to feel even more strongly that you can't lock them into specific characterizations like that.

I don't think anyone is locking kids into characterizations. People are using language like "fairly" and "usually" and "spectrum" and "tends to." They're suggesting that boys on the whole tend toward a certain type of characteristics and more girls tend toward other characteristics. Not that it's 100% of the time or entirely binary, but that there are, on average, notable differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

Totally disagree. And I have a fairly gentle boy, and a fairly rough-and-ready girl, but there are clearly innate differences that are not socialization. DD is a little nurturer with her dolls, sushing them and putting them down to sleep, and ds just wants to build bridges all over the house. Of course each kid is individual and I support the idea that everyone should "be who they are", but I don't see how you can have any experience with children and say gender differences are strictly due to socialization.

But don't you understand your girl is not representative of all girls? I have two - one sounds just like your boy and one sounds just like your girl. I don't go around saying "Oh all older girls are rough and ready and younger girls are nurturing." Also, sometimes in different scenarios they sort of swap "preferences". Which leads me to feel even more strongly that you can't lock them into specific characterizations like that.

I have no idea what you're trying to say. Of course I don't think my girl is representative of all girls. And my girl is the younger one, fwiw. That's my whole point - they are who they are. And if you spend time with groups of boys and groups of girls, it seems clear that there are innate gender differences that cannot be ascribed strictly to socialization. Of course there are individual variations within those groups, but that doesn't change the general point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

It's both.

Biologically, hormones and wiring contribute to us showing a spectrum of possible traits, where one side of the spectrum is this and the other is that.

Sure, society socializes our kids into performing gender roles, even if we try to combat that at home. For example, a dad on my kid's soccer team was giving a tone-deaf monologue about boys being tough and not crying and I ripped into him a few weeks ago. Loud enough that the other kids could hear someone refute the idea. But yeah, they'll hear and see this elsewhere.

Of course you could argue that my child is less likely to be socialized into performing a certain gender identity because I have tried to let him be him. Turns out "him" likes to jump up and try to touch the door frame of every single freaking doorway he walks though. Show me more than a handful of girls who do that regularly.

I agree, but I think these days its less and less about socialization. I have one of each and don't do or say anything about gender roles. From a very early age, my boy loves to have his fingernails painted, loves to wear ladies heels (and I have never stopped him or made an issue of it) but he also is much more physical than my girl. Just like pp, he HAS to jump up and try and reach every.single.doorframe he goes under. He also wanted barbies and dolls. He always tries to take their heads off and swings them from their hair. My girl treats them like little people. So, there's definitely biology that separates the behaviors of boys and girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

You should check out the book "as nature made him".

Tldr a baby boy's entire life is horribly ruined because of the belief that gender differences are nothing more than "socialization"

Thanks, I've read it! Have a degree in this stuff, actually. As Nature Made Him is entirely different that says boys are rough girls are gentle--in that case a boy whose penis was burned during a botched circumcision was surgically and hormonally turned into a girl because doctors thought it would be easier for him to grow up that way. Obviously it didn't work out so well.

But yall go ahead and keep talking about innate gender differences. I swear, DCUM is the weirdest place.

So how do you come out saying it's all socialization. That makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

It's probably both. But I agree that socialization is vastly underrated. A lot of my DD's outfits are gender neutral, so she reads "boy" sometimes, and there's a huge difference in the way she's treated vs when she wears a sparkly tutu or whatever in the same circumstance (like at the playground). "Watch out, be careful!" Vs "Way to go, my man!" on the monkey bars. Anyone who believes that has no effect on their kids is blinkered to reality. It's huge and mostly "invisible."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

It's both.

Biologically, hormones and wiring contribute to us showing a spectrum of possible traits, where one side of the spectrum is this and the other is that.

Sure, society socializes our kids into performing gender roles, even if we try to combat that at home. For example, a dad on my kid's soccer team was giving a tone-deaf monologue about boys being tough and not crying and I ripped into him a few weeks ago. Loud enough that the other kids could hear someone refute the idea. But yeah, they'll hear and see this elsewhere.

