Need advice: DD's interaction with the school's resource officer today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the officer wanted was a freaking HIGH 5! jeez.

Usually, when I want a high five, I say something like, "High five!" Or sometimes I make a "high five" gesture. I don't think I've ever said, "Hands up!". Have you? And if so, have you said it while in a police uniform? It seems like something that would lead to misunderstandings.

[Anonymous]

I agree with posters who recommend speaking with the Spanish teacher. I could see an officer with no malice asking a Spanish teacher how to say "Hands up" in Spanish then trying it out on the next student to come by. I can also see how it could be inappropriate. I would not just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the officer wanted was a freaking HIGH 5! jeez.

Usually, when I want a high five, I say something like, "High five!" Or sometimes I make a "high five" gesture. I don't think I've ever said, "Hands up!". Have you? And if so, have you said it while in a police uniform? It seems like something that would lead to misunderstandings.

True, though I don't know how to ask for a high five in Spanish. Any spanish speakers willing to educate us on that or on what some alternate meanings of what the officer said could be? OP, I hope you will come back and update us, I find this situation very interesting as the parent of a minority child.

[Anonymous]

I honestly do not understand the issue??

[Anonymous]

Misunderstandings are the root of a lot of conflict. I would simply ask the officer or the teacher what he meant when he said it.

I remember a time in high school when a white kid I knew seemed to be mocking an Indian kid I knew when he said "oh is that how BROWN people do it?" I was shocked and appalled. I found out later that they were talking about stereotypes of different colleges. The kid was going to Brown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has good instincts to tell you about it. I would compliment her on her instincts. When kids say something was 'weird' they can be on to something that is 'wrong' but they don't know how to say it yet.

I would want to know why he needed to know her name and why he said 'hands up' to her. The earlier poster's suggestion asking the question of the teacher is a good one. We don't know the make up of the school, but I'm assuming it is majority white that he would find a hispanic girl and single her out (I agree with the PP who noted that even that part is odd).

I would tell my daughter that her instincts are correct and, even if it is flirting, it's not appropriate. It could be that he wasn't racial harassing her but is flirting with her (either way, your daughter is correct in giving voice to her instincts). Letting the resource officer know (indirectly) that you know what he did could get him to back off your daughter and not pay her extra attention.

Too often we tell kids to override their instincts when they meet someone and just play along or be nice. Your daughter did the right thing in saying something and you obviously have a good relationship that she wanted to share it with you.

Why do you assume the girl is Hispanic? The OP said her daughter was a minority, but did not specify which one. Surely other minorities might take a Spanish class. For that matter, we don't know that the officer was white. Although with the OP's declaration of her daughter's minority status, that seems a more logical conclusion to draw.

As for the daughter's instincts, they seem to be telling her it's no big deal. It seems that by the mother escalating this, she's overriding the child's instincts.

From the original description, I don't see anything "racial" in the interaction. He was speaking Spanish to a student in a Spanish class. If he'd spoken Spanish to a Hispanic girl in a French class, then that would be more suspect.

I certainly don't see "flirting". "Hands up" is neither sexual nor romantic. Other than it being a male talking to a female, I can't imagine what sparked that allegation. If a police officer was going to do something as inappropriate as flirt with a high school student, do you really thing he'd do it in front of a teacher and a classroom of kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why do you assume the girl is Hispanic? The OP said her daughter was a minority, but did not specify which one. Surely other minorities might take a Spanish class. For that matter, we don't know that the officer was white. Although with the OP's declaration of her daughter's minority status, that seems a more logical conclusion to draw.

As for the daughter's instincts, they seem to be telling her it's no big deal. It seems that by the mother escalating this, she's overriding the child's instincts.

From the original description, I don't see anything "racial" in the interaction. He was speaking Spanish to a student in a Spanish class. If he'd spoken Spanish to a Hispanic girl in a French class, then that would be more suspect.

I certainly don't see "flirting". "Hands up" is neither sexual nor romantic. Other than it being a male talking to a female, I can't imagine what sparked that allegation. If a police officer was going to do something as inappropriate as flirt with a high school student, do you really thing he'd do it in front of a teacher and a classroom of kids?

Why do you assume that people can accurately tell, by appearance, who's Hispanic?

Also, people do imprudent things all the time.

In any case, this isn't a question of some random person speaking some random phrase in Spanish to a student in a Spanish class. If the school resource officer did intend mean to make a joke by saying "Hands up" (in any language) to a student, then somebody needs to tell the school resource officer that this is not an appropriate joke. If a police officer said "Hands up" to you, while you were walking by minding your own business, would you think "Ha, ha, what a kidder"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why do you assume the girl is Hispanic? The OP said her daughter was a minority, but did not specify which one. Surely other minorities might take a Spanish class. For that matter, we don't know that the officer was white. Although with the OP's declaration of her daughter's minority status, that seems a more logical conclusion to draw.

As for the daughter's instincts, they seem to be telling her it's no big deal. It seems that by the mother escalating this, she's overriding the child's instincts.

From the original description, I don't see anything "racial" in the interaction. He was speaking Spanish to a student in a Spanish class. If he'd spoken Spanish to a Hispanic girl in a French class, then that would be more suspect.