Of course you could argue that my child is less likely to be socialized into performing a certain gender identity because I have tried to let him be him. Turns out "him" likes to jump up and try to touch the door frame of every single freaking doorway he walks though. Show me more than a handful of girls who do that regularly.

I agree, but I think these days its less and less about socialization. I have one of each and don't do or say anything about gender roles. From a very early age, my boy loves to have his fingernails painted, loves to wear ladies heels (and I have never stopped him or made an issue of it) but he also is much more physical than my girl. Just like pp, he HAS to jump up and try and reach every.single.doorframe he goes under. He also wanted barbies and dolls. He always tries to take their heads off and swings them from their hair. My girl treats them like little people. So, there's definitely biology that separates the behaviors of boys and girls.

That's anecdotal and you have no way of measuring what comes from where. Sorry, it's just that I see well-meaning parents who think they're totally neutral dress their baby girls in pink and get "girl" gifts from grandparents claim it's literally all biology, or that they know what percentage biology it is, as... no. You don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

You should check out the book "as nature made him".

Tldr a baby boy's entire life is horribly ruined because of the belief that gender differences are nothing more than "socialization"

Thanks, I've read it! Have a degree in this stuff, actually. As Nature Made Him is entirely different that says boys are rough girls are gentle--in that case a boy whose penis was burned during a botched circumcision was surgically and hormonally turned into a girl because doctors thought it would be easier for him to grow up that way. Obviously it didn't work out so well.

But yall go ahead and keep talking about innate gender differences. I swear, DCUM is the weirdest place.

So how do you come out saying it's all socialization. That makes no sense.

Oh my god, because they're very different situations! In As Nature Made Him, the boy wasn't like "oh why do I love playing with trucks and why can't I be sweet and gentle?" I think you missed the point.

[Anonymous]

What I have noticed is that GROUPS of boys will play differently than groups of girls. Each individual, of course, has their own interests and preferences. But put a bunch of them together? The boys naturally tend toward one set of play (competitive, roughhousing, more physically active) while a group of girls tends toward a different set of play. Maybe this is a form of socialization, but it does seem to generate organically in the group - it's not like adults are steering it. In Pre-K they all seemed to play together; somewhere around 1st or 2nd grade it seemed like my kids and their friends started naturally drifting into predominately-male or predominately-female groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I have noticed is that GROUPS of boys will play differently than groups of girls. Each individual, of course, has their own interests and preferences. But put a bunch of them together? The boys naturally tend toward one set of play (competitive, roughhousing, more physically active) while a group of girls tends toward a different set of play. Maybe this is a form of socialization, but it does seem to generate organically in the group - it's not like adults are steering it. In Pre-K they all seemed to play together; somewhere around 1st or 2nd grade it seemed like my kids and their friends started naturally drifting into predominately-male or predominately-female groups.

I don't think adults are steering it in that moment, but I do think years of socialization have taught them how they're "supposed" to socialize as boys or girls.

[Anonymous]

OMG it's totally innate in some boys. My son has no male role model (I'm a single mom) and he is "standard issue" boy all the way. It frightens me at times to see the way it works! We don't give enough credit to nature, IMHO And don't even get me started on puberty...

Agreed however though that #boymom seems to be the way moms of boys try to rationalize not having a girl. I've never seen anyone who didn't desperately want a girl posting the stupid boymom articles and hashtagging. We see you. We know what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG it's totally innate in some boys. My son has no male role model (I'm a single mom) and he is "standard issue" boy all the way. It frightens me at times to see the way it works! We don't give enough credit to nature, IMHO And don't even get me started on puberty...

Agreed however though that #boymom seems to be the way moms of boys try to rationalize not having a girl. I've never seen anyone who didn't desperately want a girl posting the stupid boymom articles and hashtagging. We see you. We know what you are doing.

Your son never interacts with men or other boys? Wow! Where do you live?

[Anonymous]

It's so weird to me to hear so many DCUMers say gender differences are innate because you guys are also so defensive about working outside the home. Like if women are the weaker/gentler/more nurturing sex then why not let your men go out and earn the money while you stay home and raise your children? Why expect the same promotions and treatment at work?

[Anonymous]

Because boys are better.