I certainly don't see "flirting". "Hands up" is neither sexual nor romantic. Other than it being a male talking to a female, I can't imagine what sparked that allegation. If a police officer was going to do something as inappropriate as flirt with a high school student, do you really thing he'd do it in front of a teacher and a classroom of kids?

Why do you assume that people can accurately tell, by appearance, who's Hispanic?

Also, people do imprudent things all the time.

In any case, this isn't a question of some random person speaking some random phrase in Spanish to a student in a Spanish class. If the school resource officer did intend mean to make a joke by saying "Hands up" (in any language) to a student, then somebody needs to tell the school resource officer that this is not an appropriate joke. If a police officer said "Hands up" to you, while you were walking by minding your own business, would you think "Ha, ha, what a kidder"?

I don't assume that people can tell by looking whether someone is Hispanic. I just don't assume that describing somebody as a minority automatically means their Hispanic. There are other minority groups. Moreover, if he couldn't tell she was "a minority" by looking at her, why is there so much concern over rscism?

If a police officer said "hands up"out of the clear blue, then I'd be confused and try to interpret the context. It doesn't sound like he was presenting himself in a threatening manner. Saying it in Spanish doesn't seem official. In this case, I'd probably conclude that yes, he was kidding.

I've seen grown-ups try to relate to kids and do it badly.

I've seen people using bits of foreign language to relate to language students. My daughter takes AP Spanish. Sometimes when she says something beautiful but incomprehensible to me in Spanish, I look at her, smile, and say "si". I've also had her teach me how to say I love you, something appropriate for a mother to tell a daughter. I can easily see the officer asking the teacher to teach him something "policeish", and then trying it out on the next available student.

Finally, I've heard jokes and told jokes myself that fell flat, but had no sinister motives attached. If I inadvertently cause offense, I naturally apologize. In this case, while nobody thinks he was funny, the people who were actually there didn't seem offended.

One of my favorite teachers in junior high joked a lot with her students and gave us a hard time. We were all fair game. Taken out of context, I'm sure a number of her comments would be considered offensive. This was before the age of political correctness, and we all just rolled with it and enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere. For the record, although I consider it irrelevant, she was a minority. Clearly, we had a stronger working relationship than this girl had with the officer, and that makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Misunderstandings are the root of a lot of conflict. I would simply ask the officer or the teacher what he meant when he said it.

I remember a time in high school when a white kid I knew seemed to be mocking an Indian kid I knew when he said "oh is that how BROWN people do it?" I was shocked and appalled. I found out later that they were talking about stereotypes of different colleges. The kid was going to Brown.

LOL! I'm Indian and that totally made me LOL. So funny.

And, I agree with your sentiment.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your daughter didn't think it was that big of a deal. It sounds like it was just an awkward comment he made in an attempt to joke/interact with your daughter.

If I pursued stuff like this, I would never get anything done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has good instincts to tell you about it. I would compliment her on her instincts. When kids say something was 'weird' they can be on to something that is 'wrong' but they don't know how to say it yet.

I would want to know why he needed to know her name and why he said 'hands up' to her. The earlier poster's suggestion asking the question of the teacher is a good one. We don't know the make up of the school, but I'm assuming it is majority white that he would find a hispanic girl and single her out (I agree with the PP who noted that even that part is odd).

I would tell my daughter that her instincts are correct and, even if it is flirting, it's not appropriate. It could be that he wasn't racial harassing her but is flirting with her (either way, your daughter is correct in giving voice to her instincts). Letting the resource officer know (indirectly) that you know what he did could get him to back off your daughter and not pay her extra attention.

Too often we tell kids to override their instincts when they meet someone and just play along or be nice. Your daughter did the right thing in saying something and you obviously have a good relationship that she wanted to share it with you.

+1

[Anonymous]

PP saying grown up awkward in trying to interact with teens are probably right. And often it is younger adults who think they are still funny, but then say something stupid and inappropriate. If he is otherwise nice and not racist, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly do not understand the issue??

A person of authority singled out a student he didn't know and gave her an order from across the room. You don't understand what's wrong because you're not experiencing the low frequency stress of fearing that, on any given day, some authority could mistake your child for someone who should be arrested or worse.

Actually, the stress is high frequency these days. Whether the guy was flirting, just awkward or trying to make a joke, it's not funny.

For you, it's not something to concerned about. But every minority parent in a majority white environment has this extra concern. Some "mistakes" can't be undone.

[Anonymous]

At 16 it is up to her to escalate this if it was a problem. In 2 years she will be on her own in a place where mom and dad have ZERO say/access/influence. In 6 years she will be in the workforce dealing with bosses and coworkers who occasionally make "weird" comments.

OP you need to stand down and let your daughter control the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly do not understand the issue??

A person of authority singled out a student he didn't know and gave her an order from across the room. You don't understand what's wrong because you're not experiencing the low frequency stress of fearing that, on any given day, some authority could mistake your child for someone who should be arrested or worse.

Actually, the stress is high frequency these days. Whether the guy was flirting, just awkward or trying to make a joke, it's not funny.

For you, it's not something to concerned about. But every minority parent in a majority white environment has this extra concern. Some "mistakes" can't be undone.

You're a racist.

And we aren't impressed with your 2 cent words.